[lost_in_wherever]

I'm nearly 29, and am a virgin. However, of late I've been questioning myself whether "waiting" is the way to go. Perhaps it's the way I was brought up, but I've always thought waiting for marriage, which presumably means with the right guy, was what I wanted. I've been in two relationships previously, one of 12 months, and the other lasting 3 years. Both guys have respected my decision on this. Even when we engaged in sexual activities and I felt like I was ready in my second relationship, my partner at the time encouraged me to wait. So now I'm single, have been for two years and still a virgin. I've met men who have been interested in pursuing a relationship but I haven't felt ready to get into another relationship. Then I've met men where we're both sexually and physically attracted, and I question whether I should just go ahead. Yet, I still have that urge to "wait".. although I'm beginning to question whether the right one does exist? Whether I do believe in marriage? I haven't admitted to anyone that I'm a virgin and have felt no need to. So does this mean I'm embarrassed to admit I'm a virgin? But then we have conversations where my male friends joke amongst each other "get out of here....you're 24..you're not a virgin!" and that they prefer to have women who are "experienced". So it makes me wonder - do men think females being a virgin is a bad thing? Especially at my age and older? Is it a turn-off? I've come to accept that if I do meet the right one, he would not be a virgin and experienced, but what would he think of me? Do men not appreciate it anymore? I remember telling my last ex that I was a virgin and he was really surprised when he heard it. And one of the reasons for the break-up was that he had fantasies for other women, hence he felt he didn't love me anymore. So sometimes I wonder whether things would've been different had I not been/am a virgin.

And I guess another thing I fear is "the first time hurts"... does it really hurt?

[guitarrman45]

Still being a virgin is a crown on your head not a prankster's sign secretly taped to your back. Its your life to live the way that you see fit. Unfortunately in these times, the world doesn't think much on virtue. Its nobody's buisiness to know about your sexuallity unless you feel that they might be the one to marry. I know lots of non virgins who wish that they still were. Once you loose it, you can't have it back. Don't give in to pressure by others who just want to get down your pants and possibly destroy your life the way that you want to live it. Your dream is to wait until you are married. Don't give into someone who has no respect for your inner virtue or self respect. I know that its hard. Your lucky to have known someone who was willing to wait. Pray about it and ask God to lead you to someone or lead someone to you. The bottom line is that its your decision and your responsibility for your actions in this world. Be wise

[Morganite]

It is good and moral to wait until marriage.

All your other questions can be answered by reading appropriate and learned literature. Check at: http://www.addall.com/detail/053455251X.html


M:)

[Blackbird]

Stay a VIRGIN there is a Man or maybe two left that appreciates it! As the young Man that I am, I lost my virginity, spun out of control in life and 6 years later, as soon as I started to abstain from sexual activities, my life got so much better! I have a healthier mind and gaining more substantial relationships. Point being is you are saving yourself From a HUGE headache by staying a virgin. You will find each other.

[Meggx7]

This answer is full of advice!

[xanthecran]

You should do what makes you feel happy and comfortable. You know in your heart of hearts what you want. If you want to wait, then wait. The person you marry will love and respect you for who you are, not for your sexual experinece, and to be honest, that comes pretty quickly anyway - especially when you love and trust someone - someone with whom you can experiment and discover your true sexuality.
But if the next time you meet someone special and want to express your love for him through sex then don't let your mind stop you. You don't owe anything to anyone, and it's your choice and your choice only.
Forget about what people may have told you when you were growing up. You don't have to feel scared or guilty about anything. If you want to have sex, then have sex. If you don' then don't. Don't sucumb to social pressure because society simply contrives to make us all do the same thing. Be an individual who knows what she wants and knows who she is.
To answer your final question, it really depends on the person. Some people don't feel a thing the first time they have sex. Others feel some discomfort the first time but are fine thereafter. As for me, well it hurt like hell for about the first 20 times. But you shouldn't be frightened of that. Whatever pain you may feel the first few times rest assured it won't last forever - it eventually feels really good.

[talaniman]

Be patient and live your life the way you see fit and don't wory about who says what. However long you wait the wait will be worth it. Be true to yourself that's all that matters.

[loverboy]

I'm a man of 36 years and I don't see a problem with that. It just shows that you haven't met the right person yet and you are not that type who is easily fooled by men. There are some of us men who would like to dig deep in the soul of a women and not just sex.

So be patient you are a real princess.

[Little Mama]

I am married to my husband who was a virgin (not any more - 5 years married!! ). I just found out that he hadn't even ejaculated once before the wedding night. For a man that seems unheard of nowadays. He is a GREAT lover by the way and certainly didn't need to gain any experience.

It was a great honor to know that he wanted to wait for (me) a special woman that he could share THE most sensual/private act of love. Having sex continues to be a truly vulnerable thing that we share together. We are so glad that no one else sees us since it is so deeply special and unique to US. The deepness in intimacy grows exponentially as time passes. I suggest to remain confident that your dreams will come true and save your secret love making for your special man.


Another point I'd like to make is that men (lots of them) really want to fight for a woman they value. Allow the man to be valiant and seek you.

I also think that you are allowed to act like a woman... be beautiful... and truly believe it and act like it. Spend time making yourself feel like a princess. Wear things you feel sexy and fun in. (Not trashy or revealing). I can do this by wearing jeans and a t-shirt, putting on mascara, face cream and lip gloss, hair in a 'good' pony tail. I'm not suggesting you need to be someone your not but allow yourself to be your best and get out there and meet your man!

