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concernednana · Oct 4, 2009, 05:54 AM

HELP!! I want to know if there is any possible way I can get custody of my grandchildren. We live in Indiana and they are 12 and 9. They are both boys and they stay with us a lot. They spend almost every weekend with us and always have. Their parents are a mess. My daughter, after spendind 45 minutes with a doctor has been told she is bi-polar. My son-in-law was raised by an abusive father and is carring forward some of the abuse. I am at a loss, today I find out that they have allowed an 18 year old friend/babysitter to spend the night with her boyfriend in their living room. My oldest grandson is small for his age and he is constantly picked on at school, just this past week he came home with a scratch on his face from where someone was trying to hit his fingers against a table and instead scratched his face. His dad set him up on a "strike" system. He lost 1/2 strike for not hitting back and when he gets to 3 strikes he will get a belt used on him when he gets home. I watched him wrench his hands for hours on Friday evening because he thought he would be in trouble when he got home again. I finally got him to talk through tears and he just can't take the fighting and arguing that they do anymore. What do I do? My youngest grandson is on medication for being over active, but he has times when he just goes off in fits of rage and his brother is usually at the other end of his rage. There is more to this, but I need to know what to do. I took the boys for the weekend but really do not want to give them back.

tickle · Oct 4, 2009, 06:11 AM

I hear you and wish I could help with some positive information. Have looked over Google and there are many websites that say you can get custody but no numbers to call in order to get a starting point.

Phoning Child Services in your area and explaining your issues may be a good start but may also open a hornets nest, and I understand the rules change from state to state. Unfortunately, you wouldn't be telling Child Services anything new and the problems you point out are all too common nowadays.

All I can suggest is the above, you go on Google and read through some of the information. EHow.com has some good information and insight, points out the upside and downside and generally tells you what you can do and not do.

I guess what it boils down to, is Child Services; if the dad is using the strap on that little guy this is the worst kind of child abuse.

Ms tickle

concernednana · Oct 4, 2009, 02:14 PM

I appreciate your assistance. I am beside myself with what to do. He did threaten me yesterday by telling me that if I do try to take them I will never see them again. How do you deal with a human who thinks he is always right, it's his way or the highway. I'm just confused

asking · Oct 4, 2009, 02:21 PM

How is your communication with your daughter? Does she see that this environment is bad for her kids (not to mention bad for her)? If you have her cooperation, I see you being able to have the boys, at least a lot more.

From what you have written, I agree you are justified in wanting to do this. (Not that my opinion matters!) I would consult a family law attorney right away and start making long term plans.

Don't do anything impulsive and I would refrain from bringing this up with the father anymore until you have a clear legal direction. Those weekends with your grandsons are a precious oasis of peace for your grandsons. I wouldn't want them to lose that.

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2009, 02:24 PM

You start by consulting a lawyer. Who will probably tell you to keep a journal to document all the abuse. Once you have enough evidence, you can then go to court.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 4, 2009, 03:11 PM

Well if the parents will not just sign custody over to you, you will have to prove their parents are a danger to the chlidren. Are they going hungry, not given medical treatment when needed, was baby sitter a physcial threat to them.

JudyKayTee · Oct 4, 2009, 08:53 PM

You have to prove the parents are unfit - as has been said. The place to start is with an Attorney. If you call a child welfare agency and they put less than 100% into this it will look like you are a trouble maker and your next complaint may very well be ignored.

Get an Attorney, present all your concerns and proof and go from there.

stinawords · Oct 4, 2009, 10:22 PM

I too say get a good lawyer. Indiana is grandparent friendly and hopefully you live in a county that isn't overwhelmed with other problems besides. I really feel for those kids and would urge you not to push it with the father anymore because they really need those weekends with you. So first thing in the morning start looking for a lawyer in your area. They will help you build a strong case that is court worthy and go to bat with you.