[ScarletSea]

Hi.
So, my boyfriend and I were together for a year and a few months ago we got a flat together, however, I found it hard settling in and due to some self esteem issues I was putting pressure on us so thought going home would be better for us in the long run.

Once I left he decided he didn't want to stay together. In hinesight going home was not the answer because now I feel even more alone. My friends are all doing their own thing and I don't have a job yet and I feel I just want to go back with him to the flat, which he doesn't want.

Im finding this so hard. Its been nearly 3 weeks and I cry nearly everyday. I've read suggestions on how to move on but I just can't seem too.

Any suggestions please?

[Devorameira]

How to move on is a tough question. I don't know if this will help or not, but got some of this info off a website on coping with breakups. Sounds like you're grieving over the loss.

Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.

Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.

Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.

Remind yourself that you still have a future. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.

There's a good fella out there that's perfect for you - just keep a positive attitude.

[ScarletSea]

Thanks very much =]
I've done most of the above maybe Im just taking a while to come to terms with it. Its mostly when Im alone that I get upset and all I think about is him.
Im trying my hardest to look forward.
Thanks again for replying.

[talaniman]

I read your other posts and see a similar pattern going on with the new guy.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ly-270730.html

I can only suggest you focus more on yourself and your future and stay away from relationships and date more, and enjoy yourself. Making attachments and not knowing how to follow through with clear and honest communications is a very strong sign your not ready for deep long lasting commitment.

You will get beyond this though when you focus on you, a job, and education to get a career. There is no hurry to have a permanent partner in your life.

I find that when teen agers are sexually active at a young age, they easily think its love, and get distracted from focusing on themselves, and their own goals.