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HuggableGiggles · Nov 3, 2006, 11:56 AM

My best friend of 9 years is a guy. We are extremely close. About a year ago he told me he was in love with me. Both of our families are really close and everyone feels that we should be together. At the time I told him that I didn't have the same feelings for him. I love him with all my heart just not in a romantic way. Well after that happened he joined the military and has been overseas for almost 3 years. We still keep in contact.. he calls me and we email back and forth. About 2 weeks ago he called me and told me that he is going to ask his current girlfriend to marry him. He had already called my mom and asked her to help him find the ring his girlfriend wants. He also asked me to get to know his girlfriend better and let him know what I think of her. He said if I didn't think she was right for him.. he would listen to me and hold off on the proposal and really think about it a more and look at it from my point of view. Problem is... I like her but part of me is jealous. I still don't love him in that romantic way... even though I know we would make an amazing couple. I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years now and love him more than anything in the world. Why do I feel jealous of my best friend? He asked me last night to be his "best man" even though I'm a girl. How do I handle this? Why do I feel jealous?

mr.yet · Nov 3, 2006, 12:08 PM

Wow, I think your feeling are deeper than you think, jealous why is that if you dn't feel that way.

Do you miss talking to him? Do you always hit it off with are were with him and just talking to him?

Interesting spot you are in , best man for him at the wedding hum?

HuggableGiggles · Nov 3, 2006, 12:33 PM

Yes to all of it. I miss him all the time. I'm always thinking about him. Wondering where he is, what he's doing, if he's okay.. all of it. I talk to his mom all the time.. she's like my 2nd mom. Every time I talk to him we always have amazing conversations. We talk about EVERYTHING. We have always been really honest and open with each other. We both believe in brutal honesty. With that said.. is this one of those things that I should talk to him about or is this the one thing that I need to keep to myself and just support him in his decision and be there for him. All I want is the best for him. Seeing him happy makes me happy. I already told him a little.. basically just that I was in shock and I cried a little when he told his plans. I told him that I wasn't really sure what that meant and he just told me to think about it really hard. A couple days later we talked again but neither of us mentioned anything about that. We just talked about his girlfriend and where he is getting stationed and when he is coming home next. I'm just not sure exactly why I feel the way I do. I'm so confused. :confused:

mr.yet · Nov 3, 2006, 12:45 PM

It sound ilke you have connect very deeply with a soul mate, a person whom you have great respect for and care about. Your feeling are what they are so think about it carefully.

perfectlyhappy · Dec 28, 2006, 12:24 PM

First off I want to tell you that I'm in a very familiar sitituation... my best friend is also a guy and he just asked his girlfriend of 7 months to marry him... I have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year but yet I can't help but to feel empty... we were friends throughout high school and then we both went to separate colleges but he's marrying a girl at mine... but anyway... we we're friends forever... shared everything... he told me our senior year that he loved me and that he believed that one day we would get married... I told him I loved him but not that way... I've been to the family dinners.. am good friends with his sister the whole nine yards... but my advice to you is to think about what you want in life... there is a reason you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years... if you didn't want him when you could have had him... maybe you just want him now because you can't... I realize you have probably already solved this since its been awhile since the last post... I'm just going through a similar thing... I would love to know what happened... keep everyone posted
Thank you

HuggableGiggles · Dec 28, 2006, 01:15 PM

Hey.. thanks for replying! Yes it has been a while but this is what's going on at the moment. I am practically planning his wedding. I have decided that I still don't love him that way and want to wish him well. My only dilemma now is that this girl is a psycho! I don't know how to tell him. I just keep asking him if he's sure about this and every time he says "absolutley positive". I don't know.. maybe he knows something I don't or maybe the other way around. I have just decided to let him make his own decisions. All I can do is be happy for him and be there. :cool:

perfectlyhappy · Dec 28, 2006, 01:34 PM

I think that is the best and the only thing you really can do... maybe he really does love her against everything... good decision

sampatrick · May 16, 2008, 10:09 PM

It seems you feel possessive about him rather than feeling jealous. Best friends are often like this. But it's great to know that both of you are still best of friends. If you like the girl then you go and tell him that she is just perfect for him. Make him know that you are always his best friend. June 8th is best friends day. You can send cards and gifts to him and also don't forget to write down how you feel about the girl.

hermione · May 17, 2008, 08:22 AM

I think that having him available and by your side is a source of comfort that you are scared of losing. When someone gets married, they are promising that no matter what that they will be there for that person. I think that deep down you may be worried that if he gets married, that the relationship that you have now, will change and so will the love that you feel for each other. If you really re-evaluate your feelings for him, maybe what is meant to be will become clear.

RayDiant · Jun 10, 2008, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by HuggableGiggles

Hey.. thanks for replying! Yes it has been a while but this is what's going on at the moment. I am practically planning his wedding. I have decided that I still don't love him that way and want to wish him well. My only dilemma now is that this girl is a psycho! I don't know how to tell him. I just keep asking him if he's sure about this and everytime he says "absolutley positive". I don't know.. maybe he knows something I don't or maybe the other way around. I have just decided to let him make his own decisions. All I can do is be happy for him and be there. :cool:

Have you ever seen the movie with Julia Roberts.. MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING?

nhiu2hnrfesjrae · Jan 24, 2010, 04:38 PM

I think this is strange. My best friend is getting married tomorrow, and although I do have feelings for him, I have let that go and am jealous of him in a different way...
It's the thought that he's always been yours, girlfriend or no girlfriend you've always been the most important to him, and suddenly that's going to change forever...
Before the decision to marry in a courthouse arose, I was also the best man, and a female :)
It scares me that he could be in way over his head, but I have to trust in him... and it scares me that he won't need me anymore... but I guess if that happens... I'll be there anyway and deal with it.

And I note that you called his girl a psycho...
Don't let him go through with this without discussing your concerns. My poor bestie already went through that... this is his second marriage because the first girl was NUTCASE!
Please help him by being honest.
Good luck to you.

kindar02 · Jun 7, 2011, 11:09 AM

Hey!
I think it's completely normal to feel that jealousy. It's only normal and human. For how many years he was your number one in your life and now he won't be, he'll be going to some other girl for everything. I was in a similar situation earlier on in life. It was damn confusing, but trust me if you really were meant to be with him it would have clicked already. I mean you can truly care for someone more than just a friend but still not see them in an intimate way. It's crazy I know but very possible! I would do whatever you can to get to know his girlfriend because your opinion still means the world to him! He'll always miss you and in some way you'll always be his number one! Good luck with everything! :)