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Jayjay027 · Oct 21, 2009, 01:56 PM

For your own sake, you have to go no contact. It will be the most difficult, most awful thing for you - but you aren't doing yourself any favours by keeping in touch with her. Every time you hear her voice or receive a text from her, every feeling you have is going to come flooding back.

I hate to say it, but it sounds as if she is spinning you a line, and doesn't know quite how to say she wants to split up with you. She doesn't want to break your heart because she probably does have feelings for you, and probably does love you, but she just wants a bit of freedom for herself right now.
The best thing you could do for her, is let her do her own thing for a while.

CoRox35 · Oct 21, 2009, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by Jayjay027

For your own sake, you have to go no contact. It will be the most difficult, most awful thing for you - but you arent doing yourself any favours by keeping in touch with her. Everytime you hear her voice or receive a text from her, every feeling you have is going to come flooding back.

I hate to say it, but it sounds as if she is spinning you a line, and doesnt know quite how to say she wants to split up with you. She doesnt want to break your heart because she probably does have feelings for you, and probably does love you, but she just wants a bit of freedom for herself right now.
The best thing you could do for her, is let her do her own thing for a while.

Thanks for your insight! I don't think she is spinning me a line or maybe I'm just naïve, but I know this girl better than her best girlfriends. Everyone's relationship is different and many people break up for many different reasons. It just hurts to feel like all her feelings for me went away when I know they are still there. When we talked the other day she told me has gained weight because of all the anxiety and hasn't slept since we broke up. Kind of makes me feel good because I'm doing a lot better than that. Guess that's what she gets when she breaks someone's heart. Anyway, she always listens to her mom/acts like her mom and says that her mom knows her best and her mom told her that she will never do better. Her mom also is divorced and was just about to get married and then all of the sudden broke it off. Hmmmm.. maybe it's better that I leave this girl while I can. I know I can do better so that is my motivation to show her that I am way better without her while she has to settle for less for the rest of her life because I'll be the one that got away!

Jayjay027 · Oct 21, 2009, 02:45 PM

Well you certainly seem confident enough. And that's a good thing, she hasn't knocked that so that's good.

Just give her space, she may see that she doesn't want to be without you and ask you back... or she may move on with her life. Either way, you can't hang around, you have to focus on you.

All the best.

friend4u178 · Oct 21, 2009, 08:20 PM

She seems to be telling you a lot of stuff that just makes you hang on with False hope , bottom line is her ACTIONS speak louder than her words. And her actions state she doesn't want to be with you sorry.

CoRox35 · Oct 22, 2009, 11:59 AM

So I've been NC for about 2 days until I am talking to my friend (a girl) and she brings up that my ex may be doing drugs (cocaine). This made me think and connect the dots as to why she has mixed feelings (one day she says she wants to grow old and raise a family, then 2 weeks later she wants to break up because she doesn't love herself enough to love me right now). Also, she said she was depressed and hasn't slept much at all lately. So I contacted her to ask if this way true because I knew part of it was true when she told me 1 1/2 months ago that she bought some but it was for a friend. Give me a break. Well, anyway she responded this morning say that it was not true and that I should just accept the fact that she wants alone time right now instead of trying to find excuses as to why she is acting the way she is.

She also told me that she was about to buy concert tickets for the two of us for a concert in the end of November because the talk we had on Monday really cleared a lot up and she was telling everybody how great I was for letting her take this time and all. I told her that we couldn't be friends because it is too hard to see her because my feelings just come back, but at the same time she was my best friend and hanging out with her would be enjoyable at least that's what I think.

Now I am more confused than ever before. What is with this girl? Hot cold, hot cold! Help Me!

talaniman · Oct 22, 2009, 03:41 PM

If you left her alone for long enough you would get it. Then you would see her through rational, and realistic eyes, instead of emotional confused ones. That's why your not getting it.

CoRox35 · Oct 26, 2009, 10:06 AM

So I have been NC for 5 days now and we broke up 3 weeks ago. This is probably the worst I have felt in 3 weeks and I just keep getting the urge to call her. Did most of you encounter week 3 or so to be harder? What about NC after around 5 days, is it kind of like withdrawl from drugs/alcohol where its harder for people after a few days than the first few? Thanks for all your help!

emopunk7 · Oct 26, 2009, 12:05 PM

Oh man... yes it is very hard. I'm on my way to work and I'm still thinking about it and its after a month of NC. I hope by Nov. 23 I'd be fine but who knows. I'm doing better than the first 2 weeks though. Its just too many memories and it gets to me especially in the mornings when I wake up. It's sooo hard. I hate being broken up with the one I love. Most of the time I blame myself and that doesn't help. You will be fine soon enough. Just relax and find something fun to do. Something that keeps your mind distracted. Send me an email on this thing and we can help each other out. Talk to you soon.

amicon · Oct 26, 2009, 12:16 PM

It is like a detox but the good news is it does get better-just stick to it and keep busy doing things you enjoy, see friends and don't break NC.

CoRox35 · Oct 27, 2009, 05:51 PM

Well I caved in and called her today. We had a great 1st talk, but then had a 2nd one a few hours later where I yelled at her after she lied to me. Told me she had to break up with me because she was depressed and if we had any future we had to break up so that she wouldn't end up hating and resenting me. Well she said today that she really wasn't depressed and that she just wasn't happy with where her life was, even though it has nothing to do with our relationship (she said it was fine) or me (she said her feelings haven't changed). This girl is crazy and I swear to myself that I will go NC. Sorry for letting you all down. This is just hard for me to comprehend because the relationship isn't the problem, there is no other guy, this girl is just confused about her life and took it out on the one person she cared and loved most in this world. Pretty pathetic in my eyes. I deserve better! Sorry again everyone!

amicon · Oct 28, 2009, 01:05 AM

Once you go back to NC and stick to it for good none of her confusion gets to rub off on you.
You take your own time out and heal from the breakup and don't worry about her.
Keep busy and don't look back.

Faithlessfornow · Oct 28, 2009, 01:50 AM

Of course you deserve better and that is exactly what you have to keep telling yourself.

You haven't let anyone down but what you are doing is making life and the situation much harder for yourself.

I am in a very similar boat.. girlfriend left me after 4 years, no "real" reason and the whole "confused" , "spark gone", "need space" crap. She is fed up with us, her job, her age! Everything...

Don't try to understand how she is feeling because it will tear you apart and only she knows what she feels inside. But it is clear from her actions that she doesn't feel the same way that you do right now.

Focus on yourself and I know that isn't easy but I am trying to do exactly the same thing.