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    dnaakrs's Avatar
    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #1

    Nov 24, 2009, 12:11 PM
    Mother put 10 yr.old autistic son in mental hospital without knowledge of Father
    Please help! My son and his ex wife agreed upon the custody isssues of their two children themselves. No lawyers, no court, no papers. Verbal between the two of them. It was decided the daughter which is the oldest would live with her Father (my son) and that the son who is autistic would reside with the mother (my ex daughter in law). They both also agreed not to pursue child support but to support whichever child was staying with him/her at the time and agree to anything else that the other may need help with. Both have since remarried and had a child each with the new spouses. Things began to change for the worse but my son would not take my advice as well as the advice of other family members and friends that it may be time to do all this legally through the courts. My ex daughter in law is known for being manipulative as well as to quite a handful of untruths but to no avail he kept trying to trust her judgement as a Mother and wanting to believe that she would do what is in the best interest of the children. My son called his ex wife two days ago to ask for some time with their son for this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. Holidays and a few times throughout summer vacation is the only time the family gets with my grandson. She keeps him from us right much and never includes us in what's going on with him mentally or physically. Back to where I left off... my son called about the upcoming holiday to find out that his ex had taken their son out of school and placed him in a state mental hospital about a week ago. My son is devastated as well as the rest of us. What the hell has she done? And how? Did she not need the permission of this child's Father to go about this? What can my son do to help his son? The only thing he knows is that his 10 yr. old son is in a state mental hospital and he has been told that not even him nor her can visit or see him at this time and that after his stay is over at this particular hospital he will be sent to a mental hospital in Tennesee. This is a child who is mildly autstic who has been attending public school (in a special class) who is loving and caring and loves fishing and hanging out with his father, brother, sisters, cousins and the rest of his family. My son was told that his sons specialist advised that he be put in the mental hospital for breaking a window at school. (this is the first anyone has heard about a window). He's never been away from his Mother and Father at the same time, much less somewhere as harsh as a mental hospital where no one in his family can see if he is okay. You know he is terrified and lonely and here at the holidays. My son has tried over and over to contact his ex but she will not answer the phone or return any messages. Please someone give us some legal advice as to how we can help this child and bring him home. Is it illegal what she has done? What is my sons rights as a father to this child? Please!! HELP!!
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #2

    Nov 24, 2009, 02:48 PM

    What you really need to do is get a lawyer and find out what's really going on. The mother has the right to have medical treatment for the child. Has your son been declared the legal father of the child ? Were they married ? Is he on the birth certificate ?
    dnaakrs's Avatar
    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #3

    Nov 24, 2009, 05:21 PM
    Yes to all three of your questions. He has been declared the father, he is on the birth certificate and yes they were married. This is why I do not understand how she had him admitted to a long term mental facility without his consent or knowledge. I would love nothing more than to hire a lawyer at this very moment or 2 days ago when this was found out but as it is with so many others out there we/ or I am barley keeping my head above water. That is why I have got on here asking such for help to such a private family matter. I am not being rude at all but sometimes it is not possible to do what you would like at that very moment. I have contacted legal aid in my area and been on the search looking for a lawyer who may can or will help us pro bono or a smaller fee than normal. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my question. Also the child's autism is not and has not been severe enough to warrant such an action. He is not/has not been violent toward himself or others. Her actions have pretty much left me and my family in dismay. But I have the gut feeling that there is something else behind this. She just recently was awarded her sister in laws 2 daughters. (Both girls were killed in an accident). She know longer needs the funds that she received for him. She has made that her main source of income for many years and even her husbands during the times he wasn't employed. It's much easier not to fool with a child who is autistic and needs the extra care that comes along with his illness not to mention the doctors visits and being closely watched to make sure he received the care in and out of the home that was required of her to give him. She now has two older, very normal girls in her care that is bringing her a rather decent source of income and from what the 13 yr. old says also baby sitters for her and her second husbands young child together. I may be wrong and God forgive me if I am but I plus others have watched and experienced her using whom ever to make a little money. She has never cared for working outside the home and has worked harder to get out of it than she would have if she had just gotten a job. You never really know a person until you have had to live in their world for awhile. She was married to my son for nearly 7 yrs. And they share the son I am speaking of plus a 13 yr. old daughter who refuses to stay with her mom any more because of the spiteful and mean things she has experienced at her hands.
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    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #4

