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wylgwylg · Nov 3, 2009, 12:01 PM

I am a married woman. I like my husband a lot, we get on really well. He is older than me a lot, I start liking the guys around my age. And I have this crush over this guy for over one year, I know it is just a crush, it does not mean anything, but it affects my life quite badly, how can I get over it ?

LearningAsIGo · Nov 3, 2009, 01:45 PM

I would suggest keeping your distance from this crush of yours and try putting more energy into your husband and your relationship - this may help keep you occupied, and in time, forget the crush.

jmjoseph · Nov 3, 2009, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by wylgwylg

I am a married woman. I like my husband a lot, we get on really well. He is older than me a lot, I start liking the guys around my age. And I have this crush over this guy for over one year, I know it is just a crush, it does not mean anything, but it affects my life quite badly, how can I get over it ?

The first thing I notice, is the fact you said you "like" your husband? What happened to LOVE?

Second, you are married, act like it. There's nothing wrong with LOOKING at other guys, but you are fantasizing. What is the next step? An affair? No, you should make things work with your husband. HE is the guy you married, so behave yourself.

The last thing you want to do is cheat, and that's where things like this usually end.

How old are you two please?

wylgwylg · Nov 3, 2009, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

The first thing I notice, is the fact you said you "like" your husband? What happened to LOVE?

Second, you are married, act like it. There's nothing wrong with LOOKING at other guys, but you are fantasizing. What is the next step? An affair? No, you should make things work with your husband. HE is the guy you married, so behave yourself.

The last thing you want to do is cheat, and that's where things like this usually end.

How old are you two please?

I am 25 and he is older than me more than 20 years. But he is a very nice guy , I have never been that close to someone like him. I love him, maybe not sexually.

J_9 · Nov 3, 2009, 02:56 PM

I wish · Nov 3, 2009, 03:05 PM

Avoid all unnecessary contact with him. Since he works with you, keep the conversations as short as possible and only work related. If you are really committed to your current marriage, then focus on that marriage.

Once your feelings for this other man has dissapated, you will be in a better position to interact with him without these romantic feelings getting in the way.

If you're not really committed, then your other choice would be to divorce your husband and try to purse a relationship with this other man.

wylgwylg · Nov 4, 2009, 01:11 PM

I met my husband when I was 19, we got married while I was 21, now I am 25. He is older than me a lot( more than 20 years old ). I thought age is not a matter, but for the last two years I had a four crushes on guys around my age, at the moment I am still having one crush. I know these are all just physical thing, all these crushes do not really mean anything, but...

We are very close , he knows all my crushes, and he says he understands, and he does not mind me having sexual relationships with other guys as long as I am not in love with them. I tried sexual relationship with a guy once , but I do not like it that much, I know that is not what I really want.

I left my husband once for a few days , but I came back , I missed him a lot , and I hate being on my own , I never ever live on my own before...

What should I do ? Pleae??

mumtosix · Nov 4, 2009, 01:22 PM

I think you have a few problems here -
Firstly you have been with your husband for 6 years yet 4 of these years you have had "crushes" on other men. So only 2 years out of 6 have you ever given your marriage a full 100%.

Your husband does not mind you having sexual encounters with other men? I am sure deep down he will mind?

You left your husband but you missed him?

Is the reason that you no longer want to be with your husband but are scared to be alone or is that your husband is that scared of losing you he is going to turn a blind eye if you see another man?

I think you need to really take a look at your marriage as you have many problems that need to be addressed.

Either you want to be with your husband and this includes being faithful ! Or not and you should leave !

TheCompromiser · Nov 4, 2009, 01:29 PM

Sometimes, you need to ask yourself, what do you want to do in life? It's never too late to go to school.. even vocational training. Don't be stuck at home when you're feeling like you're missing something. It doesn't sound like you and your husband have an issues with abuse, and he sounds pretty resonable. Start doing some research on some careers that interest you. Like, beauty school, cousiling, graphic design, massage therapist, accounting! Everything is out there, and these programs are really short, like 8 months. This will get you out in the world, and make you independent and selfsufficient! You have to have control in you're life and a career does that best. Then, when you're on your feet you won't have to worry about being forced into staying with anyone! You'll be doning what you love, and you won't have to rely on anyone.

Gemini54 · Nov 4, 2009, 07:01 PM

I don't know if your situation is sustainable. You got married very young, to someone that is considerably older because you don't want to be alone. He sounds like a pseudo father, not like a husband.

