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K_3 · Nov 15, 2006, 10:09 AM

Christmas is several weeks. You truly need to stop and slow your mind down. Can you just take one night away? Being angry and frustrated takes a lot of enery. Try not allowing what is going on to bother you so much. I realize that is easier said than done. But you have to put some things on the back burner if you are not going to give yourself time until after Christmas. Go to church when no one is there and pray. You have to give yourself some time alone and do not think of your problems. Just pray for God to clear your mind and give you strength.
You sound so much like my daughter. She married a man with 5 children (his wife had died) and she felt responsible for them all. She worked 2 jobs for a few years and she became another person. Short tempered and angry and just tired. She would not listen to her sisters or I. Finally last year she quit the part time job. It has been a complete turn around for her. Her husband adjusted just fine. You will be surprised how people will use you and put so much on you, but when you say STOP without anger and mean it, the reaction will not be as bad as you think. If it is that bad, you found out your answer and you cannot live your life giving all and receiving nothing. That is not being selfish. It is called taking care of yourself. A minister told me this when I was very young. Love thy neighbor as thyself. God did not say Love thy neighbor more than thyself. As thyself. You are loving others more than you love you. Do not be a martyr.

chirleyrene · Nov 15, 2006, 10:25 AM

I will take your advice and quit one of the jobs,but I'm scared, I'll be letting go 1,000 a month if I quit Costco, that money is good for me, then I only get 665.00 every two weeks from the hospital job, I don't know what to do, I tried going to school and that failed only because it's hard for something to catch my attention and then when something catches my attention it's hard for me to let it go, I do want to go to school for Business Administration, but first I need to let Costco go and I can't?

talaniman · Nov 15, 2006, 10:32 AM

Your indecisiveness will be your down fall. So your choices are clear and you ether need to make a decision and do it, or stop trying to feed us all those excuses. Your choice.

chirleyrene · Nov 15, 2006, 10:43 AM

Okay tell me what you think, I make 665.00 every two weeks and about to get a raise in January for the promotion at the hospital, I'll have my own office and good hours, the only big bill I have is my car note , and maybe if I don't stay with my husband and, move on my own, the rent will be like 485.00 monthly I can make it. My car note is 388.92, so when I add it up, that adds up to873.92 monthly that I must pay, because I do love my husband, but I don't see us be together too long.:

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 15, 2006, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your indecisiveness will be your down fall. So your choices are clear and you ether need to make a decision and do it, or stop trying to feed us all those excuses. Your choice.

I like the way you tell it how it is tal, no messing around!

K_3 · Nov 15, 2006, 10:44 AM

I am not telling you to quit one of your jobs. That decision is yours. I am giving you some advice. I am sure if you asked one of the jobs if you could cut back, they would let you. It is very hard in this area to get good dependable help. Costco hires part time people now until Christmas anyway. Talk to them. I do not know your financial obligations. I just know you cannot go on as you are or you could very well end up sick and that would be a blow to your income. Think. Just stop, think and go slowly. Work part time at Costco. You are giving yourself answers before you have asked the questions to the proper people. You never know what an answer is going to be until you ask. You have gotten good advice here. Today, go to Costco and ask your supervisor about part time work. TODAY. Never assume anything. You sound like a go getter. Go get them.

Originally Posted by chirleyrene

okay tell me what you think, I make 665.00 every two weeks and about to get a raise in January for the promotion at the hospital, I'll have my own office and good hours, the only big bill I have is my car note , and maybe if I don't stay with my husband and, move on my own, the rent will be like 485.00 monthly I can make it. my car note is 388.92, so when I add it up, that adds up to873.92 monthly that I must pay, because I do love my husband, but I don't see us be together too long.:

I think if you leave your husband and work part time at Costco, you will have the energy and do just fine. It is hard to say what you can live on. Only you know that. Utilities, insurance, gas, clothing and food.

chirleyrene · Nov 15, 2006, 10:52 AM

You so right, I just want to be by myself, I know I can make it, when I go to Costco today I'm going to talk to them and ask fopr time off today and if they say no not at this time, I will have no choice but to go to my doctor, and get the time off. Thank you so much I need the time to myself, I'm going to go to a Rm. By myself and sleep, until I can't sleep no more, maybe even go and get my hair and nails done at a Spa? Maybe even a Facial (YEAH!! ) I deserve it!! :)

valinors_sorrow · Nov 15, 2006, 10:55 AM

Okay. What I am hearing is an exhausted women who is too afraid to leave and create her own shelter and while her husband is providing her a more desirable shelter, it is at a huge emotional cost to her. It really boils down to two options-- fix your marriage or fix your living circumstances, never mind all the hoopla. Smokescreens!

