[A4Effort]

Both posts make a lot of sense. I highly agree with the fact that I should continue meeting new people and just treat her like I would any other friend.

I think what screwed me up is the fact that we kissed and made out. After that my head started thinking.

[A4Effort]

I talked to some close friends of mine today who know the state I am in and also know about the break up. They basically said what you guys told me for the most part. They told me to treat it as a friendship and just enjoy one day at a time. They told me that I am over my ex and that it will not turn into a rebound relationship as long as I take it slow.

[A4Effort]

Well, second date went very well. I went in there telling myself to take it one date at a time and not look into the future. I said to myself to treat every date like it's the last one. We went for a walk and hung out around campus. We talked A LOT and kept on getting to know each other better. We ended up kissing a few times throughout the date and everything was great.

I am keeping it at this. I am not "working" on a relationship. I am just enjoying the time that I am given with her.

[paxe]

*sigh*, what's the point really, you don't listen. Don't you find it strange how fast you "healed" miracously after you find that girl. It's called rebound even if you say it's something else.

I also had my own possibilities of making out with girls right after my break up. One really hot girl was all over me and she was really pissed I didn't kissed her (so hot... ). Though I knew it was "only" a kiss, I wouldn't do it, it wouldn't be fair to her and to me, and I wouldn't heal properly. I actually wanted to live the actually pain and get better by MYSELF, so that I become a better person. I see the result now and I'm a have much better integrity than before.

You can either take your way or listen to us. The difference is that we have the experience you don't.

[A4Effort]

I think everyone needs to chill a little bit. I have felt this way before I met her. I am not looking for anything right now. I am just enjoying the journey. I am not trying to control anything that is happening. I don't feel weak anymore and I have all my emotions under control.

I like this girl for who she is. I am not bringing any baggage with me. I am happy if we don't go beyond friendship.

But you all can continue sighing. I appreciate everyone's opinion and I listen to it as much as I can but this time I think I'm right. I'll take my chances.

[talaniman]

You know your healed, and ready for more, when your willing to take a risk.

Mind you though quick actions have their own consequences, but the point is when your having fun, have fun. No relationship talk for 6 months. Just date, and have other people places and things, to balance yourself so you don't get fixated on the girl, for now. Don't get carried away, by her, or yourself.

Its when things are going really great, is the time to keep it real.

Take KC's warning to heart, and have fun with no expectations for more.

[A4Effort]

I agree with you tal. I do not want to get out of control and have it turn into my last relationship where I invested ALL my time into her. I do want to have a balance where I can be happy with friends, dating, and everything else.

For example. I really want to hang out with her but I am choosing to hang out with friends tomorrow night and go out dancing. This weekend I am also choosing to hang out with my friends and go to a halloween party. She did ask me to hang out again and we will most likely hang out this Saturday but I am not putting her first. It sounds selfish but I am putting myself first. I need to enjoy MY life, not ours or hers or theirs.

[talaniman]

There you go, its all about keeping your options and opportunities open, and more importantly, having the eyes to recognize them, and having the heart to pursue them when you see them.

[A4Effort]

Well last night was great for the most part. I went out dancing with friends and this new girl I've been seeing came along with a small group of her friends. We danced and had a blast. While dancing we really connect and there was definitely an attraction between us there. From there we decided to go to her place with her friends/roomates.

Her and I ended up talking in the living room until 3:30am. Here is the caution flag part. She told me how she had an ex that she broke up a few months back. She told him that she would give him another chance if he cleaned up (did drugs, etc... ). It turns out that he actually got his life together in the last few months. But now she says that she likes me very much and doesn't know what to do.

I didn't even know what to say so I just told her to make the decision that is best for her.

Having heard this definitely doesn't make me want to get into anything serious with her because I feel like she is not over her ex. So I think I will just keep it at casual dating/friendship.

What do you all think of this situation?

[paxe]

Is that the same girl you went out with and make out?

[A4Effort]

Yes

[paxe]

It's your decision basically, but it depends on what you want. If you feel ready to go into another relationship go for it, but be sure you are completely healed up though, so I'd advise against that.

I think the process after the break up should be healing up, then after healed up, give yourself between 2 to 4 month as a single (blocking any girl's attempt). After that just live normally and if something happens, then great, if not then you don't care because your life is wonderful without it.

[amicon]

My take on this is neither you nor the girl you've been dating are properly healed from your breakups yet.
I agree with paxe-several months of just dating and having a good social life is the best way to go.

[A4Effort]

I agree. Especially since my ex keeps stabbing me. Today without a choice I had to listen to how she is hanging out with 2 guys and having a great Halloween weekend. She pisses me off so much. I had a great time last night an this weekend will be great too but she keeps hurting me this way and it's making it difficult to move on.

[amicon]

I think this has been said before-it's because you still have to see her quite often that it's diffficult to move on-but at some point you'll have to make up your mind to ignore her completely-start by faking it till you make it.

[talaniman]

Your mad at her because she is doing, what your doing, but she is doing it with two guys?? What's the logic in that, and how is she stabbing you now?

As to the date, your having fun, aren't you? Doesn't matter what her issue is, she is fun, doing what your doing, HAVING FUN. I think your seeing what I have been saying, date them all, so your solution is clear, broaden your dating circle.

Did you tell the new girl about your break up, and wasn't looking to get serious? Buddy, that's a shared laugh. Keep it fun!!

[A4Effort]

Well what I am trying to say is that I am not mentioning to my ex how I've been dating this girl. I always use the term friends and try avoid hurting her. She on the other hand flirts in front of me and tells me all this I don't want to hear. I avoid every possible contact but she always tries to talk to me. I keep things short a simple but she tells me more then I want to know.

But this new girl is very much into me but still has some baggage from her last relationship. I told her about my ex and that relationship. I told her how I am living in the moment and not looking forward too much.

This is just another low that will pass. I will be fine later tonight. I am going out with friends and will possibly see the new girl again.

[amicon]

I hope you had a good time and that you re feeling better today.

[A4Effort]

So lets talk about mistakes.
Oh boy.

[paxe]

What happened?
Am I going to say I told you so lol?