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Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 09:12 PM

Another break-up thread! Ugh :( I'm going to give it to you guys in bullet points to make it easier to read.
-was dating high school sweat-heart in college
-she's 19 I'm 21
-we've only been with each other (not sex but everything else is each others firsts)
-she broke up with me two weeks ago, didn't really give specifics, I was devastated
-held off on contacting her, deleted her from Facebook last night (couldn't stop looking at her pics) and she immediately messaged me saying we had to talk

I met up with her last night and she was crying like crazy. Said she still loved me, I'm the only guy she ever wants to be with, I'm worth 15 of any other guy she's ever met. But at the moment she said we need to find what makes 'us' as individuals happy. That we had been living in a bubble hanging out 24/7. She's very young but I was planning on marrying her next summer. I feel alone because I had build my life around this girl. I feel like I'll never find another girl that of her caliber (hard working, doesn't drink, honest, virgin, beautiful). I seriously don't know how to handle this situation. Obviously I'm still in love with her, and what little progress I had made towards gripping the fact that I must move on, was utterly smashed last night. I feel like she is either regretting her decision, telling the truth or trying to string me along. Please help me! :(

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 09:18 PM

Hi, Aviator1886!

What sort of things, good or bad, happened between the two of you in the days or maybe even weeks before the bread-up, please?

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 09:25 PM

Honestly things had been going OK, not perfect but OK :). We never fought throughout our relationship. I guess if anything we had been spending too much time together and maybe communication was slightly lacking. She had been pretty quiet the past few weeks and she said she possibly might be getting depressed.

Wondergirl · Oct 7, 2009, 09:34 PM

She wonders what makes you as individuals happy? Don't each of you make the other happy?

I don't know where she's coming from and what she's trying to say. There may be part of the story that you don't know. When I was her age and the guy I had been dating for six years was your age, my mother told me that she didn't want me to marry him (she couldn't stand his father), and that she wanted me to look around more. So, being the pleaser I was, I did look around and ended up marrying someone else whom she didn't know but whom she approved of because he lived in Chicago and far away from my home town. It was a huge mistake. I should have gone with my heart.

Maybe there's a similar story in your case, that someone is telling her to not settle for the first guy who came along (you)--or maybe she herself, for whatever reason, has decided she needs to look around a little more. I wonder if she would level with you.

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 09:35 PM

Hi again, Aviator1886!

Are either of you in school somewhere? Also, are one or both of you employed?

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 09:42 PM

We both attend the same University. This makes it especially difficult when I see her nearly everyday. I want so badly for there to be a future with her, but thinking of trying to win her back makes it so hard for me.

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She wonders what makes you as individuals happy? Don't each of you make the other happy?

According to her I did make her happy. She used to say the only time she was happy is when she was with me.

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 09:49 PM

Have you asked her about goals that she has once she graduates and have you told her yours?

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Have you asked her about goals that she has once she graduates and have you told her yours?

Thanks!

She wants to go to law school. We never heavily discussed being together/ married but the subject has been lightly touched here and there.

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 10:00 PM

I know that you've dated her for awhile...

But, how long please? Also, do you tell her in-person that you love her and does she do likelwise to you?

Thanks!

Wondergirl · Oct 7, 2009, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by Aviator1886

She wants to go to law school. We never heavily discussed being together/ married but the subject has been lightly touched here and there.

That was the mistake we had made -- not talking enough about the future. We found too much to occupy us with just being together and living for the moment. I wonder if you and she can give yourselves a time limit to "discover yourselves," like two or three months -- or maybe that's unfair to her. Otherwise, I suggest you do No Contact.

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 10:51 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

I know that you've dated her for awhile...

But, how long please? Also, do you tell her in-person that you love her and does she do likelwise to you?

Thanks!

We dated for 8 months in high school split up due to her parents request. We remained great friends/ pretty much didn't break up. Once she graduated a year later we started dating again. This time we had been together for about 14 months. So either you look at it as 3 years or just over 1 year :)

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 10:58 PM

People go through a number of changes in their lives. One of the big ones is after graduating from high school and entering into whatever a person is going to do - get married, work, don't work, go to school, etc.

Sometimes, people do need "space" in order to figure out who they are and what they want to do.

Is there any chance that you can communicate with her in-person in the near future? It does sound you two do have some issues to work out so that there is either closure or a way to possibly continure with each other as a couple. There really is no "black and white" here as far as what to do. But, simply parting ways, without really discussing things isn't the healthiest thing to do.

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

People go through a number of changes in their lives. One of the big ones is after graduating from high school and entering into whatever a person is going to do - get married, work, don't work, go to school, etc.

Sometimes, people do need "space" in order to figure out who they are and what they want to do.

Is there any chance that you can communicate with her in-person in the near future? It does sound you two do have some issues to work out so that there is either closure or a way to possibly continue with each other as a couple. There really is no "black and white" here as far as what to do. But, simply parting ways, without really discussing things isn't the healthiest thing to do.

Thanks!

Thanks Clough, At first I didn't think I needed closure (before I knew she still loved me and wanted to be with me) and now I feel as though my world is shattered and its all hitting me hard. She told me she loved me last night a few times, I never directly said it back but she knows that I do. She didn't just graduate high school. She is now a sophomore at my college. I feel like in a week or so I should call her to see how things are going. Perhaps this is too long or too short? Let her contact me?
One of the biggest reasons I think she contacted me is that I continued to just live life. Posted pictures of a dirt-biking trip on Facebook, picked up flying lessons and continued to put a smile on for anybody around me. In her words last night "i just can't believe how happy you are" While I'm not sure if this will continue to make her want me back or if it's the reason she initially contacted me I think I'm going to keep at it. Though whenever I'm home I just lay in bed thinking of her and all the good times we had. Sometimes I can't hold it together and start crying its terrible!

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 11:20 PM

Hey, I know what it's like to be in love and that wrenching feeling that happens in the gut! It's awful!

She might be sad that you seem to be having so much fun and she's not directly involved in some of your activities.

How about asking her about how she feels about what you're doing with your life and how she feels about her own life? I would start though, with asking her how she feels about hers and try to focus as much as you can on her needs rather than your own.

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 7, 2009, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hey, I know what it's like to be in love and that wrenching feeling that happens in the gut! It's awful!

She might be sad that you seem to be having so much fun and she's not directly involved in some of your activities.

How about asking her about how she feels about what you're doing with your life and how she feels about her own life? I would start though, with asking her how she feels about hers and try to focus as much as you can on her needs rather than your own.

Thanks!

She started some community outreach program. Perhaps next time we meet that could be a possibility. This last time was for her to get some things off her chest.

Clough · Oct 7, 2009, 11:55 PM

Perhaps you could join with her in some of the community outreach programs? Is that a possibility?

Thanks!

Aviator1886 · Oct 8, 2009, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

Perhaps you could join with her in some of the community outreach programs? Is that a possibility?

Thanks!

Since I haven't contacted her really at all and we don't even hang out. I'm thinking that is not a possibility.

Clough · Oct 8, 2009, 07:01 PM

But, it might be a possibility if you do have discourse with her.

We only live once...

Thanks!