Perhaps you need to write out all the pros and cons of each one so you can begin to see what is doable. But only you know ALL the details of each and streaming them out slowly here and without concern to how it drags us around the block with you isn't wise... makes you look like a player (ie, someone who wants to vent and vent but never solve, who exaggerates a small problem into something big just for the attention).

chirleyrene · Nov 15, 2006, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by K_3

Christmas is several weeks. You truly need to stop and slow your mind down. Can you just take one night away? Being angry and frustrated takes a lot of enery. Try not allowing what is going on to bother you so much. I realize that is easier said than done. But you have to put some things on the back burner if you are not going to give yourself time until after Christmas. Go to church when no one is there and pray. You have to give yourself some time alone and do not think of your problems. Just pray for God to clear your mind and give you strength.
You sound so much like my daughter. She married a man with 5 children (his wife had died) and she felt responsible for them all. She worked 2 jobs for a few years and she became another person. Short tempered and angry and just tired. She would not listen to her sisters or I. Finally last year she quit the part time job. It has been a complete turn around for her. Her husband adjusted just fine. You will be surprised how people will use you and put so much on you, but when you say STOP without anger and mean it, the reaction will not be as bad as you think. If it is that bad, you found out your answer and you cannot live your life giving all and receiving nothing. That is not being selfish. It is called taking care of yourself. A minister told me this when I was very young. Love thy neighbor as thyself. God did not say Love thy neighbor more than thyself. As thyself. You are loving others more than you love you. Do not be a martyr.

I Know what else I need, But I ain't going to say that online, but you get what I'm saying, I need to relieve some Tension, so I guess I have to talk to my Husband after all (SMILE)

ucreegan · Nov 15, 2006, 10:58 AM

I think you should sit down with your husband & have a serious chat (not argument) about how you are feeling. If you think this may end in an argument, how about writing down your feelings in a letter & giving it to your husband? I would be very careful about what you say to him about his son. Imagine if he spoke about your daughter to you, how would you feel. I think before you make any big decisions, think about what you love about him & why you decided to marry him in the first place, then see if you can resolve the issues you are having now without having to leave each other. Good Luck!

valinors_sorrow · Nov 15, 2006, 11:03 AM

Ugh. I give up... quietly unsubscribes to this thread.

Good luck Chirl.

chirleyrene · Nov 15, 2006, 11:10 AM

Your not suppose to tell me you give up! Just don't respond, I do not need any negative feed back, right now! Thank God if I needed a psychriatrist, it wouldn't be you, But I do thank you for your other advice.

Wildcat21 · Nov 15, 2006, 11:28 AM

I think she just likes the drama and will lnever leave. Never.

A lot of this is her own doing and also not willing to change.

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 15, 2006, 11:41 AM

Why do some people get so touchy on here? constructive criticism is what allows a person to improve and move forward.

Truth hurts sometimes, but you can't sugar coat it!

LUNAGODDESS · Nov 15, 2006, 02:22 PM

I am reading that you are unhappy in your marriage because you feel unappreciated... and you do not know what next to do... your husbands was not the daddy that he wanted to be to his children and he is making up for that short coming... by allowing them to use him... some sort of guilt trip... on all parties part... your husband and his children... unless the son has a mental challenge... there is no reason that he should not be with out a drivers license... the daughter... just finds you her competition... period... now giving your husband money every two weeks and you not understanding where the monies are going... girl Chirley... wake up... the bell is ringing... you are paying for his care and keeping of his children... there should be an understanding that while the children are under his care he is to pay for child support until they finished school that is either high school or four years of college... the end... the son has to work or go to school... if he is not doing neither... you have the right to put your foot down and say h-e-double tooth picks... too the children free loading on parents are over... say no to that... the next time the daughter request monies for anything... talk after school job... since daddy is collecting extra funds for her care and keeping you from addressing your care... the reason for you working is to take care of your needs... right?. responsibly should be the name of the game in your household...

Now... to you... get a day off... from your many jobs and go to a day spa... have your nails and feet... back... butt... legs massages... better... yet go to a hotel... a four star rated one... and have the services stated... then sleep... you will feel better... oh by the way... turn off the cell phone... better yet get yourself two days off... now ask yourself this question... do you want the peace that comes with no drama...

Did you sit down with your husband and tell him... I want to be with you... and these other dramas are not necessary and will cause him to lose his marriage... all you have to listen for is these few words I do not care... after hearing those words make a future for yourself...

... do a separation... give him time to think... you have made up your mind... for you do know what you want... it is time for him to say to you that he knows what he wants... that is you first and then his grown children... he should understand that a he must show to his children that love comes with a cost... and the cost is showing responsible action towards themselves... the children need to be shown how to take care of themselves... ask for all the bills... you my dear... do not know a g-d-thing about what is going on in your home..

