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Gibs679 · Oct 21, 2009, 03:14 PM

So here's the deal. I've been with my girl for 2 and a half years. 3 weeks ago, I got a huge shock when she comes out of nowhere with "I need a break". She's on her 2nd year of college, very busy with classes because she is going into the nursing program. She also is working and taking care of a new puppy. I know she is busy. Also, though I am still on the fence about this, there has been this other guy she talks to, though she swears its just a friend and has gone through lengths to prove that. In the last 3 weeks, I of course have been flipping out, mood swings, just total blah. But also, we've still been hanging out when there's time. I have had my nights of course when I can't help but break down and try to talk with her about things and the only real response I get is "I just dont want a relationship right now" She still says she loves me, pretty much daily. We still cuddle, kiss each other on the cheeks, hold hands when we're out. Basically we still seem to be together at times minus sex/kissing. Big thing to happen lately is the other night she wanted me to help her study for a bio practical, huge test. So we were up till 3am with that. Along the way she was kind of falling asleep, so I decided to just give her a massage, which ended up kind of us fooling around. Later that night we kissed a couple times. So I ask afterwards if that means we're together and she said she still wants more time. So basically I felt kind of used I think.. but like I said, she still says she loves me, we still hold hands, cuddle, enjoy each others company; she just refuses to have me as a boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do... when I'm good, I'm great, we have an awesome time, but I can't always feel that way when she's talking to another guy, so, like today, I just kind of break down, even though she still took me bra shopping (yay... ) and held my hand and kissed my cheek, swearing she loves me and only wants the other guy as a friend. What am I suppose to be doing? She doesn't know what she needs right now and I'm afraid I can't take this rollercoaster. I don't want to just give up because we both still love each other... /rant, I think I just need to be patient but I want an outsiders opinion... thx in advance

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 03:27 PM

You cannot be her second choice right now. She asked for space and a break so you must give it to her. If you stay there for her she will never want to come back because right now she is having her cake and eating it too. But you should not think about her ever coming back.

Here is the hard part. No contact. Let her do her thing and start focusing on yourself. Let her go. Read the stickies at the top of the page. If you continue staying with her she will only hurt you more in the end when she distances herself even more and starts seeing other men.

Now this last part is based purely on past experience. When a girl asks for a break but she still says she loves you she is trying to let you go with ease and with the least amount of guilt.

Jayjay027 · Oct 21, 2009, 03:27 PM

Stop all contact. She's being unfair asking for a break then asking you to help her study. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

As difficult as it will be, don't reply to her texts, ignore her. Start healing you!

*A4Effort, I didn't copy you, you posted as I was posting lol.

Gibs679 · Oct 21, 2009, 03:36 PM

It appears to be more than just saying she loves me though. I'm trying very hard not to be niave I promise. The way she acts on my good days, its perfect, like we're together. If she wanted to simply get rid of me, why would she still be acting like this?

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by Gibs679

it appears to be more than just saying she loves me though. I'm trying very hard not to be niave i promise. The way she acts on my good days, its perfect, like we're together. If she wanted to simply get rid of me, why would she still be acting like this?

My ex did the same thing. She asked for space but for a few weeks she kept in touch. We hung out, talked, kissed, and even had sex.

She is holding onto you for the emotional support because she made a tough decision and is not ready to let go completely until she either finds someone new or gathers some more courage.

bjohnrupp · Oct 21, 2009, 04:01 PM

Hey Gibs- I feel for you man. I went through something similar a few months ago. DO NOT give her what she wants- go No Contact and see if she misses you.

Don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like she's stringing you along until she's emotionally ready to get rid of you. Its already over- let her go. If she truly loves you she'll come back but don't be waiting for that to happen.

You have history with her and now she's making you play back up to someone new? Disappear from her life and see what happens. Do not respond to any text or call. Tell her you've moved on and see how she reacts. This is your only option at this time.

Gibs679 · Oct 21, 2009, 04:04 PM

From the sounds of it, there is no such thing on this website as a healthy break... thats a real downer

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by Gibs679

from the sounds of it, there is no such thing on this website as a healthy break...thats a real downer

Yes there is. A healthy break up is one where you take care of yourself. Every break up will yield some pain. For some it will be a large amount and for others not as much. An unhealthy breakup is one where you do not take care of yourself and you continue hoping for something that will not occur. She decided to take a break from you for a reason. Allow the proper amount of time for grieving but then pick yourself back up and move on. Right now you have the same opportunity as her to meet new people and enjoy being single again. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, or just connect with something that you weren't able to do before.

bjohnrupp · Oct 21, 2009, 06:16 PM

one thing I learned... break = break up. Don't give her the break and move on. The hardest week of my life was when I was sitting around waiting when my fiancé wanted a break- a week later she dumped me. Don't give her a break- tell her you're moving on (text her) and then ignore her.

talaniman · Oct 21, 2009, 07:24 PM

I think these guys are right, she seems to be waiting for something, and for sure its not you. Give her the break she asked for and start doing your thing.

Unless you would rather hang around waiting to get dumped.

Rhiannnonn · Oct 21, 2009, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

Hey Gibs- I feel for you man. I went through something similar a few months ago. DO NOT give her what she wants- go No Contact and see if she misses you.

Don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like shes stringing you along until shes emotionally ready to get rid of you. Its already over- let her go. If she truly loves you she'll come back but dont be waiting for that to happen.

You have history with her and now shes making you play back up to someone new? Disappear from her life and see what happens. Do not respond to any text or call. Tell her you've moved on and see how she reacts. This is your only option at this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~
It's not just a matter of going "no contact and see if she misses you." You already know that it's over and that she's just stringing you along to try and make herself feel less guilty. Its more like "it's over, go no contact, and tough katootie birds" about how guilty she feels. She dumped you. Why do you want to worry about making her conscience feel better? She did "Riverdance" on your heart with spike shoes!

You've already gone the round where she plays you and wants to just keep you on that back burner with enough of a hold on you to see you beg, "How high??" when she calls you to say, "JUMP!!"

Your best bet is to forget the idea of walking away with anything but your dignity. Forget about "how she reacts," she's found her new toy. Don't let her rub your nose in that fact.