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freemanpaid · Oct 15, 2009, 04:19 PM

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. He says that I am monotonous, boring, and never emotionally there for him. I disagree with this. Especially when he says that I have always been that way. I have grown a lot emotionally since being with him, but it is never enough for him. I don't know what to do. Stay with him or find someone more on my emotional level?

Gemini54 · Oct 15, 2009, 04:27 PM

Sometimes when people tell us things in intimate relationships, there is a spark of truth in what they say.

Rather than disagreeing with him, or feeling defensive, why don't you talk with him about it and ask him what he means? Ask him what you can do to be more emotionally available for him. Ask him how you could be less boring.

Be brave and honestly assess what your husband is saying to you. If you love each other you should be willing to listen and make adjustments.

Perhaps you would both benefit from counselling so that you can get an objective opinion about any changes required.

Marriage is a serious commitment and it takes hard work. You can't just discard it and find someone else when your partner asks you to make some changes.

jmjoseph · Oct 15, 2009, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by freemanpaid

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. He says that I am monotonous, boring, and never emotionally there for him. I disagree with this. Especially when he says that I have always been that way. I have grown a lot emotionally since being with him, but it is never enough for him. I don't know what to do. Stay with him or find someone more on my emotional level?

WOW, has he always had total disregard for your feelings? If he actually THINKS that you are these things, why did he marry you in the first place?

Personally, if someone told ME that, yes it would hurt my feelings, but I would make it easy for them. I would tell them in a monotonous voice, that my boring a$$ is available to be emotionally kissed. And it always has been.

I wish you the best, regardless.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 15, 2009, 05:42 PM

There is a great book, called "love language" if a couple reads it early enough ( both have to read it) it can change their entire life.

rankrank55 · Oct 15, 2009, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

There is a great book, called "love language" if a couple reads it early enough ( both have to read it) it can change thier entire life.

I was just about to suggest that. It's really important to learn one another’s love language because people feel loved through different ways. Also, one person's perception of emotional fulfillment may be different than another’s; you guys need to sit down and REALLY talk. And more importantly, really listen. This isn't worth leaving someone over.

Here's a simple test but you really should invest in the actual book.
Love Languages Test

talaniman · Oct 16, 2009, 07:07 AM

Unless he tells you why he thinks your boring you will never have a clue as to what he is talking about. So ask him what he means and keeping in mind people who are bored, are boring themselves. They blame you for not entertaining them.

Pay attention to him, as partners are often venting about something that has nothing to do with you. That's why its important to see where his feelings are coming from, before you take it personally.