No sex.ever

tas4eaad1 · Oct 22, 2009, 02:49 AM

My life partner is almost 10 years older than me, she is menapausal and has no sex drive at all. We are intimate maybe once or twice a year. Did I mention that I'm in my prime! She isn't cheating, Dr.'s have figured out that her hormones are out of whack, but after changing her script several times, she seems to have given up. I have tried to talk to her about it, not only my desire for intimacy, but my feelings of rejection from this as well, and her feelings, etc... Anyway, I know that unbalanced hormones and menapause both are huge factors, but any new ideas? Oh and the Dr.'s have suggested a lubricant, like KY or whatever to stimulate and ease the dryness, but if she doesn't want to be touched then we're afraid that will only make her feel pressured. Can anyone relate to this? Any new ideas? Thanks

Jake2008 · Oct 22, 2009, 04:29 AM

I think it might be time to go back to the Doctor, and ask for newer treatments that might help.

Her reluctance is understandable considering what happens to a woman's body. Loss of sexual feelings isn't uncommon, nor is fatigue due to hot flashes and night sweats.

This might help.

Menopause: Sex Drive in Menopause

tas4eaad1 · Oct 22, 2009, 06:03 AM

Thanks. I'll suggest it to her and see how she feels.

Ren6 · Oct 22, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by tas4eaad1

My life partner is almost 10 years older than me, she is menapausal and has no sex drive at all. We are intimate maybe once or twice a year. Did I mention that I'm in my prime!! She isn't cheating, Dr.'s have figured out that her hormones are out of whack, but after changing her script several times, she seems to have given up. I have tried to talk to her about it, not only my desire for intimacy, but my feelings of rejection from this as well, and her feelings, etc... Anyway, I know that unbalanced hormones and menapause both are huge factors, but any new ideas? Oh and the Dr.'s have suggested a lubricant, like KY or whatever to stimulate and ease the dryness, but if she doesn't want to be touched then we're afraid that will only make her feel pressured. Can anyone relate to this? Any new ideas? Thanks

Unfortunately, big pharma isn't interested in women's libidos... so doctors don't have a lot to work with.
I suggest that your partner visit a doctor who prescribes bioidentical hormones. He or she will run a simple blood or saliva test on your partner and figure how much her hormones are out of whack. Then he or she will prescribe the hormones she needs. Bioidentical hormones are molecularly identical to the ones found in our bodies, and can be administered in a number of ways. My sister and I are both on these hormones in the cream form- you apply them twice a day.

My regular doctor dismissed the use of bioidentical hormones, but from the very first night I used them, my hot flashes, night sweats and other unpleasant side effects went away completely.

Do an online search for bioidentical hormone experts, or compounding pharmacies in your area.

Good luck...

Ren6 · Oct 22, 2009, 07:21 AM

I'm not finding any links with accurate lists of bioidentical docs... here is a link to help you locate a compounding pharmacy in your area. If you contact them, they can tell you who prescribes bioidentical hormones in your area.

Compounding pharmacies for natural hormones A to I

Gemini54 · Oct 22, 2009, 05:07 PM

I've had the same problem and I hated it. (And I'm a woman)

What worked for me, after trying everything - alternative and conventional over a number of years - was a small amount of HRT. It regulated my hormones and got some more estrogen into my system. HRT does not come without risks, so I had to take that into account. (As will she if she decides to go down this path) But, as Ren6 says, there is very little interest in women's libidos - particularly menopausal women!

Also what was good were estrogen pessaries, they made the lining of my vaginal walls thicker so that it did not hurt to have sex, and brought back some sensation.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, and your partner may be different, but my libido has not come back as strongly as it was. It's better - anything is better than nothing - but I simply don't have the same desire for sex. I now like to have it and I enjoy it, but it's not as frequent either.

My partner is like you, younger than me, and we've had to adjust - I should say he's had to make the most adjustment though. Sadly, it's a fact of life that for some women the need and desire for sex diminish at menopause.

The really important thing is to keep talking about it - without pressure. If she loves you she'll keep working at it. That's what got me though - love and communication! (And the HRT)

Ren6 · Oct 22, 2009, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, and your partner may be different, but my libido has not come back as strongly as it was. It's better - anything is better than nothing - but I simply don't have the same desire for sex. I now like to have it and I enjoy it, but it's not as frequent either.

That sucks. Mine came back completely- I don't know if it's due to the bioidentical part, or my chemistry, or the fact that I'd only lost my libido for four months before I got a prescription. I hope you keep at it...

Gemini54 · Oct 22, 2009, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by Ren6

That sucks. Mine came back completely- I don't know if it's due to the bioidentical part, or my chemistry, or the fact that I'd only lost my libido for four months before I got a prescription. I hope you keep at it...

We're all different, and in the end sex isn't everything. I also figure that it's the quality not the quantity that counts!

tas4eaad1 · Oct 23, 2009, 02:18 AM

Thank you all for your advice and support. We will look into all of these suggestions and see what works for us. What is HRT and how is it taken, a pill, cream, script, natural herb, etc? And I do agree that sex isn't everything, but it would be nice if it fit somewhere. Again, thank you all

Cat1864 · Oct 23, 2009, 05:51 AM

HRT is Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Here is an article that can give you more information: Menopause and Hormone Replacement Therapy

Ren6 · Oct 23, 2009, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by tas4eaad1

Thank you all for your advice and support. We will look into all of these suggestions and see what works for us. What is HRT and how is it taken, a pill, cream, script, natural herb, ect? And I do agree that sex isn't everything, but it would be nice if it fit somewhere. Again, thank you all

I've never had any luck with herbal remedies. HRT can be taken in pill, cream or patch form.

Gemini54 · Oct 23, 2009, 04:44 PM

Originally Posted by tas4eaad1

Thank you all for your advice and support. We will look into all of these suggestions and see what works for us. What is HRT and how is it taken, a pill, cream, script, natural herb, ect? And I do agree that sex isn't everything, but it would be nice if it fit somewhere. Again, thank you all

I was only referring to my situation, in response to Ren's comments not yours! I simply have ahd to accept and adapt, I'm not suggesting you do the same!

tas4eaad1 · Oct 24, 2009, 11:47 AM

Thank you all

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