[love33]

My boyfriend and I have been dating 2.5 yrs, living together 1. We have a solid, fun relationship together and I genuinely believe we love each other very much. We come from different family backgrounds (I'm super close to mine, he's not to his) and friend backgrounds (he prefers to be alone, while my friends are as important to me as the air I breathe!). In the beginning, I felt he was open to coming out with me (I am 28, he 31) and a lot of our friends were mutual (how we met). Well, he's slowly started to turn more inward and wants a lot of time to himself, becoming more and more selfish and wanting less and less to do with my family and my friends. He most recently said why would I ever hang out with your family just to hang out? (as in a non-holiday) - and the same about my friends. This is obviously a problem, but I've let him be because I really think he likes to be alone (he's not depressed or anything). Then one night his sister and I went out together and stayed out late talking (at her apt mind you) - he freaked and told me if I'm going to stay out late (and not listen to him) like that - it's going to be without him! Well in turn, I freaked and brought up all the issues I've been hindering. He doesn't understand that I have needs as well, this transcends from me asking him to do things (even with just me and not my family or friends) to even the bedroom (and I've been very vocal about that). We talked marriage prior - but only in a negative way on his end - saying things like - you'll like the ring I get you and what's that going to change anyway? I mean I'm a totally optimistic person and he's making all the things I'm excited about negative, kids as well. When I complain about that - he says he's just teasing. I've made my points and it seems he just doesn't agree, but does say he'll work on some things. We are still living together, but because this fighting has escalated to me telling him I'm going to move out and leave - but still no changes. And icing on the cake - I mentioned my thoughts about leaving him to my family and friends and EVERY SINGLE one (inc family of friends) says he is such a selfish person and never really liked him! He comes home now and either A-doesnt say a word or B-acts like nothing is wrong or looks at me with those I'm so in love with you eyes - why is this happening? PLEASE HELP! I'm so unhappy in this limbo world!

[justcurious55]

Doesn't really sound like such a solid, fun relationship. I'd tell him if he wants alone time, go for it. And he can have all the alone time he wants when you move out. He sounds like a jerk.

[Fr_Chuck]

We bring all sorts of bagage to a relationship, walking away is easy, getting counseling and working on both people and how we interact is the hard part

[talaniman]

The test of any relationship, is how well you resolve your differences through honest communications, and a willingness to work together. It's a process that will work over time.

You may be in limbo now, but I think if your BOTH willing to make adjustments, it will get you through the limbo.

If not you won't be together much longer. Learn to talk without freaking out. When both of you freak out, that never works.

In my house we take turns, and the other one looks crazy at the one who is freaking. Then we give each other some time, and space, to unfreak themselves, and then talk when things have calmed down.

Every couple is different, but you find a way, or split.

[makapuu]

I have lived many many reruns of a similar situation. It doesn't sound like you two are passionate about each other anymore. You have to ask yourself if that is what you want for the rest of your life.