[DSM521]

Okay Many of you know my past posts. My wife has been having a long term affair, you can go back and read my previous posts.

The question I have know is I was doing the laundry tonight and ran across a pair of her underwear and there is a large amount of discharge in the crotch area. Sorry for being so blunt and disgusting. But I guess the question I have is how much is normal and is there any more after a sexual encounter. I am not sure that the affair is over as they still work with each other and she has not shown much remorse for the affair. Verbally that is. She is still affectionate and says I love you and says she wants everything to work out. But she has never said more than "sorry". That's it.

We are in counseling and working on our problems but this just makes me really wonder. Again sorry for the graphic nature of the post but I really need to hear from the ladies. What is normal and is not?

Thanks in advance.

[Gemini54]

It really depends - I can't remember your wife's age, but a reasonable amount of discharge would be normal is she's ovulating.

Also being on the pill can increase discharge, having a vaginal infection can increase discharge and discharge can also vary, as noted earlier, depending on the time of the month.

Having sex without a condom could mean that a certain amount of semen is held in the vagina and dribbles out afterwards, but if a woman goes to the toilet immediately after, most of it comes out anyway. However, again it depends on an individual woman's physiognomy.

Things can't be too good in your own head if you're checking your wife's underwear and wondering about her activities!

[ohsohappy]

The amount of discharge can vary due to where she is in her monthly cycle, if she has any infections, or is taking any medications.
It can be quite a bit.
I don't think anyone can tell you exactly how MUCH is normal because I'm pretty sure most women don't measure it...
It also can vary depending on the woman.
Also, if it's dry, and on black underwear it can look a lot worse than it is.
The point is, is that if she complains about it being weird than it's probably weird, most women notice if it's something abnormal.

Also, if it's healthy, it should be like a clearish mucus. I'd be more concerned if it was a different color, or if it's clumpy not mucusy.

Kind of think of it like snot (yeah gross I know)
Usually it's mostly clear, and if you have a build up, it's kind of thick. If it's green or yellow, you probably have a sinus infection.

If you haven't been tested already, make sure that you both are.

[Xrayman]

It varies.
This I think is not where you should focus your attention though-it is classified as snooping bordering on stalking. I would be discussing things with her rather than looking for "proof" of affairs.

[DSM521]

Well no things are not good in my head at all. But honestly I was not checking her underwear at all. Like I said I was doing the laundry and her underwear were kind of turned inside out. A true honest just happened upon it kind of thing.

She is 31 she was recently on her period or just coming off it. As far as her going pee right afterwords that may not be the case. Like I said she works with this guy, they are servers at a restaurant. The first two times she had sex with him was in his car and came right home afterward. So if they are getting off early and going to do the deed then she comes home there probably is not a lot of time for her to go pee right afterword. I don't know anything about ovulating or anything of that sort. But I have done the laundry more than a few times and this just seemed like a little more than usual. I don't check it or see it every time. I had no idea the affair was going on for the longest time so that is just creepy for me to be checking her underwear. But from time to time have have noticed some. Just not this much.

This is very hard to explain and a delicate subject. It may be nothing but I had a question and no where else to turn because no one knows about the affair. No friends family no one but my best friend and he won't know. So I turn hear.

[DSM521]

The amount of discharge can vary due to where she is in her monthly cycle, if she has any infections, or is taking any medications.
It can be quite a bit.
I don't think anyone can tell you exactly how MUCH is normal because I'm pretty sure most women don't measure it...
It also can vary depending on the woman.
Also, if it's dry, and on black underwear it can look a lot worse than it is.
The point is, is that if she complains about it being weird than it's probably weird, most women notice if it's something abnormal.

Also, if it's healthy, it should be like a clearish mucus. I'd be more concerned if it was a different color, or if it's clumpy not mucusy.

Kinda think of it like snot (yeah gross I know)
Usually it's mostly clear, and if you have a build up, it's kind of thick. If it's green or yellow, you probably have a sinus infection.

If you haven't been tested already, make sure that you both are.

Ya I know this is a borderline subject and may not be any right answers. I don't think she has had any infections. She has not said anything about it if she has had one and she has not been taking any meds for them if she has one. I guess I am just WAY over paranoid at his point. This is a life shattering event, especially with our four young children. And she has no answers at all. She just says I don't know why this happened, I don't know why I fell for him. Her answer is always I don't know. Its crap I know but we will see how the counseling goes. UGGG

[rockie100]

How are things going otherwise? You two getting along well? I see things have been strained, but are you two having sex? I don't exactly know where Im going with this, but some cheaters don't have sex with their partners around the time they cheat. Just a little food for thought.
I, have had some months where discharge is slightly more noticeable, but nothing that would indicate that I had had sex.
Tell me, can a man smell another man? Because I have definitely smelled another woman... Will try to explain if needed.

