[MiSSsy111222]

All threads merged for the whole story

I'm so messed up and confused. Me and my now ex boyfriend was together for just over a year, it wasn't the perfect relationship but we grew to be close. We made mistake, mainly to do with our religion, we had sex before marriage. He broke up with me nearly 3months ago, he says he can't handle the relationship. And he has given up.

We both no that he is not ready for a relationship, he's 18. He says we need 2 fight it as it will only get worse. I really want him, so bad it hurts. Every time I try to talk about this he runs away. He doesn't want to talk about it. He won't face me and be a man about it.

I've finally cut contact after we had one night together and we realised we can't doit again. All my feelings came back to haunt me. Cutting contact is hard, I want him to realise what he has done and how much he has hurt me.

The last converstation we had was him saying that he wasn't sure if we love each other, this hurt:(. What should I do, keep hoping he will come back? Or just try and move on. Please help

[kctiger]

Try and move on. Love is like an addiction, so each time you get an easy fix, you start back to square one. Start today, and tell yourself YOU WILL GET OVER THIS! Emotional detox, if you will. Right now your body is addicted to this, but cutting contact is the only way to move on. Whatever happens, happens, but you are in control of yourself, and that is all that matters. End the pain, and stop the suffering.

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey you,

All right, I'm not going to be harsh or anything just step our of your shoes and into mine to understand where I'm coming from and I hope that response will help you realize and understand a few things.

First of all, if he doesn't want to work things out with you, it doesn't matter on your age, so don't try and make excuses to cope with the situation, all relationships need both sides to want to work everything out because you care or love about one another, and he says that he doesn't know if he even loves you, hmmm... another problem there.

Don't you really want someone who will give you the same love back that you give to them? I mean think about it, you wouldn't fall in love with a wall would you? I mean why love something with everything you have and get nothing back in return.

I suggest standing up for yourself, knowing you deserve better, move on, and cut off contact with him completely, no more talking, texting, hanging out, you need to cut all this off so you can get on with your life and heal from this hurt, best of luck to you.

Yours Truly,
LCM

[MiSSsy111222]

I've cut the contact now I feel like I'm waiting... waiting for what? I don't even know myself.

[MiSSsy111222]

Okay story so far... he's left me 3months ago... he's 18.. and decided he didn't want a relationship with me anymore, also not with anyone else. He said he can't handle the pressure of being with someone. They way he left me was crule.. heartbreaking. I never thought he could be so hurtful, to this day he still hasn't explained himself face to face. He says he blocks it out. Because he feels bad. Why has he ran away from me? From everything. Can anyone explain to this to me?

Ever since he has left me I have given up on everything. I don't care about my education, my future or myself. I have a negative attitude towards everything. I don't eat proparly because I don't care about myself. He is the opposite, he can carry on. Why am I doing this to myself when I know its not good for me. How do I get myself together again. I have exams this week and I have messed up BIG time, what can I do. Any advice?

[kctiger]

Couple things here. First of all, creating several different threads to address your problem isn't going to help. Please, quit. We are here to help, but you have to help yourself as well.

Have you read the stickies on top of this forum? Have you checked your pulse? You are still alive right? Have you seen the sun today? It still shines right? Life is still out there, waiting for you, so regardless of YOUR situation, YOU have control over it. Give yourself sometime to heal, and then make a plan of action to get your life back together. Yes, it is hard, but it is not impossible. You have one of two choices here:

1) Let this person whom left you destroy your life (in other words, you destroy your own life, as you have control)

2) Get up, dust yourself off, and realize yourself value is more than some boyfriend that didn't care to be with you.

Everything happens for a reason, so after you get over the crying and sadness, pick yourself up and move on. The best thing to do in these situations is make yourself better than ever. Spoil yourself, work on whatever you don't like about yourself, and by all means, don't let anyone tell you you aren't good enough. Relationships end, all of the time. Nothing personal.

[tickle]

Long time goals. Do you have any ? Was this fella the ultimate in what you wanted?

Will he be around when you are getting your BA, or whatever you want to do with the rest of you life ?

So many questions, missy.

He is moving on and you are not. That would send up red flags to me. I would never let anyone get the best of me that way.

Give yourself a break missy, achieve no matter what

[MiSSsy111222]

I'm writing on the behalf of a friend, she's in a BAD situation. She fell in love with this guy. He was perfect at first, loving and caring towards her. Gradually he changed, becoming aggressive. Frequently hitting her and intimidating her. This is due to his frequent drinking and drugs. Now she is 10weeks pregnant, (which was planned). The last fight they had he hurt her badly, this including kicking her stomach. From the beginning I tried to make her see sense that this man was no good for her, family and friends could not make her realise either. There relationship is on and off constantly, she will get the strength to leave, then he will sweet talk her to come back. And it always works. Advice would be great to try and help. Thank you

[ja77]

this including kicking her stomach

She needs to leave him now this not only harming her but also the unborn baby.

She needs to seek help from him straight away -
http://www.family2000.org.uk/domestic_violence.htm

Has this action been reported to the police and charges pressed.

[kctiger]

911

[Lowtax4eva]

There is really nothing you can do, she obviously has bad self esteem and isn't very smart (at least about this).

She is the one that needs to smarten up and leave him, if you have proof you can call the cops but she will probably get mad at you for it.

[ylaira]

She is hard headed. So just advise her to buy 2 memorial plans NOW: 1 for her and 1 for the baby.

