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Whitedragon6859 · Oct 8, 2009, 07:28 PM

My daughter is 13months old and her father has made it very clear that he does not call to check on her when she is home with me cause "she can not comprehend a phone call." Yet, he wants to take her to the dominican republic and get her a passport. I have denied this to him stating that at her age it would not be a direct benefit for her to go and that there is no need for a passport. He has gone and told the courts behind my back that I gave consent to this and I received a court order that I shall give him the necessary documents so he can obtain the passport. What would be the best course of action to make sure this does not go any further. I will not agree to sign ANY documents allowing him to obtain the passport and we have shared legal custody and his name does not appear on the birth certificate. He does have a paternity test stating he is the father. He has been attempting to gain full custody since getting the paternity test using all kinds of dirty tactics and now I'm afraid he is going to take her, flee the country and I'll never be able to find them. I just got the letter today and am going to the court house tomorrow to file an appeal. Is there any other advise?

cdad · Oct 8, 2009, 07:32 PM

What documents are they asking for ? It would seem as the legal father he could get what he needed if its supposed to be a birth certificate etc. What did they ask for ?

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 04:38 AM

Nothing in particular is listed. Just says that I shall give him necessary documents. Well, I do know that he would need my signature, which I WILL not furnish him with. This is absolutely absurd. She's 1 How will this possibly benefit her. He is just trying to bully me into giving up custody. He has offered me $50K for her cause his wife can not have children. We were only together a VERY short time cause I found out he was married. I moved, changed my number... etc. I then found out I was pregnant, and fought with myself as to whether he should be involved. I decided that my daughter should know her father, no matter how big of a scum bag he is. I've regretted the decision since the day I made it.

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 9, 2009, 04:46 AM

I fear that if he takes her you will not get her back. It happens every day . Contact a lawyer now to avoid his trickery and make sure he knows that your baby's daddy has offered to buy your child from you and that you fear your child will be abducted. It is my opinion that he should only be intitled to supervised visitation due to all the info posted.

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:26 AM

Also, can I use this instance of him going behind my back as a way to obtain sole legal custody?

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 9, 2009, 05:37 AM

Contact a good attorney!

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:43 AM

My 1 year old has my maiden name. I have recently gotten married to the man that raised her from birth. Now, her Bio - father says he wants his last name to be hyphonated with mine. The only reason he can give is that he wants her to have his name when he has her. He only gets her 2 days a week. She doesn't know that her name is different and by the time she is old enough for this he will only be getting her every other weekend and approx 2 weeks in summer as she will be attending school with me, her health insurance is through me... etc. I have primary physical custody. If she were older and told me that she would like his name then I could see it being beneficial to her but this is just an ego issue on his part. My daughter was born out of wed lock as he was married. When I found out about the marriage, I left the picture entirely. He didn't know I was even pregnant. I finally decided to involve him in my daughter's life only to find out that his wife can't have children and this was planned. Either way, I know he can try to go over my head. Do I have a good fight with this?

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:45 AM

That's the problem... I can't afford one. That is why he is doing this. He knows I'm on my own.

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:48 AM

It's almost 9am here and I plan on making some calls to attorneys that offer free consults. Unfortunately I can not afford to hire one. That is the only thing he has against me is that he makes a lot more money than me. He's making me and my new husband take custody evalutions with drug and alcohol testing and random home visits. Now, we have nothing to hide. We don't even leisurely drink. But, we have to pay $660 of the costs and are having trouble coming up with it. He knows this so thinks he can push these things through without me fighting him.

ScottGem · Oct 9, 2009, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by Whitedragon6859

That's the problem..... I can't afford one. That is why he is doing this. He knows I'm on my own.

You can't afford NOT to have one, especially if he has one. It is possible that he can be required to pay your attorney fees if it can be shown that he falsified information.

I do find it odd that he was able to obtain a court order without your presence. Its possible he also falsified service of a summons informing you about the hearing.

When you go into court that's one of the questions I would ask. Your honor, I don't understand how he could have a court hearing without my knowledge. Doesn't that violate my right to due process? If the answer is that you were, allegedly served and didn't show up, then challenge the service.

I would NOT use the argument that this does not benefit your daughter. I don't think that has bearing right now. His argument will be that this is more about him being able to spend time with his child. And that does have a certain benefit.