[DSM521]

How are things going otherwise? You two getting along well? I see things have been strained, but are you two having sex? I dont exactly know where Im going with this, but some cheaters dont have sex with their partners around the time they cheat. Just a little food for thought.
I, have had some months where discharge is slightly more noticable, but nothing that would indicate that I had had sex.
Tell me, can a man smell another man? Because I have definatly smelled another woman... Will try to explain if needed.

Humm very very interesting questions. Things are pretty good with us. We never fight much. We have had a few blow ups sense I found out. Mostly me blowing up. Nothing to bad. I never called her names, or degraded her in any way. The sorry SOB that she slept with I can't say the same thing. I know its more her fault than his because she let it happen but what kind of a man (if you can call him that) would try to pick up on a married woman... POS.

She is very loving and affectionate, still says I love you. She has given me the I love you but not in love with you line. Even though she can't explain it. She says she loves me more and deeper than just a friend. No I never really smelled him on her. There was a few times she came home and she smelled like she had a drink or two and was chewing gum but nothing to out of the ordinary. The only place I noticed us getting distant was in the bedroom. I mean we always had our issues there because she lost her drive after th birth of out first child. But the las few months she was just not the same when we were making love, and I felt it. It was a very sad feeling. She has admitted to me he was the only one of her lovers that had every given her a vaginal orgasm. That is very hard to deal with. She says they never had oral (I don't really believe that) but she admitted she did not want it to end and she is not attracted or connected to me.

We have made love twice sense I found out (I found out September 24th) and it is well awkward but not horrible. Not sure what she is feeling. She says she does not mind just not turned on by me. I always make sure she has a orgasm first (through oral) then me .

And to go a little deeper on the smell thing, like I said they are both servers at a restaurant, she comes home smelling like Italian food most the time. But she said if they birth got off early enough they would go to his house and have sex. Sometimes just watch TV. So The work smell may have covered up his stench.

[rockie100]

Does she really need to keep this restaurant job? I have been a server for 20 years. Always another one around the corner...

You seem to be more mad at him... I don't quite understand that logic, unless it has to do with the fact you choose to stay with her. And as far as "smell"... you can take me literally or otherwise. I am in more tune to the latter.

[Jake2008]

there is a large amount of discharge in the crotch area. Sorry for being so blunt and disgusting. But I guess the question I have is how much is normal and is there any more after a sexual encounter.

As to the above concern, I'd say that if it were that noticeable, then it's likely sperm. If they're doing it out in his car, I doubt that she'd go back into the restaurant to clean up. Also, they were likely rushed.

If she's not complaining about itching, cramping, feeling lousy etc. likely it isn't a yeast infection or something similar. Of course, any discharge in that amount should be taken up with the family doctor.

[smoothy]

Right after her period there will be a larger amount, which will taper off and remain more or less fairly steady up until the beginning of her next period.

Assuming no yeast infections which tend to be yellowish when dry. But as has been said... it will vary from woman to woman... been married too many years to make a judgement how much.

[DSM521]

Does she really need to keep this resturant job? I have been a server for 20 years. Always another one around the corner...

You seem to be more mad at him... I dont quite understand that logic, unless it has to do with the fact you choose to stay with her. And as far as "smell"... you can take me literally or otherwise. I am in more tune to the latter.

As far as the smell thing I was just trying to answer your question. If I missed what you were trying to say sorry for that.

No I am not more mad at him than her, I am very mad at her as well. I guess being a husband I have no respect for the kind of guys that will have sex with other peoples wives. I know she is the one that should have said no and the ultimate responsibility lyes with her.

As far as the job she is looking for other jobs right now. A good prospect just came up yesterday so we will see.

[smoothy]

As far as the smell thing I was just trying to answer your question. If I missed what you were trying to say sorry for that.

No I am not more mad at him than her, I am very mad at her as well. I guess being a husband I have no respect for the kind of guys that will have sex with other peoples wives. I know she is the one that should have said no and the ultimate responsibility lyes with her.

As far as the job she is looking for other jobs right now. A good prospect just came up yesterday so we will see.

