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    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 17, 2009, 07:19 PM
    Am I doing the right thing?
    Threads merged

    Hello,
    My Ex boyfriend dumped me about 4 months ago. Sadly, Im still not over him (we were together for 1 year). I have been doing all the wrong things to try and get him back. I am a very honest person and I have had no problem telling him how I feel, I have been reacting off my emotions. I was texting him all the time ( I know its really pathetic) We were trying to be friends but it I so hard for me to look at him like a friend. About a week ago I asked him if he moved on. He says he has. So I told him I wanted to move on too. I told him that I needed to take some time to get my heart back. I really looked at myself and saw that I have lost some dignity, I wasn't the person I was before I met him. So I cut off all contact completely. Its only been a week! But this is a MAJOR accomplishment for me (I have never went over a week without talking to him and I am very proud of myself.)
    SOOO he has been texting me every other day(during that week on no contact). Now that I am not texting him, he says things like "I love you so much an miss you but I just can't say those things to you"... then he says "your the best and you deserve the best and right now im not the best for you" He will say Hi and I won't respond. Then the next day he says OK "I will give your space and call you in a week I guess". Im confused I thought he moved on. Now that Im trying to move on he wants to send me these random messages. I feel like Im getting the upper hand and the tables are starting to to turn.
    Am I right? Do you think he will eventually try to come back If I don't contact him?
    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Oct 17, 2009, 07:20 PM

    Oh yea, I am 21 and he is 22
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Oct 17, 2009, 08:54 PM

    Guess he wanted you in his life still, so maybe keeping up with your own healing is the way to go, since you aren't ready for the friends thing.

    You broke up 4 months ago, remember the misery and pain, and move forward, and don't waste any more time on looking back, because of his mixed signals. He enjoys you hanging on to him, but did he make a move in 4 months?? No he didn't. That's the bottom line, and its your time to get better, and see reality for what it is.

    Take care of you for a change, and stop feeding his ego.
    cherie5883's Avatar
    cherie5883 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Oct 17, 2009, 09:14 PM
    Take it from me - I'm in this situation with my ex all the time. He will definitely try to come back to you if you act distantly. He's totally shocked that after this long you have finally decided to move on and let's face it, no one likes it when someone stops obsessing over them right? This whole time, since he knew he could have you and you were as you said almost begging and losing yourself, he didn't feel like you were anything that he missed because you were giving him the open door. Now that he senses the door may be closing he's scared that he won't have that chance anymore.

    He will come back to you but I PROMISE he will break your heart again. He may even come back to you because he feels that he really misses you but immediately after he has you and you let your guard down he will get tired of it and say it's not working again. You'll be left worse than you are right now.

    When dudes say that you're the best and you deserve the best but that they're not it they're not being truthful. It's not that there is anything wrong with you, and he probably does think you're great and probably wonders to himself why he can't work it out, but guess what, people are selfish and especially with guys - if they want you they will have you if you let them. Do you really want to be with someone who could let you be with someone else? That's the question you have to ask yourself. You said you lost your dignity with him. Is he worth that? It's not your fault that you lost your dignity but it is if you continue to do so... no one can make you stop doing that but yourself. Think about how strong you used to be and how much you used to like yourself. I bet when you look in the mirror you don't even recognize the face or like it. I've been through that, and it does get better - as you saw that week you didn't talk. Keep blocking him! Let him choke on the same dust he made you eat before. He's just being a baby because you're not pining over him anymore. Wah wah wah. You're BETTER than this.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #5

    Oct 18, 2009, 02:36 AM

    Ignore him. Focus on you-get strong and regain your confidence and dignity.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #6

    Oct 18, 2009, 03:33 AM

    Sounds like he is missing the attention.

    Good for you for starting no contact,it's a great start,and very hard to keep when the other person won't stop contacting you..

    Stay strong,you have gotten great insights into how you behave around him,keep on keeping on..