    Nov 24, 2009, 05:27 PM
    It is suppose to say that both girls parents were killed in an automobile accident but I am thinking too fast and trying to type with my right hand in a cast from recent surgery. I know that had to cause some confusion. SORRY. And at times I feel super panic for this child knowing how scared and confused he must be and also being terrified about his total well being. I would not want to be placed in a state mental hospital for certain!
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #5

    Nov 24, 2009, 05:58 PM

    Another thing your son needs to look into is if he has been turned over to the state there should be a social worker assigned to the child. Has anyone asked about that ? And how can they be so sure that the child is going to stay in an institution ?
    dnaakrs's Avatar
    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #6

    Nov 24, 2009, 06:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    Another thing your son needs to look into is if he has been turned over to the state there should be a social worker assigned to the child. Has anyone asked about that ? And how can they be so sure that the child is going to stay in an institution ?
    I myself have not been in contact with social services and have not spoken with my son today as I know through his wife that he is trying to pull all resources as well as still make contact with ex wife. He actually lives an hour and a half from myself and his ex wife. When he called to see if he could have time with his son for Thanksgiving he had a brief conversation with his ex wife's husband who in turn informed him that his son was no longer in the home and had been placed in the state mental hospital for breaking a window at school. (?) That he would be there for awhile and was allowed no contact with his family for an uncertain time. After this stay (have not found out how long) at the state mental hospital he would then be moved to a mental hospital in the state of Tennessee (he is now suppose to be in Va.). He just had his son 2 weeks ago. It seems unlikely that he has went from being a mildly autistic 10 yr. old boy who loved to go fishing, loved his brother and sisters, enjoyed playing with his cousins and telling me how much he loved me, attending regular public school (placed in a class for children w/ learning disabilities) to a child so severely physcotic and violent that he had to be locked away in a mental hospital with no contact to be made from his parents or any other family member in that short of a time. The husband of my sons ex also told him to call back that afternoon and his ex would be there to answer anything he needed answered. So far she has avoided all calls and messages to please call back (believe me there has been many) because he needed to speak with her about what has happened with their son. He has left messages with her pleading for her to return his call. Actually this is going on the 3rd day now. Now there is no response from anyone including his ex wife's husband. This is turning into one of those horror movies that my son has always avoided watching. What is she hiding from and why did she not talk with my son if she was having issues with their child. She has always informed him of at least the most severe of any illnesses he may have had as well as any med changes that was made. The silence from her and the thoughts of what the child is going through along with limited resources for right now is adding to our panic and we are just trying to find out at least where we may turn for some answers and some kind of help. This even makes me suspicious of my visit to our local social security office about 3 weeks. Ago where I ran into my ex d-in-law while I was applying for a replacement soc. sec. card. And what seemed odd to me is that they called her by my sons last name which she has not used in quiet a few years as she is and has been using her current husbands name. Something definitely is not adding up. I am hoping to hear from my son in the a.m. tomorrow as he is suppose to be on a short vacation from his supervisers position at the steel mill he is employed at. My mind is reeling and I just need to know that he is okay and that hopefully she has really messed up this time so that my son may be able to help his son along with at least obtaining physical custody which is what he has been asking her for. I don't know why she just did not turn the child's care over to my son anyway since he had actually been asking her for just that. She was constantly complaining about how tired she was of dealing with the autism and all that came with it. Not unless she was afarid he may ask for support which he definitely would never do. I am so confused and worried I know that I am rambeling and I am sorry. Thanks for your response.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #7

    Nov 24, 2009, 06:49 PM
    I know this isn't legal advice, but I want you to know that I have prayed for you and your grandson, and will again later tonight.

