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Devorameira · Oct 26, 2009, 02:17 PM

My 65 year old husband seems to be gone a lot. He tells me that he is going to auctions, flea markets, and yard sales, but I think he's lying. He doesn't know that I can check his cell phone records, but I can and have discovered that he makes and/or gets calls 1-3 times daily from a number that I have verified as belonging to a 45 year old woman. The calls last about 10-20 minutes each. On some occasions when he is supposed to be in one location at an auction, I find that phone calls he makes to me are using towers 100+ miles from home. He is protective of his cell phone, keeps it on vibrate all the time, and immediately deletes the calling history, so that adds to my suspicion. He also seems to be angry all the time and yells at me constantly.

I need solid proof. How can I prove his infidelity? I have already gone the reverse phone number route and know the woman's name and address. We have a good bit of money at stake and I know if I could have some definite proof that it would pay off financially, which is important at my age. Does anyone have any ideas?

redhed35 · Oct 26, 2009, 02:19 PM

Going by your post it does not seem that you are interested in getting your marriage back on track.

May I suggest a private detective.

Jayjay027 · Oct 26, 2009, 02:47 PM

Can't you just ask him what he's up to?
He is your husband after all, and there seems to be absolutely NO communication here at all.

Alty · Oct 26, 2009, 02:52 PM

Divorce paying off due to infidelity is no longer the case. You won't get more because he was unfaithful, so if you want to divorce then go ahead, get a lawyer and hope for the best.

If you just want to rub his nose in the fact that you know he's cheating, then get a private investigator.

Good luck.

Gemini54 · Oct 26, 2009, 04:26 PM

Sounds like you're not interested in repairing the marriage.

Ring the woman and find out who she is. You seem to know all about his call history and who he's calling, so give her a ring. Tell her you're his wife.

That'll upset them both. And you'll get it all out into the open.

Devorameira · Oct 27, 2009, 09:45 AM

Thanks for the input. I noted the comments about me not wanting to repair the marriage. :confused: From what I have seen and experienced during my lifetime, I feel that you can never trust a cheat again. Sure they'll act sorry and pretend to have learned their lesson, but a cheat always will return to cheating. If I don't have a husband I can trust then I'm much better off without him.

redhed35 · Oct 27, 2009, 09:55 AM

I guess that's one way of looking at it...

But couples do come back from affairs..

You have to ask yourself if you love him,and are you willing to just let him go.

I wish · Oct 27, 2009, 10:02 AM

You don't even really need solid proof. His behavior has been extremely suspicious.

Confront him about your concerns. If he can't give you an appropriate answer, then there is a huge communication break down, which can ultimately lead to a divorce.

Remember, no trust = no marriage.

Alty · Oct 27, 2009, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

Thanks for the input. I noted the comments about me not wanting to repair the marriage. :confused: From what I have seen and experienced during my lifetime, I feel that you can never trust a cheat again. Sure they'll act sorry and pretend to have learned their lesson, but a cheat always will return to cheating. If I don't have a husband I can trust then I'm much better off without him.

If you don't trust him now, then affair or no affair, the marriage isn't going to be saved.

As for our comments, we go by the information we're given. You seem more concerned about how much money you'll get if you divorce then you do about saving your marriage. You don't even mention trying to fix things. What conclusion would you come to?

It sounds like this marriage is over and has been for some time. Maybe he feels the same way, which is possibly why he's with someone else. It may not even be an affair, just someone to talk to because things aren't going well at home.

Confront him, confront the woman, go from there.

Good luck.

Jake2008 · Oct 28, 2009, 01:57 AM

Had to spread the rep alty.

This sounds like a revenge thing to me. Nasty business when you have to track your husband by cell phone towers.

I'd say you have enough 'proof' of what he's up to. If he's keeping a secret about it, he is messing around in my opinion.

Confronting his 'mistress' won't do any good I don't think. If you were interested in saving your marriage, instead of protecting your bank account, then that might be worth a try for the shock value alone. But, considering you are determined to 'prove' your theory, how much proof do you need.

I'd skip the drama personally, and go straight to a lawyer.

