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talaniman · Oct 8, 2009, 07:31 PM

You didn't give her what she wants so she has some one else, but its mean when she decides you won't just be friends like she wants from you. Don't you think that's selfish, to not understand what you need?

Leave her alone any way as what she thinks is no longer important. Trust me the healing time without her will help you, whether she likes it or not.

sadnlostedddd · Oct 8, 2009, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You didn't give her what she wants so she has some one else, but its mean when she decides you wont just be friends like she wants from you. Don't you think thats selfish, to not understand what you need?

Leave her alone any way as what she thinks is no longer important. Trust me the healing time without her will help you, whether she likes it or not.

That is true. Thanks for the tough love fellas, I appreciate it. I'm in college so there are plenty of options around, should I start casually dating now to help get over, or should I just spend some time alone. I'm pretty pissed off at ex for how she did me dirty so I want to get over her but besides NC what's the next step

Imabadman · Oct 8, 2009, 08:19 PM

We're already given you our advice on the next steps.

I wish · Oct 9, 2009, 06:54 AM

Here's a list of things to do after a break up: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

You don't need to rush back into the dating sceen, but I would definitely recommend that you reconnect with old friends and find new friends as well.

sadnlostedddd · Oct 12, 2009, 12:55 PM

Just another question, I had a good weekend, went out, made a few new friends and enjoyed myself, didn't think about my ex too much, and started to realize that I was probably better off without her, last night was the first night probably since the breakup that I didn't dream about her, so I know I'm making progress, but today she sent me a text, I didn't respond and I have no intentions of responding, but when I saw her name pop up on my screen I got kind of sad and started to miss her some, Will I always miss her, being that she was my first love? Or will I get to the point where I can look at her and feel no real emotions towards her, that's my goal.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2009, 01:12 PM

While your feelings at her texts may have surprised you, and stirred up old feelings, this is a pretty normal reaction.

As time goes by, and you replace those old feelings with her, with new ones of other things, it won't be so intense, or surprising, and you will have healed enough to handle those triggers from the past.

None of us truly forgets ever, the first though, but we deal with it better.

Prillmill · Oct 13, 2009, 05:56 AM

Originally Posted by sadnlostedddd

but today she sent me a text, i didnt respond and I have no intentions of responding, but when I saw her name pop up on my screen I got kind of sad and started to miss her some, Will I always miss her, being that she was my first love? Or will I get to the point where I can look at her and feel no real emotions towards her, that's my goal.

One thing that helped me was changing my ex's name in my phone. It currently reads "BiaBia". Immature? Maybe. Does it help me? Yep.

sadnlostedddd · Oct 16, 2009, 01:09 PM

New update: I came home for fall break, and as I stated a few days ago I've been doing pretty well, and I've been working towards moving on and working on myself. But when I got home, I drove past a few places that my ex and I used to visit a lot, and all of a sudden I got this crazy rush of nostalgia. Last night I can probably count at least 5 different dreams that I had of her, and it'd been a while since I had any dreams of her. Am I back to square one? I really want to move on and get her out of my head for good.

Imabadman · Oct 16, 2009, 11:39 PM

One day at a time... that all you can do. Take it minute by minute then day by day, month to month, and BAM POW Batman you just don't give a poo about her any more. Life nor love is easy. Nothing ever worth while is.

Stay strong.

rockie100 · Oct 17, 2009, 12:07 AM

I understand the rush of nastalgia. For a very long time I avoided places that my ex and I had spent time. You see the mind and heart tend to remember good times when triggered. Then you have to make yourself think of the whole ordeal again to snap out of it. It takes time but someday you will be over it. Your not back at square one. To be back there you would have to break NC. So don't do that. Right?

sadnlostedddd · Oct 22, 2009, 11:02 AM

Again, I feel like I'm taking 2 steps forward, and then 3 steps back. My ex's mother called me to see how I was doing and asked me how I was doing about the whole situation. I told her I was still in love but I was trying to move on. My ex sent me an email saying that "I still love you, but I don't think we're meant to be. IDK. I want you to move on." I've taken a pretty big hit to my ego, she told me about how much fun she has been having, she didn't say with her new boyfriend, probably cause she didn't want to make me any more upset, but I know that's what she meant. I'm hoping that this weekend I'll be able to take a few more steps forward, maybe go out again and have fun, but I still feel very sick, its been almost 2 months, almost a month since they started dating, I should be over this by now shouldn't I. I feel like I'm going to be in this rut for a long time.