    May GOD help you at this difficult time.
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #8

    Nov 24, 2009, 07:13 PM

    Your son should take whatever time he has away from his job and actually physically go to this state mental hospital and sit there until someone at that facility tells him what is going on. I have never heard of a mental hospital that denies visits from the patient's family. He needs to demand to see his son. Have him bring along any ID or paperwork that he has regarding proof that he is the father.

    The part where no court or attorney was brought in when they were divorced regarding the child custody issues is now coming home to roost. That was definitely a wrong thing to do. It should have been spelled out on paper who has custody, etc.

    As for your exdaughter in law using the "wrong" last name at SS office - there is nothing you can do about this. Your husband could inquire about his son to the SS office to see if she has signed the son up for SS Disability due to the autism. He's the father. He needs to go there in person and sit in their offices as well and find out what's going on. More than likely she filed for SS Disability for the son which she is legally able to do so. Possibly the hospital admittance was the "key" to her filing for the disability for the son and having it approved. This would bring in her more money every month as well.
    dnaakrs's Avatar
    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #9

    Nov 25, 2009, 09:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by twinkiedooter View Post
    Your son should take whatever time he has away from his job and actually physically go to this state mental hospital and sit there until someone at that facility tells him what is going on. I have never heard of a mental hospital that denies visits from the patient's family. He needs to demand to see his son. Have him bring along any ID or paperwork that he has regarding proof that he is the father.

    The part where no court or attorney was brought in when they were divorced regarding the child custody issues is now coming home to roost. That was definitely a wrong thing to do. It should have been spelled out on paper who has custody, etc.