Devorameira · Nov 19, 2009, 10:33 AM

I have been married for 20+ years. My husband has always enjoyed attending auctions and flea markets, but in the last few months he has started spending more and more time away from home. I started getting suspicious when he mentioned that he was going to ask the doctor for Viagra and actually brought some home and then I later found one missing out of the bottle. His interest in sex with me is zero. He started protecting his cell phone, so I checked the verizon website out and found that he has calls Monday through Friday from a particular number. Most of the calls occur between 12:00 and 1:00pm and then again between 5:00 and 5:30. He goes to the gym everyday and stays until after the 12:00 - 1:00 call, then will leave the house again to "walk" or run to the store in the evening between 5:00 amd 5:30. I went on a website and discovered that the phone is owned by a married woman 20 years his junior. Still not believing that he was talking to another woman, I called the number. The woman answered and identified herself, then I hung up. I then decided to buy a voice activated recorder and put in his truck. My voice recorder seems to pick up a lot of road noise, so there were a couple calls that I could not interpret. Yesterday he was heading for an auction and he happened to stop along the way and call her. I was able to hear him ask if she was feeling well enough for him to stop by her house and bring her something. He also questioned whether her husband would find out he'd been there. She lives out in the middle of no-where and I noticed that he didn't ask for directions, so I have to assume that he's been there before. I'm too old for nonsense, but don't want to jump to the wrong conclusion. What do you all think? Cheater?????? :(

itried · Nov 19, 2009, 10:40 AM

Yup, he's cheating.

artlady · Nov 19, 2009, 10:50 AM

He is either cheating or is on his way .
Clearly, he is being secretive and so one can only surmise he has something to hide.
It does not look good.
I applaud your investigative prowess and would continue on until you have more evidence to confront him with.
I'm sorry this is happening to you,no one deserves this.

amicon · Nov 19, 2009, 10:51 AM

You've already asked this in your previous thread. I don't think the advice will differ the second time around.

Devorameira · Nov 19, 2009, 11:41 AM

Amicon, in my previous thread I voiced my suspicions and needed advice on proving it and/or catching him. Now I've got a little more evidence and just wanted some opinions as to whether the additional stuff truly points to cheating or whether my imagination is running wild.

JudyKayTee · Nov 19, 2009, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

Amicon, in my previous thread I voiced my suspicions and needed advice on proving it and/or catching him. Now I've got a little more evidence and just wanted some opinions as to whether the additional stuff truly points to cheating or whether my imagination is running wild.

If you want proof that he's cheating hire someone - a Licensed Private Investigator - to find out. That's the only definitive way, according to the laws in your State, to prove adultery (if that is what you are attempting to do).

SVImager · Nov 19, 2009, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Remember, no trust = no marriage.

I agree.

No Trust = no happiness.

The secrecy itself suggest either an emotional affair or worst a sexual affair

Devorameira · Nov 20, 2009, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Had to spread the rep alty.

This sounds like a revenge thing to me. Nasty business when you have to track your husband by cell phone towers.

I'd say you have enough 'proof' of what he's up to. If he's keeping a secret about it, he is messing around in my opinion.

Confronting his 'mistress' won't do any good I don't think. If you were interested in saving your marriage, instead of protecting your bank account, then that might be worth a try for the shock value alone. But, considering you are determined to 'prove' your theory, how much proof do you need.

I'd skip the drama personally, and go straight to a lawyer.

I am interested in protecting my bank account. My first marriage ended after 20 years with me walking out and taking nothing but my sanity (husband was a cheat and alcoholic). I left my house, furniture, money and all and started over). This is my 2nd marriage and I was the one who had the money when we married and made at least 80% of the rest. May seem selfish, but I have 2 children and 5 grandchildren and don't intend on walking out with nothing. I have to protect my own to insure my kids and grandkids get their share of my estate.

JudyKayTee · Nov 20, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

I am interested in protecting my bank account. My first marriage ended after 20 years with me walking out and taking nothing but my sanity (husband was a cheat and alcoholic). I left my house, furniture, money and all and started over). This is my 2nd marriage and I was the one who had the money when we married and made at least 80% of the rest. May seem selfish, but I have 2 children and 5 grandchildren and don't intend on walking out with nothing. I have to protect my own to insure my kids and grandkids get their share of my estate.

I have no idea how/why you ended your first marriage with nothing and started over. Of course, I don't know what State you are in. Highly unusual for the party who is not guilty to leave a marriage after 20 years with absolutely nothing - leaving house/furniture/money behind.

As far as this marriage - get a good Attorney to protect your kids and grandkids. In many States fault does not matter - the party not at fault does not get extra compensation for being the innocent party. I don't know that proving infidelity gets you any "more" than simply filing for a divorce using cruel and inhuman treatment or whatever your State allows.

I don't see the grounds for divorce - unless you are thinking of the embarrassment factor - having anything to do with the monetary outcome.

I do investigations (including matrimonials) for a living. My advice? If you are so convinced that he is cheating that you are considering hiring someone to prove it - the marriage is over. No matter what anyone finds or doesn't find if you have reached the mindset that he's cheating - it's done.

andip · Nov 20, 2009, 08:31 AM

Definitely sounds like he's cheating, in my experience if he is a cheater he will also be a very good liar and will go to any lengths to conceal it,but like all liars he will get confident slip up although may take time,therefore if it is proof you need now the only thing you can do(if you can cope with the confrontation)is follow him. Catching him there and the reaction on their faces will give you all the proof you need.