[mazzystar]

Hi Everyone,

I was in a relationship with a girl I met through World of Warcraft(pc game) for about three years until the 4/11/09 when I she ended it, over msn. She is Norwegian, I'm English. She was 16 when I met her and I was 17. I'm now 21 and she is 19.

We've spent a lot of time together. I would visit all the time, couple a times a month sometimes staying for a week and so on and even staying for a month when I could get away with it my end. She would come her a lot and stay for a month or so and then I would go home with her for a week or so. Everything has been peachy and the last time I was her on around the 6th of October 09, my parents brought her over as a surprise birthday present for me and it was great. We were both so happy. I won't go into too many details about what we had as it's not going to do me any good. All I say is: It was great and I never saw it coming.

I had my life planned around her, I've read on the forum that I should not have done it. I was planning to move to Norway after Christmas this year and stay for 6months to learn norwegian at a decent level and get a job. If the job was well paying, I would've stayed for as long as I could. Her parents were 100% supportive of me and treated me like a son since I first time I went to Norway to meet this girl. I have grown very tired of my country: England. I wanted out and this was my chance.

Anyway, I had not spoken to her for a couple of days as my PC had been down. No problems, we've been through a lot worse. I wrote to her on the 4th and asked if everything was OK with us and so on. I got a mixed reply over MSN, and it's not the best place to try and convey emotions. I talked to her over some voice com software we use to talk together and with our friends and she says her feelings have changed, she grew up, she see's things in a different way now and she cannot lie to herself. Oh, also the "wants to be friends" line. This all happened in the 3 weeks we've been apart? I asked her how long she's been feeling like this and she says the feelings were not there when she saw me for my birthday and she still loved me then. Thing is, I saw none of this happening. I always thought I'd feel it coming and creeping up on me like a cold night or something. But no, out of nowhere.
When we spoke on that night, she wouldn't say she didn't love me or didn't want to be with me, she kept avoiding it. I had to say so it's like this: "You don't want to be with me anymore, you don't love me" or "You love me and are confused" she just said "the first one" and that was it. She wouldn't give me any information or show a hint of emotion.
I gave her some space and rang her 2 days later and I cried my eyes out on the phone. I was going to be a man about it, beat my chest and pick her up in my arms and carry on as if nothing happened. Little did I know, eh? I cried for about an hour while talking to her, she wouldn't show me any emotion which I think made it worse. Since then I've gone the NC route, I don't know if this is the best route or what?

I've emailed her mother as I was very close with her from day 1. Not for "Please, get her back for me:(:(:(" but more to get some advise. I've talked to my mother, father and step father more in the past week than I have in the past two months and I've got a lot of solid advise. I know I can't chase something forever and I know nothing lasts forever. Anyway, they thought, considering how well they also knew her mother, that I should email her, so I did. I told her everything that happened and a lot more and just sort of asked "Would it be a good idea to goto Norway and see her daughter face to face" - that's what I've come here for guys.

Should I go over to Norway and get a straight answer? I'll know straight away upon setting foot in the airport and seeing her eyes if she doesn't love me anymore. If it's the case I'll turn around then and get on the first flight back to England. (I bet I won't.)

I just want to know. It's a huge punch in the gut for me. I had a lot riding on the plan of moving to Norway and making a life out there as I loved the country and the people.

Sorry for the huge walls of text guys and I'm sure the question has been asked and the answer given a million times, but I don't know what to do.

Thanks so much.


Also to note she was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend.
I'm not sure how to edit my post :(

[amicon]

Feelings change and you must accept that her feelings for you have.
People grow up and start wanting different things from life.
NC means no contact with her but also with her friends and family so staying in touch with her mother will only add to your confusion.
So no hopping on a plane to Norway s not a good idea.
Concentrate on you and your own life now. In time you ll heal from the breakup.

[geetika3]

Hiii I will say just let her free and if she come back to you than she love you n if not she doesn't love you anymore or she never loved u. see it will be hard for you but you have to do. Meanwhile you don't try to link with anybody who knows her.. and may be god has better plan for you n I know once you face this tough time and as it passes by you will definitely going to say that whatever happened it was really for my good . God bless you with the more beautiful and loving gal

[Devorameira]

Sorry about your break-up. It sounds like you really care a lot for her. This isn’t an easy one to answer.

You say you were happy one day and broken up the next. Is it possible that you were the only one who was happy? Think about it, were there any signs that your girl was less than thrilled to be in your relationship?

There could be several reasons why an otherwise good thing suddenly ends. Here’s just some maybe’s:

* Maybe she was unable to deal with her feelings. Maybe she’s running away from a good thing rather than wait around for it to turn sour. If you think that may be the problem, don’t give chase because this will only fuel her fight or flight instinct. Instead kick back and be patient.

* Maybe she’s dealing with her own personal crisis/issues that have little or nothing to do with you. If this is the case the only thing you can do is relax and wait it out.

* Maybe she just doesn’t feel for you the way you thought she did. Insensitivity/selfishness aside it is possible that you were so caught up in your own joy of being in love that you failed to see your feelings were not being returned? It happens and it doesn’t make you a bad or naïve person. No big deal. Basically, this is just one of those cruel ironies of life that happens to everyone.

Don't fly to see her. Go full NC and let things go. It is the only way.