    As for your exdaughter in law using the "wrong" last name at SS office - there is nothing you can do about this. Your husband could inquire about his son to the SS office to see if she has signed the son up for SS Disability due to the autism. He's the father. He needs to go there in person and sit in their offices as well and find out what's going on. More than likely she filed for SS Disability for the son which she is legally able to do so. Quite possibly the hospital admittance was the "key" to her filing for the disability for the son and having it approved. This would bring in her more money every month as well.
    Today is a new day and I now have much more info. I used my magic jack number to call her at her home. I changed my number to a lebanon va. Prefix (1st change free) and she actually answered the phone and admitted to me the reason was is that she thought it may be from one of my grandsons doctors. This is the 1st contact we have had with her since we have learned about any of this. As I said in my original post she has avoided any and all calls from her ex, my son. It made me feel a little like a detective and it is sad that I have to stoop to being underhanded to find out about my grandson but sometimes things just are not the way we would like for it to be. Back to my grandson... 1st she told me it was mandatory (the hospitalization) and that her hands were tied and it was breaking her heart. About an hour into the conversation she contradicted herself (I was taking notes faster than I ever new I could write as she was talking) and told me it was doctor recommended and voluntary. Every fiber in my being is wanting to scream so many things at her but as we know more flies are drawn to honey than by sh_ _. (I may have quoted that wrong) but am sure that you get what I am saying. The VIOLENT episode they was said to have brought all this on was this (in her words)... another child in his class bit him so he became angry and struck that child (10 yr. old boys, I can see how that could happen autistic or not). She went on to explain that my grandson was reprimanded by his teacher and was sent from the classroom to cool off. ( The other child was not injured but angry that my grandson and struck back at him). When he was allowed back to the classroom obviously he was still angry and upset over being bitten because she said at this point he punched out a glass pane in the classroom door. She went on to tell me that he was sent to the nurse but was not cut... not even a scratch. The school supposedly called the police and our local mental health services which in turn (according to her) ordered him to our community hospital for a phsycriatric evaluation. She said he showed no signs of aggression during this evaluation but was ordered mandatory to admit him to state mental hospital. I don't buy this and am wanting to scream at her, "Don't you think you needed to call his Father!!!"... "Don't you know that he has rights too!!!". I knew if I did there would be a click on the other end of the phone and I could not afford that, not right now. It's really hard to be patient and to play sympathetic to someone you loathe and do not trust but I needed to stay calm to get what info I could on my grandson. I want him to know that we did not forget or forsake him. No matter what. There is/was so many inconsistancies in her story, my panic hit the red level many times during this converstion. She told on herself that she had been to see him and talked with him on the phone after I pushed a little guilt her way about how horrified, scared, alone and hopeless that he had to feel. She admitted to me that we could see him and talk with him anytime that was deemed visitation by the hospital. That was a far cry from what she had said before. That he was in lockup and could have no contact. There is so much BS going on here! I tried in so many ways to get the name of the hospital he's at but never could get that one out of her. I have pulled up on here all the state mental facilities in our state and am praying one will at least say, "yes he is here". This is my next plan today. I have been a little upset w/ my son because I was feeling that he was not trying hard he enough to find his son. But after speaking with him again this morning I do understand. He found this out Sunday (this past) when he called to make arrangements to have him for the holidays. I can only imagine the pain, the anger and the shock he suffered at this first tidbit of info. I found out also that a big argument erupted between him and his current wife because she hid the keys to his vehicle and refused to give them to him. He had gotten ready to make the 1 and 1/2 hr. drive back here to confront his ex and to get his son. My daughter in law refused him his keys, she said he was to angry and distraught to drive muchless confront his ex and her husband. They have 2 other children and she was not going to take them along to witness this or chance him going off half cocked and ending up in jail. I can't imagine him having to go into work 12 hr. night shift after just finding this out. He told me that was one of the hardest things he's had to do. He said he had a million differnet scenes running through his head of his son and none were good. But he said, "mom, we have been on short time for over a month, I am a superviser but I can be replaced, what do I do?'. I agree that he's done what he feels he needs to do to protect his job (he could not have done anything Sunday night). He does have his family to take care also along with his son. He's asked for a short leave from work which he is granted. They could not offer the leave to start until tomorrow which is Thanksgiving day. The school is not open, the offices at our mental health are not open and our social services offices are closed and will be through the weekend. At least we have a game plan now. Monday morning we are going to J and D intake first and then to the mental health facility as well. They will have to give him the info on his sons whereabouts we have found out (he just needs the properpaper work). He plans on going to DSS and then we will no what we legally can do by the time we can make it to the hospital where my grandson is. At least this is the plan and I pray it works as we are hoping. As we have seen it does no good for him to try and find out anything from his ex at this point and what we do find out how much do we know is true? I have been through and seen a few things but nothing ever like this. I feel as if I am in a nightmare I cannot shake, I can't even imagine what my son is feeling as the father to this child. See one thing I am sure of is the love that my son carries for all 3 of his children. He plans trips with them. Not for him and his wife but all of them as a family. Throughout the summer months especially there is many family beach trips, camping, fishing with the kids, etc. And believe me it's always more about the kids and if they're having fun. Him and his current wife have not been out alone since their 2nd wedding anniversary and that's been a few yrs. Back. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know my sons heart and his intentions toward his children. He's a good and caring father. Not someone who is just there sometimes at his convenience. He's a full time dad. I feel that we do have much more insight into what is going on with my grandson plus what we need to do and how we need to go about it. The internet has been a rich resource for me also as to his rights as a parent to the info he needed about the proper papers and even the hospital listings. I am now going to start down the list and call until (hopefully) I can find the one he is in. I want to thank all of you that has been concerned enough to read my posts, for all the info and the prayers. I pray that after Monday (and that feels a hundred yrs. Away) that I may actually be able to post a final very positive post on here. May God bless you all and again thanks, Donna
    dnaakrs's Avatar
    dnaakrs Posts: 28, Reputation: 0
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    #10

    Nov 25, 2009, 09:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jmjoseph View Post
    I know this isn't legal advice, but I want you to know that I have prayed for you and your grandson, and will again later tonight.

    May GOD help you at this difficult time.
    Thank you, I also pray for him along with my family. I think for now our greatest prayer to our good Lord has been that he keep him safe, keep him close and protect him from anyone who may be evil enough to misuse their knowledge, authority or power. I also pray that he ease that child's mind and calm any doubts or fears that he has and gives him a feeling of peace until we can get there for him. The power of prayer is awesome and is so very welcome from any and all who read this.

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