[MiSSsy111222]

I've tried all this, she won't call the police, he has a hold over her

[gkiegrirgi]

Have you tried telling other friends?

[MiSSsy111222]

No I haven't. One mintute she see's sense then she goes back to him. Other people's opinions don't count to her, she's blind and deaf when it comes to facing reality

[Fr_Chuck]

There is not a single thing you can do, until she is dead or so hurt she has to be carried out.

It is sad but this is very very common among abused women at some point she will believe it is her fault and she deserves it.

[kitten420]

My mom was in a relationship with my father for 15 years. He was very abusive towards her and soon enough towards his own children.

It got so bad one day that I seen my own father put a gun up to my moms head and threaten to kill her. It wasn't until that day that she realized she needed to leave and I was already 13 years old by then.


It was really hard because my mom had left my dad a few times but every time she left he begged her back and she was stupid enough to think that everything would be OK and he wouldn't hit her anymore.


I believe another part of her was scared because she was so young when she was with my father.

Me and my sisters used to beg my mom to leave my dad. I mean literally even him hiting us girls didn't make my mom see that she needed to leave.

My father broke my nose before because he slapped me so hard and was kicking me in my back in front of a 7 eleven.


And my mom did nothing about it.

Until she decided that it was enough when he put that gun to her head. She left him and for god this time.


It was really hard for my mom because she was with my father since she was 14 years old.

He was calling begging her back but she had family and friends that would keep her in line not to go back to him.


I am glad my mom made that decision because I don't know what would have happened if we were still there.



Your friend really needs to get out of the situation she is in. somehow try and convince her to leave. Tell her she can stay with you and if she feels like she is in that week moment. YOU keep her strong and tell her she can do better then that and she don't need him.


Specially with her in this fragile state on being pregnant she is most likley going to be scared because she will want to be with him.




Being in this situation is really hard. She needs to go to the police after she leaves him and file for a restrant order.


If he is really that angry of a man . She needs to change her number. So he can't call her. If she decides she wants to go to his house for some things. You go with her. Bc if she is alone she will just go right back to him.




I hate it when people are in these situations.



Now I'm not going to say it will be easy it will be hard. Nobody is going to be able to convince her.
All you can do is be a helping hand and be there for her whenever she needs you.

But most likley in these situations she is never going to leave until she figures out on her own that she is in trouble. And with her being pregnant with his child it deffenatly won't help right now.


Or maybe she will relize that her child is at stake here.


But until she relizes this on her own I suggest that you be there for her and be a helping hand. And when she does relize it you make sure she stays strong and she stays away from him.

[MiSSsy111222]

Thanks kitten, you're a real help. Your advice is good.im sorry about the situation you and your family was in. thank god its over. Your mom is a strong woman. My friend is reading all these posts. HOPFULLY SHE SEE'S SENSE!!

[kitten420]

I really hope she does. I know what your friend is going through and if she really wants someone to talk to she can e mail me on myspace and I will talk to her.

Like even though my dad was really bad, the sad thing is sometimes I wish that my parents were still together because we did have good times too.

I miss it sometimes but I know deep down inside it was best for everyone because what if we never left we could be dead right now.


And you know what after my mom left my dad he evern realized that he had a poblem. And he got a counsiler. And my dad is so much better now,

He went back to college he graduates this year as a nurse. He has a great fiancé susan who I love to death and he is actually a great father now.


So in reality not only will her leaving make her life better for her and her child. But maybe her boyfriend will relize he has a problem and he needs serious help.

I hope all the best for her and I will pray that she finds a better way for her and the baby.


If she or you ever need to talk I will be on here and you can e mail me or get my myspace or something and we can talk.

[ferrell_2006]

I can relate to this because myself have been in this exact situation... number one let me say this girl is not stupid and she is not hard headed.
I dated a guy and oh my he was my world I loved him dearly and to this day he holds a place in my heart yet I know now I could never go back. He was great loving caring all the things a girl could dream of... he then got into drugs and changed completley he would hurt me emotionally, physically and metally myself esteem dropped drasticlly I also became pregnant and he caused me so much stress I started the process of a miscarriage and then he hit me in the stomach and that caused the complete miscarriage to take place... I knew in my heart he was doing me wrong but number one I couldn't leave the fqather of my child number two I loved him too much and couldn't ever go through with it as I left many times and he always tricked me into coming back.. the only way for this girl to leave is to realize it will never get better he isn't going to change no matter how many times she tells herself he will... she has to want to leave for her benefit and for her child's because if she don't she will lose her child just through stress and she will never forgive herself and maybe you as a friend need to explain the stress is going to kill her child... and if and when she leaves she will need all of the support from family and friends especially you.. don't criticize her as it will only make things worse but understand where she is coming from its not easy for anyone to leave someone they love and her self esteem is probably extremely low due to him and she probably thinks she is worthless and couldn't do better tell her she is beautiful... she needs her friends... all you can do is be there for her and help her realize it will never get better and she can do better... and if she leaves she has got to keep hersle fbusy and no phyone calls from him or visits nothing or she will go back... and what helped me when I finally left was when I would miss him and want to talk to him or go back I would think of all the bad... and it would give me strength to stay away she needs to think about that kick in the stomach... or the hit in the face or all the times he calls her names or tells her she is worthless... my best girlfriends were great they were miracles but my guy friends were were my angels especially the one I'm closest with because he never ever criticized me once for being with him and he helped me a lot... all you can do is be a friend and help her to realize she can do better