The guy isn't always the aggressor.

[Synnen]

There's absolutely NO WAY to tell from the discharge. My discharge changes all of the time--and sometimes surprises me with the amount that is there.

I am getting the feeling that your wife just isn't really wanting to save your marriage. She's not sorry, she lost her libido when she had a child (but still has libido for OTHER people), states that she's not turned on by you, and has given you the "I love you, but am not IN love with you" line.

I'm sure that she doesn't really KNOW what she wants, and I'm betting that she probably doesn't consciously know why she cheated on you.

Keep going to the marriage counselor and be ABSOLUTELY HONEST with the counselor. Neither of you will get anywhere if you don't.

[shazamataz]

As to the above concern, I'd say that if it were that noticeable, then it's likely sperm. If they're doing it out in his car, I doubt that she'd go back into the restaurant to clean up. Also, they were likely rushed.

If she's not complaining about itching, cramping, feeling lousy etc., likely it isn't a yeast infection or something similar. Of course, any discharge in that amount should be taken up with the family doctor.

I don't know about that...

I will warn you now, too much information but I sometimes have to change my underwear twice a day during certain times of the month.

I have no infections of any kind (checked by doctor) I just have a very large amount of discharge (so much so I refuse to wear dark colored underwear)

[Jake2008]

I didn't know that a discharge could be like that Shaz. I have never experienced it myself, and never heard another woman mention it (not that it likely would come up in converstaion lol), so I've learned something new!

Maybe our OP will just have to get the next pair of soiled underwear to a lab. That should put an end to it.

[Synnen]

Actually, I'd suggest this:

Jack off in a pair of her underwear.

I bet you see a LOT less discharge when that dries than you would from just what she discharges normally.

I'm like Shaz--sometimes I have enough discharge that I think I've gotten my period at the wrong point in the month. It's nothing I'm DOING--it's my body discharging fluid. And yeah... the darker the panties, the worse it looks.

[DSM521]

Actually, I'd suggest this:

Jack off in a pair of her underwear.

Wow Synnen I hope your kidding lol. I really don't need to know that bad. Like I said it was just a question because I happened upon doing the laundry. I am not willing to send her underwear to a lab or masterbate in them.

I am trying to put trust back into her and work on our marriage. I do think she is working on it as well. As far as her being sorry for having the affair I don't think she is. I think she is sorry she got caught, and sorry she hurt me but I don't think she regrets the choice she made to get that involved with another man.

The reason I say that is the time line. The first time it happened was in December. She denied to me for 9 months that it happened. But after I found out about everything she said they did not talk from till it happened the first time in December till April. They started talking again in April and it went from there. It turned in to a full blown relationship. They would talk almost every day. When she was at home with me and the kids they would text back and forth (she would lie to me and say she was texting her cousin). They would text back and forth till 4 an 5 in the mourning when she was up helping her cousin do things with her business. She tries to say she has no feelings for him at all, just friends. I know that is a load of horse crap. Hell she tries to say that it was not even about the sex.

Sorry for the rant but thanks to all that replied and I am glad to see some have learned a little about the subject of discharge lol. But at this point I am done being sneaky and going overboard that way. I am really trying to put that energy into the marriage and working on my feelings. If it works I will be very happy, if not then at leased I know I have done everything to save our marriage and work on our issues.

[DSM521]

The guy isn't always the agressor.

Very true Smoothy, but I know in this case that he was the aggressor. My sister worked with them as well and he flirts with all the good looking girls. He is known as the player, or dog. For lack of better terms. Her problems is she let this happen and well wanted it to happen.

[Jake2008]

You made it sound funny about doing it in her underwear... sorry, but thanks for the giggle. Maybe taking it to the lab was a bit over the top too. But, the question you originally posted was 'Discharge in wife's underwear?', so, I presumed that to be a good clue. :p

I admire you for wanting to put your energy into your marriage, and to make it work. That being said, I don't think that is possible without your wife getting to the reasons she has broken her vows, had an affair with another man, and essentially doesn't think that she needs to change. I don't know that she can be trusted without accountability in other words, and that is only going to come through honest dialogue.

I don't see a lot of remorse, guilt, anxiety, or accountability from her. As you said, she's sorry she got caught, sorry she's hurt you, but the most important part- why it happened, and why it isn't going to happen again, are, or should be, the bottom line for rebuilding trust.

And if there is no trust, what can you base a future on.