[MARRIED26]

I'm wondering why my wife lost interest in having sex with me. We do it maybe 1 or 2 times every few months. When I ask her about it she tells me she is tired from working. Other times she has told me things like, "We'll have sex again after you find a job, or after you lose weight." This is about s far as it goes because she doesn't really want to hear about our sex life when I try talking to her about it. It hurts me and I feel depressed not only by the lack of sex in our marriage but also that we can't even sit down together and have a long talk about this. So it doesn't really help when I ask her why she has no interest, or when we will make love again. I thought married couples should talk about everything together; sex life, other issues within the marriage. I guess she doesn't like talking about our sex life, I don't know why. What should I do? Stay married to her and her and I be more like friends than husband and wife? Should I find another woman just for sex? Everyone needs sex, especially men. I can't see going the rest of my life without it.

[Justwantfair]

Should I find another woman just for sex? Everyone needs sex, especially men. I can't see going the rest of my life without it.

I was sympathatic to your situation but the last three lines removed my sympathy. No, it isn't acceptable to find another woman for sex. A need for sex does not justify adultery.

With your situation, maybe talking is no longer in order, there isn't any doubt that talking about the situation isn't helping the situation. What do you do for foreplay? Other than talking, what have you tried to spice up your relationship? How is your relationship outside of the sexual issue? There are a lot of factors that can affect your sex life. We will need more information.

[dkatia]

Go out with her for a special dinner and a slo music talk to her about something pleasant,go to have fun with her on a day off make her happy don't talk about sex keep funny and make her happy slow and we will have a sex with a light on slow music a favorite her song keep make her comfortable . So make you clean and smell good surprise her with a beautiful flower and a good sound kiss.and then your sex life will be good So sex don't work without a pleasant happy and hopefully.

[JudyKayTee]

Go out with her for a special dinner and a slo music talk to her about something pleasant,go to have fun with her on a day off make her happy don't talk about sex keep funny and make her happy slow and we will have a sex with a light on slow music a favorite her song keep make her confortable . So make you clean and smell good suprise her with a beatiful flower and a good sound kiss.and then your sex life will be good So sex don't work without a pleasant happy and hopefully.

His wife doesn't want to have sex with him - I fail to see how a special dinner and slow music and what does having the lights on have to do with anything? I have no idea where you get the info you post.

I have no idea what "... sex don't work without a pleasant happy and hopefully" means.

And I was also sympathetic, right up until the finding another woman for sex and "Everyone needs sex, especially men" part.

SURPRISE! Men don't have this particular market cornered.

[artlady]

Ive said it before and I will say it again,foreplay begins the minute you wake up in the morning.
When you bring her a cup of coffee.
When you help with the dinner dishes.
When you put away the laundry.
When you run her a hot bath.

Try doing those little kindnesses every day for a week ,without looking to get a little but with the express intention of lightening her load and making her happy.

See what happens then.You may be very surprised.

[JudyKayTee]

Out of greenies - but how true. Sweet and touching, also.

[bronzebabe]

I dunno.
It might go much deeper than we actually know.
Her comment that you should "lose weight or get a job" says Volumes!
Maybe she is working because you aren't and she needs help. I know the market is tough, but... I'm just saying. And, she asked you to lose weight. You have to be attracted to someone to actually wanna have sex with them on a regular basis. (Yes, I know, there are those that don't care, sex is sex...)
Listening to your wife might help you. If you don't you're going to be really lonely.

[artlady]

I dunno.
It might go much deeper than we actually know.
Her comment that you should "lose weight or get a job" says Volumes!
Maybe she is working because you aren't and she needs help. I know the market is tough, but... I'm just saying. And, she asked you to lose weight. You have to be attracted to someone to actually wanna have sex with them on a regular basis. (Yes, I know, there are those that don't care, sex is sex...)
Listening to your wife might help you. If you don't you're going to be really lonely.

bronzebabe;
You have a great point about the lose weight comment.
That sounds rather harsh and I would never say that to my man!

[Cat1864]

I don't know if threads on different boards will be merged. This might help shed a bit more light on his issues:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...fe-354605.html

Did you take any of the advice given on the other thread? Most of our advice is going to be along the same lines.

As you can probably tell, we don't condone adultery or getting a "sex buddy" any more than those on the other thread did.

Did your wife go to Poland (again) to take care of her grandmother? If so, what did you do while she was gone? I ask because you sounded desperate in the other thread and from this one it doesn't sound like things have gotten better.

It sounds like you both need to sit down with a third party who can help you (plural) learn to communicate with each other. I don't think anything is going to be resolved until you learn to discuss the problems together.

[artlady]

I don't know if threads on different boards will be merged. This might help shed a bit more light on his issues:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...fe-354605.html

Did you take any of the advice given on the other thread? Most of our advice is going to be along the same lines.

As you can probably tell, we don't condone adultery or getting a "sex buddy" any more than those on the other thread did.

