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Tullymustknow · Oct 24, 2009, 04:52 PM

Hi, first off I want to warn people that what I'm about to say may be considered to be inappropriate or offensive to some. So if so, then you might want to stop reading. Also, please don't make fun of me for this is hard enough coming on here to ask questions to complete strangers. Thank you.

A little history about myself. I am a 28 year old woman and I have been single for the last 8 months. I work at a law firm while going to law school. I am considered to be a goody goody, well that's what my friends say I am. I would say that I have a good head on my shoulders. However I feel as if I am not in the right frame of mind. In the last 6 months I have been thinking about having one nights stands with random men. Even at work, when I see my boss I have to excuse myself, and go to the bathroom and get myself off. I just want to know if I need to talk to a doctor about this? I feel as if I just want to get {vulgarity deleted} by any random man.. Any advice?

jaime90 · Oct 24, 2009, 05:37 PM

It's not wrong. Actually it's quite natural to have a desire for sexual intimacy- and yes, even for "one night stands" if you're not one to commit. There's nothing wrong with your brain. The only thing wrong could be what you DO with this desire you have. If you're getting off EVERY TIME you want it and it becomes an addiction, or if you're sleeping around and messing around with men (which is dangerous considering the chances of getting pregnant or an STD) you'll want to stop, and handle the desire in a different way. This desire is not wrong in and of itself though.

Tullymustknow · Oct 24, 2009, 05:54 PM

Well, I haven't acted on anything, as far as sleeping with men. I have only been with 2 people and they were long term relationships. So I thought that it could be that, but it's getting bad where I want sexual plessure all of the time. Even when I am driving in my car, I will be at a red light next to an attractive man, and I will stare at him, thinking, omg if I could just follow him home and take advantage of him.

Btw, none of my friends know this about me, seeing that I want to keep them as friends.

In fact, just the other day I was at a store, and I had this very very attractive man come up to me. We started talking and I could tell, he wanted me. I backed down though. See that's the thing, when it all comes down to it I am a foolish little girl. So I feel like that. It's like Im all talk no action. And these bathroom breaks at work aren't helping any. When I see my boss, who is sexy, I get that feeling where I just want him to f@#k me doggie style on his desk. Then I go to the bathroom, hike up my skirt, one hand on the stall, bite my lip, and think of him and every other man I encounter. Hmm I just don't know. I guess because I have been reserved for such a long time. I feel like an animal! I know I sound, well like a pervert.

Evil dead · Oct 24, 2009, 07:25 PM

This is the same thing as me. I currently interested in some girls, one who is also interested in me. But instead of me to take things further, I'm a little distance and instead prefer to use my hand.

Imo I have the idea that masturbating means I will not be sex-crazy as many people seem to be. But it doesn't work that way - I see some girls and imagine me in bed with them.

I think what we need to do is find someone I don't know.. I could never imagine having a one night stand, I would feel dirty. :s

Enigma1999 · Oct 24, 2009, 08:39 PM

Hello Tully,

There is nothing wrong with having those kinds of thoughts.. You are only human. I too have sexual thoughts, quite often I must say, as well as everyone else on this site I am sure.. whether it be with their partner or a complete stranger.

I don't think that you need help or to see a doctor. I saw that you have mentioned that you aren't actually following through will any of your fantasies, which if you decide to do so, make sure you at least know him. You never know who you are inviting into your bed, for all you know, he could be phsyco, not to mention what he might have as far as stds.

Good luck.

Gemini54 · Oct 25, 2009, 12:45 AM

I'm going to take a slightly different view. If your feelings are different to how they used to be, then that may be cause for concern.

There is nothing wrong with having fantasies about guys. But if this desire to 'jump on any attractive guy's bones' is recent and is disturbing you, then why don't you go and talk to someone about it?

It may be that you're feeling sexually frustrated or emotionally frustrated, or it may be that subconsciously you want to shed your 'goody-goody' image. Who knows? Only you do.

Rather that being vaguely horrified by your uncharacteristic urges and fighting the desire, it might be wise to get to the bottom of why you're feeling like this.

It can only lead to greater self understanding.

Catsmine · Oct 25, 2009, 02:26 AM

I'll take Gemini's answer a little further. At 28 your natural libido is at it's peak. Part of this is perfectly natural. Your responses are judicious and careful. Kudos.

As for advice, I have a question. Do you have any guy friends that you trust enough to talk about this with? Any single girl friends? Getting help in finding an outlet does not make you a slut.

You have needs. Finding how to have one's needs fulfilled seems to be approximately 85% of your time on this earth, on average.

smoothy · Oct 26, 2009, 05:51 AM

Fantasies are fine... but most, like this one are best remaining fantasies.

With Herpes... AIDS and a number of other maladies that are untreatible or resist treatment in some cases, that's enough to warn you of the risks.

Sounds like you need to masturbate regularly at home to take the edge off until you find the right partner.

Tullymustknow · Oct 26, 2009, 10:55 AM

[QUOTE=Gemini54;2050284]I'm going to take a slightly different view. If your feelings are different to how they used to be, then that may be cause for concern.

Yes, they are different then how I used to feel. That's one of my concerns as well. What do you think it mean?

Also, smoothy, I feel as if I am getting myself on a regular basis, Just to take the edge off. No, I am not acting on it. I am afraid of the consiquences, like Enigma said as far as inviting a phsyco into my bed and stds.

Surely, me going off to the bathroom at work just to get myself off in not normal, is it? Can anyone else tell me if they do it in public?

I understand that having fantisises is normal, I'm not worried about that. I am just worried about the way I am handeling it. And if I need help, then I will own up to it and get help. I do very much appreciate all of your input. I know, none of you know me, so it's hard to understand my thoughts.

Catsmine · Oct 26, 2009, 10:59 AM

You may have some slight impulse control issues, if this urge is interfering with getting your work done. When is your next appointment with your GYN? Mentioning this increased libido then would be wise.

Tullymustknow · Oct 26, 2009, 06:51 PM

Yes Cats, I've already thought about that.. That's why I made an appointment. Thakyou.

Enigma1999 · Oct 26, 2009, 10:56 PM

Hello Tully,

That's a great step in the right direction! Speaking to the doctor will help put your mind at ease..

Good luck.

Catsmine · Oct 27, 2009, 03:00 AM

Originally Posted by Tullymustknow

Yes Cats, I've already thought about that.. Thats why I made an appointment. Thakyou.

Many BC prescriptions or HRT can affect libido, too. I have seen other meds warnings that it may be a side effect, but I cannot remember which ones. Definitely a long consult this time.

itsamor · Oct 27, 2009, 03:08 AM

There's nothing strange about that at all. I have been having the same problem myself. (but I sadly go through with it, and I was NEVR like this before) I mean you seem to have a lot going for you which I can't say for myself. I don't know, I'd say try dating and maybe if you really like a guy then go for it.. but I'd suggest you wait a few dates. You're going to be a lawyer so you want to be taken seriously, right? Being a floozy won't get you much respect. Trust me I know =/

& if there's something wrong with you like people have been saying then there must be something wrong with me too... tell me if you figure it out.

Xrayman · Oct 27, 2009, 08:47 PM

sounds like a completely normal variant on sexuality, however, if your masturbation is actually interfering with your day to day life i.e. you actually stop working for long periods while you satify yourself, then it is bordering on sexual compulsion perhaps heading towards addiction.At the moment though you just sound like you are exploring your sexuality-totally harmless.

picking up random guys will be VERY dangerous on many levels-watch this.

the safest sex is masturbation