[holyangel17]

My boyfriend watches porn all the time and he is not ashamed of it at all! I mean, I do understand guys do watch porn but I am so agitated that he watches porn at least twice a day and masturbates to it. I mean I love him but I think he has serious addiction to porn. I remember an year ago, he was watching softcore porn but now it's just disguisting, filthy topics which I cannot even state here. I cannot even confront him about what the type of porn he's watching because I went through his stuff and found the hidden ones!! That there shows that he has a problem because he's even hiding it. Before, he would just lay it wherever. I try talking to him about it but he just ignores me and says it's not a big of deal. I feel like porn is so degrading to women in general! Plus I think since he's watching so much of it, he needs more stimulation to get him off. It is so disguisting!! I told him what is the reason for him to watch porn since he has me? He said that he loves me a lot and when we have sex, it is making love not the same as him watching porn which does not make any sense!!

I am sick and tired of this! It really makes me disguisted and furious!! I do not know what to do? I love him so...............much but I think he needs professional help. I threatened to leave him before but he just says, "atleast I'm being honest, I could tell you that I am not watching and do it behind your back. Also, that I'm just controlling and irrational and porn and masturbation is normal!" I even told him I would go with him to a psychologist but he just gets mad and says I am the one who is crazy to see a shrink!

I do not know what to do! Should I really break it off with him because of this? I do love him though a lot!!

[Sylvanta Sybil]

Oh... You're right it is degrading...

I think he needs your help and yes, professional help. If he seems compulsive about it yes he is definitely addicted.

Don't leave him yet, unless he starts to play his porn fantasies on you --- now that might be VERY degrading.

[Gemini54]

It sounds to me as if he is treading a fine line between curiosity and addiction. Just because he admits to watching porn doesn't mean that it's OK. I mean you could admit to murder, but it wouldn't make it any less serious, so the analogy doesn't hold.

Watching porn twice a day, masturbating, and watching hard core topics might just be the curiosity of a young man whose hormones are raging. The important thing here is though that it upsets you and he doesn't care. The real issue here, is that he's not sensitive or listening to your feelings of distress and disgust.

Examine his claims about your own behavior. If you are sincerely not being controlling or irrational then ask yourself - if he's not prepared to listen to your concerns about this, what else might he ignore or dismiss in the future?

[redhed35]

I just wondering how does he find the time?

And also does he expect the postman to arrive in chaps and a bare bottom.

This sounds like it has come to a point in the relationship where he is obsessing about porn,and your obsessing about him watching porn...

A little porn is OK,its when it starts to interfer with your real life and your real relationships,love him or not,has this reached the point where you just can't take it anymore,and if so,is loving him worth the damage its doing to your emotional and mental wellbeing..

[smoothy]

Listen... what is it with Porn that women get so insecure about?

I'm nearly 48, I've been looking at porn since I was old enough to get a stiffy. My brain works perfectly fine and I have no urge to molest children, farm animals or rape women.

Why is it even though its been mentioned hundreds if not thousands on times on just THIS forum alone... guys are visual... we like naked women. Its no different for a guy to look at porn than it is for a woman to watch soap operas or read romance novels.

Now however most guys would rather play hide the sausage with their wife or girlfriend than polish the candlestick. Perhaps your nagging about something guys do is causing this issue. I know as a guy there is nothing that will put me off to having sex with a particular woman faster than her nagging me about something.

[Cat1864]

Men aren't the only ones who view "porn". Women do too. However, it is usually termed erotica or romance novels. Fantasy is used by nearly everyone in one way or another.

Other than your dislike and the upset that it is a part of, are his activities causing problems in other areas of his life?

How have you tried discussing your concerns with him? Have you tried to listen to his side as well as have him listen to your points? Have you just said that you don't like it and told him not to do it? Have you tried to work together to find what works for both of you?

A discussion takes two people taking turns and listening to the other person. They work together to fix the problems that do take time especially if habits are involved.

A lecture is when one person does all the talking and the other person either listens or tunes the lecturer out. Usually, the lecturer sets the rules and pays no attention to the thoughts and feelings of the other person. Bosses, teachers, and parents are good examples of lecturers.

If you can't communicate, work together, or compromise, then it may be time to decide if you really want the relationship to survive. Love is rarely a firm enough foundation to hold up everything else.

[Synnen]

Holyangel---how old are you?

[holyangel17]

Holyangel---how old are you?

I am 22! I just realized how we to directly respond to someone in a thread... lol! :D

Listen.....what is it with Porn that women get so insecure about?

I'm nearly 48, I've been looking at porn since i was old enough to get a stiffy. My brain works perfectly fine and I have no urge to molest children, farm animals or rape women.

