[Aresryu]

Please help. My wife says I used to please her sexually now she says I am not pleasing her anymore. She is usually always pleased orally and most sometimes physically. She said she had to force herself to orgasm from oral stimulation and I have not been pleasing her. My techniques has not changed. Is it something I am doing wrong or is it her? I am confused. She isn't cheating and she says she loves me very much. She keeps telling me I will work it out but I don't know what's wrong. :(:confused:

[rankrank55]

Has her libido changed? Have you tried anything new?

[redhed35]

Don't panic...

If you have both been having sex the same way for years,perhaps its time to mix it up a little.. you can sometimes find yourself in a sex rut,as well as a life rut.

Be creative... perhaps introduce some toys?

Or new postions,even try a different room in the house.

If the finances can stretch,a night on the town and stay in a hotel.

Bring back the romance.. talk about fantises...

In every relationship you have to work to make it work!

[rankrank55]

Be sensitve to her libido if it has changed; decreased libido is a common problem that can affect women of all ages. In addition, it is a complex issue with many contributing factors. Changes in a woman's sexual drive and satisfaction can have MANY influencing factors, including physical aspects as well as mental and emotional factors. Is there a chance she is going through menopause? From my experience, if the problem isn't horomonal, REST, exercise, and LOTS of foreplay are KEY to sexual desire. I will say it again REST, EXERCISE, and FOREPLAY.

[Aresryu]

I believe you are correct. Rest,Exercise and Foreplay.

[Cat1864]

How old are you? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Has she lost or gained weight? Have you lost or gained weight?

Having children and weight loss/gain cause physical changes as well as mental and emotional changes. It sometimes gets overlooked that after a pregnancy the body never fully returns to its original state. The same goes for weight changes. Another physical change can be hormonal.

I think that you and she need to sit down and discuss what's going on. It may come out that she needs more mental stimulation at this point in her sex life. It may be that she doesn't understand what is going on, however, it is unfair of her to say, "Oh, you'll figure it out." She needs to be helping rather than hindering.

Marriage is a partnership and needs both people working together to overcome issues that arise.

[Aresryu]

She is 35 I am 32. I have not experienced significant weight gain or loss neither has she. I do agree that we need to talk about it together. She was quick to say "Oh, you'll figure it out." and "You just need to learn what to do." I was thinking to myself when did I become a telepath. I have shared some of the answers and advice and the thing she did not want me to do the most is the appropriate answer ask questions and more foreplay. I told her continually wham, bam, thank you mam sex does not increase intimacy and hormonal shifts may may be playing a role. She thinks she may be pregnant. We have children 7 and 13 they are from her previous relationships both are usually asleep when we have sex and do not interrupt us. Is it common for a woman who is pregnant or thinks she might be pregnant to experience some lack of libido?

[Cat1864]

There may be mental issues with having children old enough to understand what the parents are doing behind closed doors. The oldest one hitting the age of puberty could be part of it, too.

Yes, pregnancy can play a role in the libido. Fear of pregnancy can play a big part. If she is, there are all kinds of physical changes as well as mental. Add into the mix, such wonderful things as morning sickness (that is misnamed because it doesn't hit just in the morning), frequent urination, soreness of breasts, etc. and the libido takes a beating. If you haven't been trying to have another child, then there are the concerns about unplanned pregnancy and the future.

She needs to see her doctor to get a complete check up and to determine if she is pregnant. Even as early as the mid 30's some women start experiencing the beginnings of menopause which is another thing that affects a woman's entire being. From the hormonal changes to the emotional turmoil of never being able to have children again, even if she didn't want to have more children.

[talaniman]

I would ask her what she wants, and be willing to do whatever she asks. People change and what's going on in your life can change attitudes and feelings, and sometimes we just have to change our techniques. That can be fun.

[need_to_talk]

When I was pregnant my libido dropped so dramatically I didn't want sex for months and I actually felt angry when my husband tried to have sex, lol. But saying that, we've always had marital issues that have made me not want physical contact sometimes so I think it was a combination of the two for me.

[artlady]

Women as young as 32 can be experiencing some perimenopausal symptoms.

Changes in sexual function. During perimenopause, sexual arousal and desire may change. But for most women who had satisfactory sexual intimacy before menopause, this will continue through perimenopause and beyond.

Perimenopause: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com

[Aresryu]

I appreciate the answers. Menopause may be a very real happening for her. She has been complaining about flashes. She desperately wants another baby. She claims she is extremely fertile. I definitely agree with the foreplay and the mental issues she is constantly listening to make sure the boys don't hear us. I suggested music to drown any noise. I think being mentally distracted can rob a woman of the maximum pleasure. Thank you all for the great insight.

[Cat1864]

If she wants another child that badly, menopause or rather the early symptoms of it, may be hitting her extremely hard. You may need to be ready to give her more emotional support than sexual for awhile.

I guess one last big question is: Do you want a biological child? Have you discussed having a baby?

[Aresryu]

Yes we both do and we discussed it. Thank you all for your support the former problem was resolved. It was getting her to tell me what she needed and her allowing herself time to relax and remove daily frustrations from her mind so she could enjoy.

[Cat1864]

I am glad it sounds like things are getting better. :)

[rankrank55]

Yes we both do and we discussed it. Thank you all for your support the former problem was resolved. It was getting her to tell me what she needed and her allowing herself time to relax and remove daily frustrations from her mind so she could enjoy.

Wonderful news!