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finmasta · Nov 2, 2006, 11:12 PM

My girlfriend just broke up with me about a week ago and her reason was she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and not just with me but with anyone. We dated all of her senior year of high school and she has gone off to college at UCSB and we were going to try and stick through that one year and I would move down there and go to school there too. I'm still a senior in high school and she is a year older than me. Well we only made it about a month in and she just felt like she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Its so hard for me to understand why and how she could go from loving me more than ever to just letting everything go. She says she just doesn't have the time to put into it and she wants go grow up and go through this change of being in college with out being with someone. It doesn't make sense because we have helped each other through everything and gone through a lot. What makes this different from anything else we have gone through. She says I'm her best friend and she has proven that to me in this week and I want as more than that. She says right now she still wants me in her life and she would be torn apart if I wasn't, but she only wants me as a friend right now. She says there maybe a chance later for us to get back together. She said that if she wanted to be in a relationship it would be with me. She has never lied or cheated on me, she has always been faithful. But I don't want to wait and no that there is also a chance that we could not get back together. She says she still loves me very much and always wants to be here for me, but it doesn't make sense. Even after the break up our converstaions haven't changed at all and neither has how we spend our time together. Can someone please tell me what to do I'm so confused

helixfire · Nov 2, 2006, 11:51 PM

I'm really sorry. I can't speak for anyone else. But I said something similar to my Ex High School sweetheart which was about 10 years ago. And its not fair, but the truth is I loved him more as a friend then anything else. It's more like unconditional love. When you're with a person for a long time you unconditionally love them. It may not be "true love" and maybe I don't really think I quite know what that is yet. But, the only thing I can suggest to you is to make sure her decsion is certain and move on. Because you can't hang around waiting for her to say 'ok, yea I want to be in this relationship'. If you do, you'll only end up hurting more and hurting yourself in the end.

imation · Nov 3, 2006, 12:44 AM

OK, this might sound harsh and if it does, sorry in advance, the truth is always best you know, no matter what it is.
By saying that she doesn't want a boyfriend she is really saying 'i don't want to be tied down because having a boyfriend limits me when I'm in college'
She's probably telling the truth when she says that if she did want a relationship it would be with you, but basically all in all... she broke up with you because she wants to go nuts go to parties go out with friends and have a blast doing her own thing without having the pressures, trials and tribulations of a long term boyfriend.
I hope I helped a bit
Goodluck, I suggest for now, just focus on other things or find yourself a good friend you can pour your heart out too, or hey, why not post it here! You have a huge support basis on askmehelpdesk.com

talaniman · Nov 3, 2006, 05:56 AM

Respect her wishes no matter how much it hurts and concentrate on YOUR senior year being a good one. Move on and let her enjoy her life.

dewanda · Nov 3, 2006, 07:34 AM

I am sorry that you are going through this and to be honest this is only my opinion you have to decide on your own what you want to do but in your letter you keep saying "this doesn't make sense", sweetheart yes it does she has gone off and meet new people in a different surrounding, you said that she's never cheated on you and she wants to keep it that way so to do that she has to break up with you and leave her options open for the "just in case". I don't mean to seem cruel but you have to be realistic, this doesn' t mean she doesn't care it just means that she's trying not to hurt you in the future, because she knows that she may meet someone else.

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 3, 2006, 08:14 AM

Sorry to hear about what is happening to you at the moment. I am going through similar problems however my ex has cut all contact and so have I although finding it very hard. I don't think you can stay friends with her, she sounds like she wants to experiment a bit and have fun, sorry if that hurts and I don't want to make you feel bad but it sounds quite similar to my situation. It is comforting that she says she loves you and I guess it is possible that you can love someone but want to be apart for a while to explore yourself..

I think you should back off, tell her that you don't want to stay friends under these circumstances.. I mean, make it clear how you feel but tell her that you need time apart. Then break contact altogether.. >She knows you love her!

In time to come she may come back to you, she may not, but you should back off to save yourself being hurt anymore..

I know it is hard, I am going through the same torture, but you must try and put yourself first..

Take Care and post on here if you need to, it really helps!!

chuff · Nov 3, 2006, 10:53 AM

She's finally experiencing life on her own. No parents. No real responsibilities. Just college and the lifestyle that comes with it. In the past month she's had a whole new world open up to her. You can't understand it because you haven't been there yet. But she's in a growing period of her life.

DrJ · Nov 3, 2006, 11:00 AM

Accept it and move on... go do your own thing. You're a senior in high school... party it up, too. No need to be tied down right now anyway. Who knows... maybe after you both get it out of your system, you will find each other again. But until then, let her do her thing. If you don't get it this year, you will next year when you go to college, too ;)

s_cianci · Nov 3, 2006, 06:22 PM

Give her space and cut off contact with her for a while. Get out and do the things that you enjoy and live your own life. Obsessing about her won't help the situation and will probably only hinder it. Let her decide that she misses you and wonders what you're up to. That may get her back. ANything else will only push her away further.

FalloutBoy · Nov 9, 2006, 09:04 PM

Relationships... think about it how they go... you feel obligated to some one.. you have to call them you have to hug them you have to kiss them and for her maybe its not that she doesn't love u or like u. but maybe she doesn't want the obligation anymore... and if she said she there maybe a chance later... she 1.doesnt want to hurt your feelings or 2. is "experimenting" as in talking to other guys and wants to feel free to do that.

Krs · Nov 10, 2006, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by FalloutBoy

Relationships...think about it how they go...you feel obligated to some one..you have to call them you have to hug them you have to kiss them and for her maybe its not that she doesnt love u or like u. but maybe she doesnt want the obligation anymore...and if she said she there maybe a chance later...she 1.doesnt want to hurt your feelings or 2. is "experimenting" as in talking to other guys and wants to feel free to do that.

If you feel obligated to do any of what u mentioned above in a relationship, then why be in the relationship at all... u should WANT to do all those things, not feel obligated to do them

kp2171 · Nov 10, 2006, 06:41 AM

You need to move on.

It sucks. It feels like you're alone... but among the several billion people in the world, a few of us have gone through the same crap and gotten through it.

She probably never lied to you. She's just in a different place. She's experiencing different things and has new freedoms, and quite honestly, I don't blame her. You might be the best guy in the world. Its time for her to figure that out... and most of the time it means a relationship that really was worth something is left behind. Doesn't mean it wasn't good. But it may not be right for her right now... she's wanting more independence. There's nothing wrong with that from an outsiders perspective.

I have a 20 year old daughter in college. She kind of did the same thing, without the dumping. She wasn't dating anyone when she went to school, but she deliberately didn't date her first year... she was just too busy and there were other guys she was interested in getting to know. She didn't date them... but being attached was a guilt trip she didn't need to face. College can be a time of great freedom and getting to know others in a part of the experience. If she says she's not wanting to be in a relationship right now, then its done. Any energy you spend trying to make it otherwise is wasted.

So... like I said. Sucks to be you. I've been there. Others have too. You hurt like hell for a time. Feel bad for yourself. And eventually you get over it and find someone else. It happens. It gets better. You need to start to move on.