Sorry for the distraction... grandchildren in the room...

Again... give the necessary time to think on your situation... go to a hotel for two days... after all did you not understand the drama that will come when marrying a man with children?

Your drama events are normal for this new age family... and the children know it... yes do put your foot down and tell all... if you have to work... so do they!. yeah!. your husband needs an extra 500 hundred dollars and ye children could be the reason... for his needs... so go and place it in his hands...

Wildcat21 · Nov 15, 2006, 04:06 PM

Good stuff.

chirleyrene · Nov 16, 2006, 10:29 AM

[QUOTE=LUNAGODDESS]I am reading that you are unhappy in your marriage because you feel unappreciated... and you do not know what next to do... your husbands was not the daddy that he wanted to be to his children and he is making up for that short coming... by allowing them to use him... some sort of guilt trip... on all parties part... your husband and his children... unless the son has a mental challenge... there is no reason that he should not be with out a drivers license... the daughter... just finds you her competition... period... now giving your husband money every two weeks and you not understanding where the monies are going... girl Chirley... wake up... the bell is ringing... you are paying for his care and keeping of his children... there should be an understanding that while the children are under his care he is to pay for child support until they finished school that is either high school or four years of college... the end... the son has to work or go to school... if he is not doing neither... you have the right to put your foot down and say h-e-double tooth picks... too the children free loading on parents are over... say no to that... the next time the daughter request monies for anything... talk after school job... since daddy is collecting extra funds for her care and keeping you from addressing your care... the reason for you working is to take care of your needs... right?. responsibly should be the name of the game in your household...

Now... to you... get a day off... from your many jobs and go to a day spa... have your nails and feet... back... butt... legs massages... better... yet go to a hotel... a four star rated one... and have the services stated... then sleep... you will feel better... oh by the way... turn off the cell phone... better yet get yourself two days off... now ask yourself this question... do you want the peace that comes with no drama...

Did you sit down with your husband and tell him... I want to be with you... and these other dramas are not necessary and will cause him to lose his marriage... all you have to listen for is these few words I do not care... after hearing those words make a future for yourself...

... do a separation... give him time to think... you have made up your mind... for you do know what you want... it is time for him to say to you that he knows what he wants... that is you first and then his grown children... he should understand that a he must show to his children that love comes with a cost... and the cost is showing responsible action towards themselves... the children need to be shown how to take care of themselves... ask for all the bills... you my dear... do not know a g-d-thing about what is going on in your home..

Sorry for the distraction... grandchildren in the room...

Again... give the necessary time to think on your situation... go to a hotel for two days... after all did you not understand the drama that will come when marrying a man with children?

I like you advice to a cetain extent, until you said go place the 500.00 in his hands!! I Don't Think So! I work too hard, for me to be broke every two weeks, I will not be broke no more!! I'm pretty, slim, no kids and I have two good jobs, I don't need him nor his kids or his Bull!! I've made up my mind that I'm TOO BLessed TO BE STRESSED!! < I thank God every Morning I wake up, in my right mind, good health and strength, God has really and truly blessed me I love my husband dearly but I've had enough, I've talked to a couple of Lawyers, that told me good advice, I'm only in that house right now with him and his Zoo, because I need to save two checks which is only going to take two weeks, from there on I'll be free of headache, and finally I'll be able to relax, I'M NEVER EVER AGAIN MARRYING NO ONE!!

chirleyrene · Nov 16, 2006, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Why do some people get so touchy on here?, constructive criticism is what allows a person to improve and move forward.

Truth hurts sometimes, but you can't sugar coat it!

No the truth doesn't hurt me, just like my Grandmother use to say, if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all, but I really and truly thank you all for your advice, I prayed on it, and I know what I must and have to do now, (Thank You All) God Bless!

chirleyrene · Nov 16, 2006, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by chirleyrene

no the truth doesn't hurt me, just like my Grandmother use to say, if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all, but I really and truly thank you all for your advice, I prayed on it, and I know what I must and have to do now, (Thank You All) God Bless!!

Sometimes you might have to Sugar coat it, only because you don't know how that other person might take it, you have to know how to say things sometimes, without hurting the next person feelings.

chirleyrene · Nov 16, 2006, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I think she just likes the drama and wil lnever leave. Never.

A lot of this is her own doing and also not willing to change.

As far as you saying I'll never Leave, Never, "I DON'T NEED YOUR NEGATIVATY!!!!!!!.Igot on this site for some advice, NOT NEGATIVATY!!! Thank You! I'm already hurting inside,"
You Should Watch What You Say To People"