[jessicafletcher]

Hi

Ok this is may all sound silly but I met this girl and we became really close friends she was going through a messy split from her ex and I became her shoulder to cry on. Soon she was sending me loads of text messages telling me how she missed me and loved me and started coming round my house we ended up cuddling and then one thing led to another. She told me I meant the world to her and she didn't know what she do without me. I started to fall in love with her.

Well she started to back off and started her saying her head was a mess and she was still in love in with her ex so I accepted that though it hurt. She started seeing someone else but then that started to go wrong and she then started up again with I miss you and love you. I fell for it again and once again she backed off when things started to become serious saying she wasn't ready for relationship and just wanted to be friends. Again I was hurt but accepted it.

The thing is she would text me all the time and chat online with me and I was so confused then she started again with the I miss you and loveyou and once again I fell for it. I kept asking her do you mean it and she said yes. I play on the same football team as her ex and she started coming to training and flirting with ex who was not interested and moved on. Then all of sudden she stopped talking to me and texting me but I didn't stop I kept texting and asking her what was wrong. She said her head was a mess and she was really busy and she was still hurting over her ex and she needed space but I made the ultimate error and by this time my head was so messed up by all this I couldn't stop texting. The only way I could get her to talk to me was if I was upset so I kept texting her saying how down I was.

Well she started talking to me again and things seemed to be settle down but then she started seeing someone on the football team and I realised that I still had feelings for her and was struggling with a lot jealousy. I got a bit obsessive and could see myself being crazy and obsessive with the texting and I kept asking her to be honest with me but she was like no it's fine text me as much as you want and then I realised she had been showing all my texts to her new girlfriend and telling people how I was obsessed and wouldn't leave her alone. It devastated me and her told her to stay away from football as I couldn't cope with seeing her anymore.

This all reached a head a couple of weeks ago when she was pissed with me about asking her to stay away I just needed space as it was getting me so down. She started telling me how she is struggling to be my friend as I stress her out and text her too much and how I was keeping her from seeing her friends which I wasn't I only space at footbal a couple of hours a week.

In the end I said I think you were right we need some time apart and she agreed though it hurt so much. She told me it won't be forever and she just needs to sort her head out.

I was devastated for six months I have got use to her texting me from first thing in the morning until last thing at night and now there is nothing. The first day was hard I was in so much pain and it hurt so much. It has got better but I still feel the pain and miss her terribly though beginning to wonder if I was being a fool. Can't help blaming myself as I shold have backed off when she wanted.

I miss most our friendship before it all become such a mess and we decided to get involved as she was like my best friend and we talk to each other about anything and everything. She use to give me such confidence and support and was always there and knew how to make me smile. Just when she split with her ex she changed and I don't know who sehe is anymore. Can't help feeling used as when I met she was low in confidence and had hardly any friends and then as she started to get her confidence back and new friends she wanted les and less to do with especially the more crazier I got.

Was just wondering can we ever be friends again? Will she ever talk to me again? Or more importantly should I ever talk to her again?

[amicon]

NO! Don't talk to her again-she s using you as her fallback guy when nobody else from the football team is available.
She also shows your texts to all and sundry-thats not being a friend !
Stay well away from this one, there are plenty of decent girls no need to get involved with this person.

[jessicafletcher]

I know the more I talk about this with other people the more foolish I have been when we decided to break all contact it hurt so much I had never felt so much pain. But the no contact thing has been good so many people are telling me how more happy and relaxed I seem and good fun. I'm starting to get my life back on track and remember who I was before I met her. She became my life for six months and I never realised.

[jessicafletcher]

Hi

I'm doing the no contact thing to try and heal and get my life back on track but one of the problems I'm facing is the fact we have many mutual friends and socialise in the same circles.

Last night was a friends birthday and I discovered that my ex was deliberately not invited as I have been avoiding social situations as when she comes along she just gets drunk and causes trouble. I was touched and flattered that the guys they wanted me there but I also felt so bad and guilty.

I know I am going to run into my ex a lot it can't be helped I just want to know how to cope? When I first saw her I was shaking and felt so sick we just ignored each other. She keeps coming to places where she know I will be and won't give me the space I need to heal and be stronger. I know she is quite sensitive and last night must have hurt her. I know I have to get used to her being there but what is the best thing to do ignore her, be civil or try to talk? And I don't understand why she doesn't want to talk to me but go to places where she knows I will be? Just want to get on my life.

[I wish]

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story.

You're no contacting until you've healed from this break up. It's a temporary arrangement. You can see the mutual friends, but as long as they are understanding enough not to bring your ex along, so that you don't drag ou this healing process. The best would be to minimize your contact with them. If they were good friends, they would understand that you need to recover from the break up, so they wouldn't hold that against you.

But I would strongly suggest that you go do your own thing. See your own friends who aren't considered mutual friends. Make new friends. Spend time with family.

Once you've completely healed, then you can spend more time with the mutual friends again.

[talaniman]

You got so attached to this confused, air head, that you believed anything she told you, and now your seeing her true self, she will tell you anything to keep you attached.

She took advantage of your niceness, and now you have to grow from nice guy, to good guy and be good to yourself, by unattaching from her by any means you have.

Cut the contact with her, and be unavailable for more of her drama, and confusion. She is a player, and good at what she does.

Absolutely no more texting. She will be mad at your lack of attention, but so what. Tell all your friends you are no longer under the witches spell, and they will understand, I'm sure.

She is a witch.

[jessicafletcher]

Coming up to a month with no contact and out of the blue she contacted me again? Very confused and not too sure why or what to say?

[amicon]

Any contact just sets you back and causes confusion. Don't talk to her. Don't take her calls.
Move on-let this go.

[talaniman]

Say hi, and be busy, and unavailable for any chit chat!!

Don't worry about the way. Most times its to see if your ready to be her friend. Are you? Doesn't sound like it to me!

[jessicafletcher]

No I'm not made the mistake of talking to her again when she texted and was a big mistake only has just upset me and I'm not over it or ready to be friends with her yet. So starting the no contact again today is day one.

[amicon]

That's a wise decision. Hope you ll feel better soon.