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bryan626 · Nov 5, 2009, 08:34 AM

So I've been dating this girl for 6months now... we've been through a lot together had our share of fights... but she still doesn't want to be exclusive... she's been seeing someone else recently she's honest about it but it bothers me a lot and she knows that. I've told her that I loved her and I think its freaked her out abit. I'm feeling like I should just move on but I really understand where she's coming from and why she's so afraid so its making it hard for me just to walk away since she does make me happy when were together I really don't know what to do

artlady · Nov 5, 2009, 08:42 AM

At six months if you have already been through a lot together and have had your share of fights,I would say it is a good thing you are not exclusive.

Fighting this early on in a relationship is a red flag that something is not quite right.Before you even consider taking it to another level by being exclusive,you should work out your issues or move on.

One person can't set the pace in a relationship,both have to be in agreement.
If you can't handle her seeing someone else,I think you should move on.

Fighting so early on is a bad sign.Maybe that is why she is keeping her options open.
I would rethink the relationship.

bryan626 · Nov 5, 2009, 08:49 AM

Well all our fights have been cause of her drinking to be honest she tends to overreact and calls me out for liking other girls when she is the only girl I'm talking to right now

artlady · Nov 5, 2009, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by bryan626

Well all our fights have been cause of her drinking to be honest she tends to overreact and calls me out for liking other girls when she is the only girl I'm talking to right now

When you met ,I assume she was a drinker.

That is her choice and you chose to become involved with her.

You can't meet someone and try to change them to fit some preconceived notion of what you want them to be.

Healthy, mutually respectful relationships simply don't work that way.

There is an old expression"If you can't stand the heat ,get out of the kitchen".

bryan626 · Nov 5, 2009, 09:18 AM

I knew she was a drinker and I'm a drinker too I'm not trying to change her just all our fights have come from being drunk kind of sad but it's the truth but yah I know its not what I want to hear but I yah I should get out

Gemini54 · Nov 6, 2009, 06:20 PM

Time to move on bryan - relationships should bring joy and pleasure to your life, and in their early days they should be full of laughter and passion, not fights.

She's keeping her options open for a reason - she doesn't want to be exclusive with YOU, but she doesn't want you to look at other girls. Yea she's scared, but it's also a way to control you.

You might be happy when you are with her, but if you're unhappy when you're not with her, that's even worse.

Cut down on the drinking, get some fresh air and start seeing other girls that want to be exclusive with you. I'm sure there are plenty more out there!

jaime90 · Nov 7, 2009, 08:21 AM

I would try to move on, AND I would try to change my drinking habits! This girl is a cheating drunk. They are harsh words but how aren't they true?

You say you are "dating" which should mean you two are an item- instead she is seeing someone else and wiping her shoes on your emotions on her way out the door. Apparently, she has trouble committing to just one guy. On top of that she drinks and it's causing problems as well.

It's only been six months. If you love her, you would let her go sort out her own problems, and be with this other guy- he is more important to her than focusing her attention on her relationship with you.

And you should probably try to change your drinking habits. The habit of drinking is not just a turn-off for lots of women, it's also bad for you, bad for a potential relationship, and it's a bad example for any of the children you might have in your future family. (Clearly finding a woman that drinks just as much doesn't make your relationship better either.)

Try to move on- if you're not worth this girl's effort and time- she's not worth yours. Go find a woman who will respect and love you unconditionally- or better yet, give it a while, and you may stumble upon her.

J. Sparks · Dec 29, 2009, 01:44 AM

Never tell a girl that you love her unless you're putting a ring on her finger. That's my advice.

.Jay

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Jan 23, 2010, 05:53 PM

Sounds like she's controlling, immature and insecure.

If you bail, don't break up with her yet, because she will make you pay for it by breaking up with you first. She will throw the other guy in your face, your feelings will act up and you will lose the battle, be depressed and not be able to move on for awhile.

If it was me, I would still hang out, lower the call frequency, stop the I love yous completely and then start looking for someone else. Don't confront her about the other guy's, simply say no big deal.

When you feel good enough, go out with your mates and start hunting for another. Then when you find someone else you like to hang out with, dump the old one and don't look back. My feeling is that she will come running to you the moment you are Truly not interested in her anymore.