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peanutiis2fly · Nov 21, 2009, 11:23 AM

I have recently lost my first love in a car accident. He just came back from the army & we were going to meet up but never got that chance to. He died about a month ago & its taken and still is taking a huge toll on me physically and emotionally. Im at a losss... I don't know what eLse to do, so I come here & ask. I don't even beLieve in god, but I'm desperate to get my cLosure. I stay away at night and am a mess by day. I do nothing but cry. I want my love back but since that is impossible I have been looking for a way to reconnect.. I don't have a lot of money to spend on the "professionals" also fearing that it will not be true as well. Someone has to be out there to help. Anyone?

kanicky73 · Nov 21, 2009, 11:27 AM

My dear you definetely need closure. When you say you don't have the money to spend on "professionals" what does that mean? Do you have health insurance? If so lots of plans cover counseling. If you do not have health insurance call your local health and human services. They may offer counseling at no charge. That seems to be the only thing that is going to help you through this right now is to get some counseling. I wish you luck.

peanutiis2fly · Nov 21, 2009, 11:30 AM

I put quotes on professionals because I don't really believe in people who can speak to the dead or god or anything of the sort but I'm willing and desperate to get the closure.

jaime90 · Nov 21, 2009, 11:32 AM

No one else can give you closure, you have to do that yourself. If you don't believe in God and an afterlife, things must look very bleak.

You don't have to talk to a professional in order to feel better about this unfortunate experience. You can talk to realatives and close friends. You could look into free counselors. Most pastors and/or pastor's wives would gladly sit and talk with you for no cost, and many churches host programs for people experiencing the grief of losing a loved one. There are some options out there for you. The biggest step you have to make is realizing you need help, and going out and looking for it. The worst thing you can do is shut yourself in and not express your feelings.

kanicky73 · Nov 21, 2009, 11:41 AM

Oh gosh, I don't think you should seek out anyone who talks to the dead or anything like that. I mean counselors to help you deal with your grief. Grief can be a very devastating thing and there are professional counselors who know exactly how to help you. Jaime90 has a very good suggestion, however if the poster does not believe in god I don't know if talking to a pastor or pastors wife would be the route she would take.

peanutiis2fly · Nov 21, 2009, 11:43 AM

[QUOTE=kanicky73;2096080]Oh gosh, I don't think you should seek out anyone who talks to the dead or anything like that.

Well I never intended too until recently. Its like I'm being forced to search by my feeLings so I'm taking any advice I could get. Just seeing what I can do on here. Thank you all so far.

zippit · Nov 21, 2009, 11:45 AM

I need to learn how to post links,but I googled "closure after death" and found a lot of good stuff on taking steps to gain closure.

From a personal side I would ask you to think of what he would want for you,he loved you and would want you to be happy and healthy so do you'r best to move on and celebrate the time you had and be thankful for that.
So sorry for your loss
Danny

kanicky73 · Nov 21, 2009, 11:47 AM

You're welcome. I hope its helped a little at least. Maybe part of what is hurting you so bad is the fact that you don't believe in god. I am not going to sit here and try to change your mind because all of us are entitled to our own beliefs and ideals. But when someone who is dear to me passes away I find peace in knowing that they are in a better place. Yes its sad that I can no longer see them or talk to them or touch them but knowing that they are with god gives me peace and acceptance. So its hard for me to give you any advice or tell you how to find peace when the only answer I have involves god. So therefore, I would recommend talking to a counselor.

Gemini54 · Nov 21, 2009, 03:14 PM

I know it's really hard when you're feeling so awful, but grief and pain are part of the process of closure. What you are doing is mourning the passing of someone that you care about very much. We all do this in different ways, but despair, crying, depression, anger, numbness, rage, depression are all parts of this grieving process.

Closure will come when it needs to. It is painful, but sadly you need to feel this pain in order for it to pass. If you try to avoid it, then you won't get the closure that you need.

It does take time and counseling can help a great deal. Some people also get some peace from visiting spiritual healers that can contact people who have passed over. Be aware that there are a lot of charlatans and if you decide to do this you should probably ask around and get a personal recommendation.

Finally, speaking to close friends and family helps enormously. Don't be afraid to cry and to talk about it - even if you're doing it a lot. People will understand and their comfort will help you to move towards the closure you desire.