amicon · Oct 22, 2009, 11:38 AM

You ll be stuck longer in a rut when you take phonecalls from her mom and still haven't blocked her email.
Any contact any news is like taking a step back.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 26, 2009, 02:59 AM

Yes breaking contact and not communicating is essential. It will help you move on. I would suggest going on vacation whenever you have the chance and get out this environment completely, it will do you a lot of good. I have been in a similar situation in the past and I even had my own story posted on this website if you want to read, you are of course most welcome ;)

sadnlostedddd · Nov 1, 2009, 08:15 AM

My ex and I got into a conversation the other day about our relationship, via Facebook chat, at first she was pretty stoic towards me, but I must have said something to hit a nerve because she called me and cried to me telling me she wants to be with me more than anything and that its killing her not being with me, but she wants us to grow first and experience new things, what does that mean. This girl is and a rebound relationship yet she cries to me, like really humiliates herself and makes it very very clear that she wants me back, but says we need to grow, I feel like she's confused as to what she wants now, and I want to tell her that you grow together in a relationship, not while your split up, but I don't want to really bring up any dialogue with her right now

amicon · Nov 1, 2009, 08:40 AM

Her words and tears don't match her actions. If she really wanted to be with you she would.
She s throwing you a line and you could fall into the trap of false hope.
Don't talk to her,you re letting her confuse you.
It s a breakup-you should be good to yourself and recover so you can move on with your life.

sadnlostedddd · Nov 1, 2009, 09:17 AM

You think she's just trying to keep me on standby so that I won't move on but so she can have her fun.

At first when she got into her relationship she told me "I'm trying to move on...you need to move on"

Now she's like "If you really wanted me, you'd be patient, let go, and then you can evaluate the outcome of your patience"

A4Effort · Nov 1, 2009, 09:27 AM

Stop analyzing things. It can drive you crazy. What happened has happened. You will not heal until you start sticking to NC. Its hard and we all mess up. I know I have. Big time. But now I have deleted her Facebook, phone, and any other form of contact. I see her a lot since we have 2 classes together and we work at the same job but I still do not talk to her. When she comes up to me I keep things short and polite.

At first I thought NC would not help me. But once I started following it religiously I started healing. Everyday I took a step towards the positive. I am still taking steps.

You have a wonderful opportunity to work on yourself again. Pick something up that you may have lost when you started dating her again or start a new hobby. Go out and meet new people.

Things will get better but only if you stick to no contact.

amicon · Nov 1, 2009, 09:31 AM

Standby is right-and that's NOT a good place to be.

talaniman · Nov 1, 2009, 09:45 AM

My ex and I got into a conversation the other day about our relationship, via Facebook chat,

That was your first mistake!!

She wants to be with me more than anything and that its killing her not being with me, but she wants us to grow first and experience new things, what does that mean?

She means she is enjoying her self and doesn't want what you want, To be romantic with you. That's what you want.

You think she's just trying to keep me on standby so that I won't move on but so she can have her fun.

Naw, far from it, your in the friend zone

At first when she got into her relationship she told me "I'm trying to move on...you need to move on"

Funny how you didn't listen to that and done as she said. That would have saved you a lot of confusion.

Now she's like "If you really wanted me, you'd be patient, let go, and then you can evaluate the outcome of your patience"

Again, you should have LISTENED to what she said
1- "If you really wanted me, you'd be patient," stop pushing so hard.
2-let go: which means accept the romance is all you, and not here, and its dead either way
3-then you can evaluate the outcome of your patience": then you can see what she was saying and just get over the hurt and confusion, and be free to get a life that you enjoy without her.

Your confusion come when you keep asking her for something she doesn't want to give you, and instead of really crushing your ego, she is trying to be nice. But of course since you aren't listening to her, your confused and hurt.

sadnlostedddd · Nov 1, 2009, 10:07 AM

I agree with most of the stuff she's saying, but if she wanted me to leave her alone, then why would she cry to me, I mean bawl, that does nothing but embarrasses her if she didn't have any feelings for me. And the reason why I'm not listening to her is because she's telling me different things, she says move on, so I don't talk to her for a few weeks, we start talking again,and she says she wants me back in her life, I told her, I want you to be as blunt and honest with me as you can because I want to know the truth, and she told me that she wanted me back.