Have you maintained a journal of all the tricks he has used? And all contact with him? If not, start one right away. Include concrete proof of things. For example how do you know he told the court that you agreed? Why would a court issue an order to provide documents if they were told you gave consent?

See there are so many nuances and little things that a layman is not going to know to ask or object to or what their rights are. That's why you ABSOLUTELY NEED an attorney to represent you. If you are going pro se against an attorney they will rip you apart. If you do not want to lose your daughter get legal representation.

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 06:16 AM

What u don't understand is we literally make enough money to pay my bills, and put food on the table. So, if I don't pay my bills to get a lawyer, he'll use that against me, if I don't buy food, he'll use that too... etc. Easy for someone to tell me I need a lawyer, when they aren't in my situation. Yes, I have a journel of all phone conversations and little observations that have been made since he started coming around.

Whitedragon6859 · Oct 9, 2009, 06:17 AM

The court isn't technically ordering me to do anything. It says that I SHALL give him the documents. Not that I am to give them to him... (This is turning into more of an annoyance then a help)

ScottGem · Oct 9, 2009, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by Whitedragon6859

What u don't understand is we litterally make enough money to pay my bills, and put food on the table. So, if I don't pay my bills to get a lawyer, he'll use that against me, if I don't buy food, he'll use that too..... etc. Easy for someone to tell me I need a lawyer, when they aren't in my situation. Yes, I have a journel of all phone conversations and little observations that have been made since he started coming around.

Yes I DO understand, but you are not listening to me. Think of leaky faucet. A plumber may charge $75 to fix it (I'm just throwing out that amount). You may try to save that money and do-it-yourself. But lets say you make a hash of it and now you have to replace the faucet and the drain pipe. What would have cost you $75 may now be a $300 job.

Well that's the situation with going pro se. Only its worse because law is generally more complicated than plumbing (this is not a put down to plumbers, but plumbing is just generally more straighforward than law). If you go pro se against a lawyer the odds are VERY strong that you will lose. Talk to lawyers, they may offer payment plans that can fit your budget. As I also said, a lawyer may be able to get the father to foot your legal expenses if he is falsifying things, thereby wasting the court's time. You might also try support groups for unwed mothers, they may be able to provide free or low cost legal help.

And isn't the father paying child support? How can he complain if you aren't putting food on the table, if he's not providing support for the child?

Yes it easy easy for me to tell you to get a lawyer, but not because I'm not in your situation. Its because I know what is likely to happen if you don't! You are risking losing your daughter and maybe never seeing her again!

ScottGem · Oct 9, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by Whitedragon6859

The court isn't technically ordering me to do anything. It says that I SHALL give him the documents. Not that I am to give them to him... (This is turning into more of an annoyance then a help)

Excuse me? First, if you don't give us accurate and exact information how can you expect us to give you accurate and exact advice? We can only respond to what you tell us.

Second, if you think we are being annoying by badgering you to protect your interests, then feel free to ignore us. We have been trying to help you and I believe you have been given very good advice and tips to help you. But if you are annoyed by our concern for you, then feel free to stop posting. We will be here to answer any specific question you might have as best as we can.

ScottGem · Oct 9, 2009, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by Whitedragon6859

My 1 year old has my maiden name. I have recently gotten married to the man that raised her from birth. Now, her Bio - father says he wants his last name to be hyphonated with mine. The only reason he can give is that he wants her to have his name when he has her. He only gets her 2 days a week. She doesn't know that her name is different and by the time she is old enough for this he will only be getting her every other weekend and approx 2 weeks in summer as she will be attending school with me, her health insurance is through me.....etc. I have primary physical custody. If she were older and told me that she would like his name then I could see it being beneficial to her but this is just an ego issue on his part. My daughter was born out of wed lock as he was married. When I found out about the marriage, I left the picture entirely. He didn't know I was even pregnant. I finally decided to involve him in my daughter's life only to find out that his wife can't have children and this was planned. Either way, I know he can try to go over my head. Do I have a good fight with this?

First I merged your threads, since this is all part of the same issue and should be dealt with together.

The bio/legal father will have to go to court to have the birth certificate changed, but there is a good chance he can get it done. On the other hand, he can use any name he wants as long as there is no intent to defraud. So there is nothing stopping him from introducing her as Jane Smith or Smith-Doe even though her legal name is Doe. Or he could just say this is my daughter Jane and let people assume her surname is Smith. So this particular fight is, most likely, a losing battle.