[DJ 'H']

Ok so you have all been following the events of Pete, my unborn baby and I for some time now.

Pete and I have been apart for 6months now and I have given him nothing but space and have been very patient towards him and not pressured him into anything.

In that 6months Pete (himself) off his own back has been to scans with me, talked openly about wanting to be a dad, opened up to me about his worries and concerns, and recently attended parent craft with me. We also talk about out unborn daughter with each other, friends & family as OUR DAUGHTER, OUR THIS & OUR THAT. Pete even mentioned family holidays etc

We hung oiut together with two of his friends recently who are now also expecting a baby and he was flirting and having a giggle with me just like old times. We can chat for england every time we meet and Petes parents have said he always seems happy when he has been spending time with me and just being with me - yet miserable when he has not seen me.

There is for definite sparks flying left right and centre between us even after all this time. And he really has worked through a lot of his issues and I am starting to see once again there Man I fell in love with.

I am reluctant to make any kind of move as I don't want to undo the progress we have made, or make him feel pressured, but want to somehow let him know (in a suttle & ndiscreet manner) that I still love him. Things between us are on the right track, but I want to stay there and keep things moving and progressing! Should I just carry on as I have been, and let things happen naturally?

[rol]

Yes , have not followed your story but that sounds great.
Let him make the moves... It will happen eventually...

[Nohitter410]

I think you are doing a great job because you want to make sure his feelings are the same as yours.

It is tough for you to fully gauge where Pete is coming from because it may be because of the child. Your feelings you have complete control over are not only for the child but for Pete as well and they are back in full force.

The key is to just give it time. 6 months to a man is like 1 year so he definitely seems to be working hard on it. Just keep on having fun with him and not really bring up any feelings so he doesn't close off and let him make the first move. Just be patient.

[Krs]

Hi Holly,

How lovely to hear from you and how lovely it is to hear that you and Pete are getting along fine.

I personally think its about time you had a little chat with Pete. You have waited and waited and been more than patient with Pete that I think its about time you find out where you stand.

Have a private chat with pete, I know you won't force anything on him but make that clear, no pressue, and just tell him you have a right to know where you both stand as a couple esp with your child on the way.

I think you so deserve this now.
Tell him that if he mature enough he should understand why you are having this chat.

[rol]

<<Have a private chat with pete, I know you won't force anything on him but make that clear, no pressue, and just tell him you have a right to know where you both stand as a couple esp with your child on the way.
>>

Hmm sounds a bit forceful ;-) She would be better doing an action... example..
How about for example putting his hand on your stomach to see if he can feel the baby's heartbeat... This should then promote an action from him or if he does not feel comfortable you can wait for another time and try again.

[Krs]

Actions do speak louder than words.

Rol, I have been following Holly's story since the beginning. She has been very very patient with Pete, I also believed she was too good for him, but as things happened, he slowly slowly came round and starting accepting their baby.

So far so good.

But I still believe she should talk to him, just about them 2 not involving the child, not using their child as an excuse for him to fall in love again, its not the right way and I'm sure Holly would agree.
She wants and also needs to know where stands with Pete as a partner not a father, as he already said he would support their child.

[rol]

Yes I agree also she should eventually talk, but would it not be better for him to bring it up, or try to get him to bring it up... plus the fact she is pregnant could make her very stressed if he gives a negative answer...
I would try first getting him to move his hand on the stomach just to see if he pulls away fiercely or if he likes it there which I'm sure he will. Then she can look into his eyes or something like that, and then have the talk ;-)

[talaniman]

Hi DJ, Glad to hear from you again. While I'm happy Pete is slowly coming around, and I know you'd love to know for sure how he feels about the future with you, I hope you can curb your curiosity and continue being patient with him. I just feel that any kind of pressure right now would confuse him and push him away. You've made a lot of progress and I would not do anything to throw a wrench in the works right now. Sounds as Pete needs a lot of patients and a slow loving hand, so that's the way I think you should proceed. Be patient and continue going forward. There is no hurry is there, but I know you'd like a resolution. Go slow and let things follow there natural course for now. I think he is doing his best now and the birth of his child will bring reality home to him. Be patient.

[SINGLE4]

Actions do speak louder than words.