I have a friend who was 32 when she got married (she a virgin too). She is having an awsome time with sex after a year of marriage she is totally happy she waited for her man. Your not alone, people wait and your man will notice this amazing sacrifice you have made. Do you realize what magnitude this speaks to your quality of a woman?

It will be the most practical gift to give your man... respect. What is more respectful than that? Men LOVE respect... they feel so manly. The challengemay be to find a guy who is confident enough to receive this manliness. Bonus for you... an awsome man your going to end up with. I think your are successfully weeding out the duds!!

Cheers!!

[Nomad85]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at 29. If anything it shows good qualities like you're patient and have self control. At the end of the day it's your disicion , and me personally every time I come to making a choice I stop and make sure it's completely my own and not influenced by anything like pressure from someone. Don't ware virginity like a kick me sign , it sure as heck isn't anything to be ashamed of.
And marriage will come one day , the guy doesn't have to be mr perfect , he just has to make you feel safe and comfortable and have your same sense of commitment

[excon]

Hello lost:

Here's the answer you were waiting for. No, with the right guy, it doesn't hurt at all.

excon

[LUNAGODDESS]

And I guess another thing I fear is "the first time hurts"... does it really hurt?

In my case it use to hurt to place a tampon up myself... usually the same feeling but wider.. in most women the problem may hurt... in others just a pressured feeling and again in another no feeling at all... I believe it may be the anxiety of the act of sex... that makes it hurt... there is nothing wrong with being a virgin... sex is some much better... when you wait... for you will understand this fact... all that you have cherish was for this special moment to come... do not throw it away because of the peer pressure...

[dbek]

Go with your heart, the right man will come around. If you decide to have sex then just make sure that's what you really want. Some men just want you for sex, those are the ones to get rid of anyway. Why change yourself and what does it matter what they think if you're a virgin.

[JoeCanada76]

There is nothing wrong with still being a virgin and waiting for that one person that best fits you as a match. Remaining a virgin is important to you it should be for whoever your with. Both my wife and I were virgins until we were 27 years. We lost it together of course. It was worth the wait and you will be disappointed with yourself if you just go nuts with some guy you do not even know than you have just hurt yourself. With regret. Take your time, relax. Make a guy wait until you are absolutely ready. I think now a days it is so rare for somebody to still be a virgin and that would be attractive to a guy. Most guys though now a days do not feel like that exists anymore.

Joe

[heartbeauty]

Still being a virgin is a crown on your head not a prankster's sign secretly taped to your back. Its your life to live the way that you see fit. Unfortunatly in these times, the world doesn't think much on virtue. Its nobody's buisiness to know about your sexuallity unless you feel that they might be the one to marry. I know lots of non virgins who wish that they still were. Once you loose it, you can't have it back. Dont give in to pressure by others who just want to get down your pants and possibly destroy your life the way that you want to live it. Your dream is to wait untill you are married. Dont give into someone who has no respect for your inner virtue or self respect. I know that its hard. Your lucky to have known someone who was willing to wait. Pray about it and ask God to lead you to someone or lead someone to you. The bottom line is that its your decision and your responsibility for your actions in this world. Be wise

Well sex is not just everything and the best thing is having sex with the true one..
Else it would be just ing around
Well I believe sex is very special and I should not do it with everybody I know I just can't
I live in this world for my true love when I find it I will have it with just her I am 22 and I will not have sex just for fun..

[nell71]

I really feel for your situation, not least because I identify with it. Until recently I didn't feel ready to have a sexual relationship and I think I was quite guarded about that because we live in a society that expects people of a certain age to be sexually active/experienced. I feel embarrassed to be a late bloomer because I fear peoples responses and I do think people can be quite unkind when it comes to sexuality.

At the end of the day, it's all true what people have said - it does show strength of character and independence, but I guess it feels strange to be sexually inexperienced in a culture that places so much emphasis on sexuality. Having said that I think much of this is superficial and doesn't really amount to anything.

I've waited for a sexual relationship that is meaningful physically, emotionally and spiritually. I haven't told the person in question that I've never had sex and I really hope it doesn't throw him and he doesn't make a big deal out of it, so time will tell. I guess I feel a little sensitive about it and I guess when I look back it would have been easier to have felt this way in my late teens or early twenties, but it takes as long as it takes to get to this place and I know that for me had I engaged in a sexual relationship back then it would have been difficult and painful emotionally because I wasn;t ready to open up to someone in that way and the fact is I think many people's sexual histories are like that. So I'm glad I didn't put myself through that.

At the end of the day it's a personal choice and if you have a partner who loves and respects you he should be able to accept that. I agree what the other woman said, make time for yourself to feel sexy and desirable and embrace that aspect of yourself - if you feel that this is what you want in your life now.

Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
X

[forreal]

I'm a 36 year old virgin female and I can relate to your post because I've never been on date or been kiss by a man.I never doubt my virginity but I'm starting to question do men want meanful committed sex in 2006.

[JoeCanada76]

Meaningfull committed sex, before that comes a committed relationship that developes as being friends first. It is something that takes time. If not then it would never ever be meaningful.

Joe

[forreal]

Jesushelper76,

I can't find any men who want LT friendship only casual.

[powerx7]

I highly respect you lost for still being a virgine. That is a big accomplishment. I personal don't believe that weather or not a girl has had sex matters. It is a double edge knife that is based on a mans personality. I mature man(however rare they are) may find it more attractive where is another man who isn't as mature might find it as a turn off. It really depends on the guy. This is also a good way to test weather or not the man truly loves you. If he loves you eniugh he should be fine with waiting.