Did your wife go to Poland (again) to take care of her grandmother? If so, what did you do while she was gone? I ask because you sounded desperate in the other thread and from this one it doesn't sound like things have gotten better.

It sounds like you both need to sit down with a third party who can help you (plural) learn to communicate with each other. I don't think anything is going to be resolved until you learn to discuss the problems together.

Out of Greens but.. good job ,I rarely think to look at past posts.I'm starting to .
OH! A different picture emerges! Cool supersleuthing :) Is there such a word ?
My whole attitude has changed! Thanks for the heads up.

[Gemini54]

Hmmm. There is more to this than meets the eye.

You want sex. She is tired from work.
You appear not to work and she says that is a disincentive to her having sex with you.

Sounds to me like you nag her for sex. Did you know that the biggest passion killer for women is being nagged for sex (particularly when they are tired? ). If you don't work and she comes home tired to someone that nags her for sex, it's not surprising that she's switched off!

Perhaps you could start by contributing to the relationship. Did you also know that the frequency of sex increases when men participate in household duties? Yes, if you do housework on a regular basis, perhaps do the shopping and, heaven forbid, cook a meal you might reinvigorate your sexual relationship! Sex starts outside the body and it's not just a physical release.

I suggest that you show your wife you care about her, not just that you want to shag her.

[MARRIED26]

She recently came home from Poland last month. The first week home she told me she wanted sex, then during that week we had sex only once. After this I don't really see what happened that took away her interest. Just yesterday I asked once more about this, she told me that I am uninterested. I said I always wait for her to come to me showing me that she wants sex and then I believe she doesn't want it when we both go to bed at night to sleep instead of for sex, making love. Im trying to do a little more like some things around the house, keeping it clean. Im asking myself if I should just wait a long time until she becomes tired of the lack of sex in our marriage, and then comes to me one night and we do it because she is so hungry for it and wants it after going a long time without it. Maybe this might work? Im afraid to ask her directly if she wants it or not, so I'm guessing the waiting game could help.

[troy70]

Hit the gym bro! Get active! Find something fun and creative to do.

Think of it like this. Let's pretend your single. What would you do as of RIGHT NOW to get back into the dating scene?

Eat better? Work on your wardrobe? Work out? Get involved in events/gatherings to find women?

All those things women like. Shows your outgoing, know how to socialize, and take care of yourself.

Letting yourself go and putting blame on yourself saying your depressed and acting like it won't do anything but lower her libido even more.

WAKE UP. Be a G. And get your act together...

Good luck

[bronzebabe]

Again, I really believe that your wife TOLD you what she wanted. Sex will come WHEN you geta job, and lose some weight. Till then, it's likely she isn't going to be interested in you sexually. She doesn't feel an attraction to you because you aren't doing what she wants and ASKED you to do. Have you listened? I sort of don't see that you have.
I am Definately Not being mean. Your wife said it, and you told us she said it.
Lose weight.
Get a job.
It can save your sex life.

[smoothy]

WHY are you not working? I see it as she see's you playing couch potato making no effort to find a job or do nothing but louge around gaining weight.

Women.. even working women like men with the drive to work... and find new work if they lost a job due to no fault of their own. They do not like guys without motivation or drive. And lack of sex is just one symptom that proves this.

There is more to life than sex and the television.

[thephantom916]

I understand "Maried26". I am actually in the same boat. My wife and I were never "sexual maniacs" or anything, however as of late there has been no activity at all. I ask her why, and she always has a different answer. She is tired, or not feeling well, etc. I don't understand. To make matters worse she will sometimes send me a text while I'm at work saying "I love you, and I want you". Then I get home and nothing. In fact that happened today as a matter of fact. When I got home we were eating dinner and she says "If I fall asleep, just wake me". So after watching T.V with the kids for a while I put them down for bed, and sure enough she's asleep. Now I'm not the type of guy that's going to wake her up and demand that I get some action, so I casually caress her face and kiss her neck, but nothing. So I shut the t.v off and walk her to bed where she casually lays down and... sleeps. I don't know what it is. I don't cheat on her. I'm certain she doesn't cheat on me. I just don't know. I would think that given the amount of cheating that goes on with men a wife would want to keep her man satisfied to prevent such behavior, but know. I guess that's what I get for being a faithful husband. Oh well, there's no shortage of porn on the net, so there's always that route! =)

[Justwantfair]

This thread is over a year dormant.

As far as your situation, there are many days were earlier in the day I am in the mood, by the end of the night, sleep hits high on the priority list. Not because I am disinterested in my partner, but because life can be exhausting.

What are you doing to change the situation? Sexual date night? Dinners out? Trips to the toy store without the children? Cuddling (without an expectation of sex)? Massages? Extra chores around the house?

[Synnen]

Closed.

Please start your own thread to get answers pertinent to your situation. This thread is over a year old, and starting a second question in the middle of the first will just be confusing.

Thank you.