Rol, i have been following Holly's story since the begining. She has been very very patient with Pete, i also believed she was too good for him, but as things happened, he slowly slowly came round and starting accepting their baby.

So far so good.

But i still believe she should talk to him, just about them 2 not involving the child, not using their child as an excuse for him to fall in love again, its not the right way and im sure Holly would agree.
She wants and also needs to know where stands with Pete as a partner not a father, as he already said he wud support their child.

I 100% agree with you Krs. In a mature relationship you should be able to speak of your feelings. I believe the advise that you have given to her on how to approach this is appropriate. It is not forecefully or needy.

[Wildcat21]

Hey Holly - I was worried about you. Lonf time no chat. I meant to write.

Keep doing what you've been doing!

The word we've come to champion around here is TAKE IT SLOW!! SLOW!!

No pressure on Pete right now. You've done a fantastic job so far!! Keep it up!!

[DJ 'H']

Thanks guys for all of your input. Wildcat and Talliman rae right, patience, no pressure and taking things slow will pay off than diving in their declaring my love for him. If I am honest Pete already knows how I feel, and I have waited this long so waiting a little longer is not going to hurt us. Besides it's only 7weeks until our daughter is due!

Funnily enough I text him tonight asking him if he knew how to cure a leaking kettle? He told me to pop round his (which I did) and he found out where the leak was for me and told me how to stop it!. we also had a chit chat about our weekend and had a bit of a giggle together. I then had to leave rapidly because my mate was waiting outside for me (just to remind you all Pete lives next door to me) lol - and then an hour later he phoned me asking for my brothers number, I then said why you pop round and get it as it was on my mobile and he said "you in are you?"... he thought I had gone out, so he popped round - my mate lweft and he stopped and had another chat and giggle for about 20mins and then got off to go mend his CD Player.

[Wildcat21]

You're getting closer... and closer... I can feel it all the way from here!!

[DJ 'H']

Not getting my hopes too high (don't want to get nburned) but I think we are definatley on the right track and very as you say very close to things going all the way! We have our next Parentcraft meeting on Wednesday - so that will be another evening we get to spend together :)

[Skell]

Hey Holly,

Good to here you and baby are going good. And good to see Pete is making positive steps.

I think your biggest worry right now should just be ensuring you and bubs health is spot on.

Keep going along the same lines as you are with Pete. No pressure at all. It is hard for you I understand because you probably want and deserve some sort of answer. But I dare say he would be in no position to give you one.

He is probably very scared, excited, worried, nervous, anxious etc about the impending birth of his child and at the moment is focusing on that. Which I guess is fine.

So no pressure from you and continue to go slow and it sounds as though there is a chance.

It was great to hear from you again!

[DJ 'H']

My daughter and I are very healthy. Getting checks every couple of weeks and I am currently on maternity leave now so resting lots and preparing for her arrival :)

[Wildcat21]

Nice note Skell!!

Once again - I can't say it enough - we see it over and over and over here - go SLOW!! Keep your interest level down - at least to them.

Remember - to an extent - even with Pete - I will always say - and no one has proven me wrong on this one - PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE! ALWAYS!!

[DJ 'H']

I do agree that is the case in most situations - but to be fair pete and I may have been apart in terms of being a couple - but neither of us have dated anyone else or moved on with our lives and given the progress things are looking pretty good. However I am still palying it cool and not getting my hopes too high. Even if Pete and I don't work out as a couple, we will work mas good friends, which will give us the benefit to raise out daughter together as a united front! So which ever way it goes the most important thing has already been accomplished - a relationship with Pete here on would just be a bonus but not something I deem to be as important! I just wanted reassurance that I was doing the right thing by carrying on with the same methiond I have done throughout.

[talaniman]

Consider yourself,, reassured.

[giggles]

Great to hear that things are going well for you! :D
I agree with everyone else here, and it seems your gut instinct is similar - spot on as usual! Take it slowly, you're both adapting gradually and comfortably towards having a child. I wouldn't push a conversation just yet. Things are good the way they are.
I am confused though - did you not move away to a different town, or did you change your plans?
Congrats again, you seem to be moving in the right direction x

[DJ 'H']

No I stayed put in the end. Decided that moving was not going to change a thing - it would have been me running away from the problem - stayoing and sorting things out was the right thing to do!