    Be good to yourself and keep no contact,it's the only way to heal.
    Jayjay027's Avatar
    Jayjay027 Posts: 153, Reputation: 31
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    #7

    Oct 18, 2009, 04:17 AM

    Keep ignoring his texts. He doesn't have your best interests at heart. Make yourself completely unavailable to him. He doesn't deserve you.
    mcneilcs's Avatar
    mcneilcs Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 19, 2009, 10:51 AM

    I am going through the same thing was with my ex for 4yrs we still get on well but it too hard being friends when I want more so I'm meeting him for the last time this Friday and cutting all contact because I need to start thinking about myself now although I want him back I just hope he realises 4yrs is a lot to just throw away, good luck with everything I know not contacting him must be extremely hard, in a weird way I'm looking forward to the challenge!
    cherie5883's Avatar
    cherie5883 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Oct 19, 2009, 10:54 AM

    Oh believe me, you will really enjoy not having contact. The hard part is when they start calling you again! It seems you and I are in the same place, thanks for your kind words. We'll be all right. And yes, 4 years does seem like a long time to throw away. I said that a year ago and guess what? It's a year later and now it's 5 years. Don't make it 5. it's really not worth your time. Good luck to you too.
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #10

    Oct 19, 2009, 11:10 AM

    Cherie I don't think mcneilcs post was directed towards you nor is this thread.
    cherie5883's Avatar
    cherie5883 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Oct 19, 2009, 11:20 AM

    Yeah I made that mistake because it came to my inbox and I am new to this site (joined this past Saturday night) and was awaiting answers to my question. I'm sorry this apparently offended you in an intense way.
    Imabadman's Avatar
    Imabadman Posts: 303, Reputation: 135
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    #12

    Oct 19, 2009, 11:23 AM

    ... ah yeah.
    cherie5883's Avatar
    cherie5883 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Oct 19, 2009, 11:37 AM

    Regardless of imabadman pointing out my rookie mistake (sorry, I've never subscribed to an online answer website before) I still stand by my original answer, younglove09, which I really sent with care and agree with everyone on here about your situation. And I do appreciate their words since they do relate to all of our situations.

    You are better than this, and why should you have to ignore him to have him want you again? I'm sure you're a wonderful person who someone else would scoop up quickly if you believed in yourself and your ability to be loved by someone else. Don't let him make you feel like that's impossible.
    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Oct 19, 2009, 12:51 PM

    Thank you for all of your advice everyone! Each day it gets so much easier! Im looking forward to my life sand I am becoming better friends with TIME! I don't know about you guys but music defnietly helps me to get through some days!! Im really loving Jessie James song:
    YouTube - leroyNrufus's Channel

    And Chrisette Michelle's songsYouTube - leroyNrufus's Channel
    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Oct 19, 2009, 12:54 PM
    Sorry theses are the links

    YouTube - Jessie James - I Look So Good - New Music Video - HQ

    YouTube - Chrisette Michele-Blame It on Me
    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Mar 9, 2010, 05:28 PM
    Ex says we were getting to serious
    Threads merged

    Me and my ex broke up a while ago. I still love him and I want to be with him. He says he broke up with me because he got to settled and that made him paranoid and anxious. He says he wants to be with me but he can't right now. What should I do? Should I stop talking to him? ( by the way: Im 22 and he's 23)
    KevintheFool's Avatar
    KevintheFool Posts: 25, Reputation: 6
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    #17

    Mar 9, 2010, 06:57 PM

    It is possible that he got scared of the commitment and what it meant. If so, he probably isnt/wasnt as in to you as you are/were to him.

    If he wants to be with you, but can't right now, you could ask yourself why? Am I not good enough? Is there someone else on the scene?

    But I don't believe that would do yourself any favours at all.

    I think I would leave him to it. Hang out with your friends and remember that you have a life aside from him and life goes on!

    Stay happy - life is too short! :)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #18

    Mar 9, 2010, 08:06 PM

    Same guy from October?
    Younglove09's Avatar
    Younglove09 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Mar 12, 2010, 11:51 AM

    Yes this is the same guy...
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #20

    Mar 12, 2010, 12:11 PM

    NC and start healing and moving on.
    That will end the confusion and false hope.

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