If you're attracted to other guys, it's because something is lacking in your marriage - it's all very well for your husband to say you can can have sex with other guys, but this won't work over the long term.

Yes, it's safe to be with him at the moment - he provides you with company and tacit approval of your crushes. But, this isn't a committed marriage and eventually you'll both be hurt.

Either make a commitment to really being with your husband, or leave. It isn't working the way you're doing it at the moment!

wylgwylg · Nov 5, 2009, 11:43 AM

Thanks you very much :)

I am so glad I found this website...

wylgwylg · Nov 14, 2009, 03:18 PM

My husband is my best friend, we get on very well.
But we want different things. He wants travel around, I wants settle down in one place , have a family. And I have lost all the sexual attraction towards him,( we have a huge age gap) Do I love him??

mudweiser · Nov 14, 2009, 03:24 PM

No one could answer that for you.

How long have you two been married/together?

Have you sought counselling?

Sarah

Cat1864 · Nov 14, 2009, 03:29 PM

This should have been added to your current thread to help keep your story straight. They probably will be merged.

As mudweiser said, only you know how you feel. We can tell you what we think love is which will be as varied as the number of posters on this site.

Let's start with what do you think love is?

wylgwylg · Nov 14, 2009, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

No one could answer that for you.

How long have you two been married/together?

Have you sought counselling?

Sarah

We have been together for six years.
No, we have not been counselling.

wylgwylg · Nov 14, 2009, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

This should have been added to your current thread to help keep your story straight. They probably will be merged.

As mudweiser said, only you know how you feel. We can tell you what we think love is which will be as varied as the number of posters on this site.

Let's start with what do you think love is?

Sorry,I don't know.

mudweiser · Nov 14, 2009, 03:48 PM

Now that I've seen the whole picture I'm going to be blunt.

Yes I do think you should leave your husband.

You were 19, still young! Of course you've had 4 crushes, cripes, being married that young really fires back at you later. Some may disagree but hey that's my opinion.

You don't even know how it is to be on your own and that's no good. Trust me I was in your position a while back, if look through my threads you'll dig up some pretty raunchy stuff.

You NEED to know what it is like to me alone. I personally don't think you love him. I think you "need him". He is more of a crutch than a person you love.

An open marriage [him letting you sex it up with other men] are for strong couples. I think he said that so he wouldn't "lose" you. Ironically, he's already lost you. You were 19 at the time, I'm sure he sensed the day you would wake up.

Moving out and living on your own ain't easy, but I believe you need that lesson in your life in order to grow. You haven't grown, you've been stuck for a while now.

So my opinion is to leave the relationship.

I'm expecting some reddies but this is just my opinion.

Sarah

Cat1864 · Nov 14, 2009, 04:04 PM

While I do believe that a person can get married at 19 and work with his/her mate to build a great relationship, I don't think you and your husband are heading in the same direction.

You ask about love, but have no idea of what you think love is. That is a red flag.

Can you answer this question: Why did you marry him?

wylgwylg · Nov 14, 2009, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Now that I've seen the whole picture I'm going to be blunt.

Yes I do think you should leave your husband.

You were 19, still young! Of course you've had 4 crushes, cripes, being married that young really fires back at you later. Some may disagree but hey that's my opinion.

You don't even know how it is to be on your own and that's no good. Trust me I was in your position a while back, if look through my threads you'll dig up some pretty raunchy stuff.

You NEED to know what it is like to me alone. I personally don't think you love him. I think you "need him". He is more of a crutch than a person you love.

An open marriage [him letting you sex it up with other men] are for strong couples. I think he said that so he wouldn't "lose" you. Ironicly, he's already lost you. You were 19 at the time, I'm sure he sensed the day you would wake up.

Moving out and living on your own ain't easy, but I believe you need that lesson in your life in order to grow. You haven't grown, you've been stuck for a while now.

So my opinion is to leave the relationship.

I'm expecting some reddies but this is just my opinion.

Sarah

I don't love him??

wylgwylg · Nov 14, 2009, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

While I do believe that a person can get married at 19 and work with his/her mate to build a great relationship, I don't think you and your husband are heading in the same direction.

You ask about love, but have no idea of what you think love is. That is a red flag.

Can you answer this question: Why did you marry him?

He is a really nice guy, and he understands me, I have never been that close to a man like that. I feel really comfortable around him, other guys just make me really nervous.