Why is it even though its been mentioned hundreds if not thousands on times on just THIS forum alone....guys are visual...we like naked women. Its no different for a guy to look at porn than it is for a woman to watch soap operas or read romance novels.

Now however most guys would rather play hide the sausage with their wife or girlfriend than polish the candlestick. Perhaps your nagging about something guys do is causing this issue. I know as a guy there is nothing that will put me off to having sex with a particular woman than her nagging me about something.

You stated you watched porn since you were really young? Persoanlly, does your view on women changed? Do you have problems maintaing a relationship? Does porn still stimulate you or do you have to tune it up hardcore for stimulation? Sorry, I just want to know if something is really wrong with my boyfriend or porn in general causes that?

I do not like porn and believes it is degrading and immoral but that's just my beliefs! I respect him to view porn once in a while as long as it is not the hardcore stuff! It's just that he used to not hide it from me. I think he is ashamed of what he is doing now because, the ones that I found literally made me sick! Let's just say that the topics of the porn films dealt with treating women worse than cockroaches! I just do not understand why he turned his views to this? I am afraid for him; I do not want him to turn into a psychotic! Maybe, I am over-reacting but what if I was not and am just closing my eyes to the actual problem??

i just wondering how does he find the time?

and also does he expect the postman to arrive in chaps and a bare bottom.

this sounds like it has come to a point in the relationship where he is obsessing about porn,and your obsessing about him watching porn...

a little porn is ok,its when it starts to interfer with your real life and your real relationships,love him or not,has this reached the point where you just can't take it anymore,and if so,is loving him worth the damage its doing to your emotional and mental wellbeing..

Well, he is a computer engineer and works for a reputable company called "Excel." From the outside, it does not lnook like it is not affecting his relations to anything! He is really good to me and treats me like a queen! He never disrespected me or degraded me.

It's just that recently, I was snooping around his house and found hardcore porn which just shocked me!! (I have key to his place and he was not there; I know it is wrong to do that but I just want to know where he hides the porn at since, he used to just lay it around).

Before, I did yell at him and got frusturated rather than listening. However, recently, I do try co communicate and listen to him rather than lecture but there is no use! I did not tell him that I found what kind of porn he's watching becaue I am sure he will be furious with me for snooping around!

[smoothy]

You stated you watched porn since you were really young? Persoanlly, does your view on women changed? Do you have problems maintaing a relationship? Does porn still stimulate you or do you have to tune it up hardcore for stimulation? Sorry, I just want to know if something is really wrong with my boyfriend or porn in general causes that?

I do not like porn and believes it is degrading and immoral but that's just my beliefs! I respect him to view porn once in a while as long as it is not the hardcore stuff! It's just that he used to not hide it from me. I think he is ashamed of what he is doing now because, the ones that I found literally made me sick! Let's just say that the topics of the porn films dealt with treating women worse than cockroaches! I just do not understand why he turned his views to this? I am afraid for him; I do not want him to turn into a psychotic! Maybe, I am over-reacting but what if I was not and am just closing my eyes to the actual problem????

I have zero problems maintaining a relationship and I am, as well as believe in being respectful to the opposite sex. I am also 18 years into a marriage (the only marriage we have had).

Porn is no different that what Hollywood puts out... and just as real, as in none of it is. And something many women as well as some guys will find surprising... there are no tiny number of women that actually like that. As in rough sex... S&M, bondage , etc... thats not my thing however, never was, and I've personally known women that liked that sort of thing... and we have members here that do.

Point is as the old saying goes... "Different strokes for different folks...."

What me and my wife do together might put off some of the less open minded people, and might be tame compared to what oithers do... but the point is... what is wrong if he looks at something you yourself may not want to do. For example I see a problem with him handcuffing you to the bed if you don't want him to. But not if he watchs a movie about it.

How would YOU feel for example if he wanted to dictate what you will wear, what you will watch on TV, listen to on the radio, or read? Topic doesn't matter...

[excon]

Will watching porn over long period of time makes you mental?

Hello h:

Nope.

excon

[JudyKayTee]

I find your use of the word "mental" to be degrading and inflammatory - I would feel the same way if you used any other word to describe bias against any religious/racial or other group.

This has no place on AMHD. (And, I repeat, what is this - Saturday Night Live?)

It is particularly disturbing to me when you are on another thread giving your view on personality problems and/or mental illness and are on this thread asking is some is "mental."
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...-400603-5.html

[holyangel17]

Seriosuly "JudyKayTee", you are just attacking me for no reason. I was not aiming at any particular person! I am only stating regarding my issue not against anyone else. I am from a different relious background and ethnicity so, I would be a hypocrite to do so. If calling the issue towards my boyfriend mental, then that's my problem not a generalized statement about everyone!!

[Synnen]

Want advice?

Dump your boyfriend. YOU can't decide HIS morality--and porn is okay with him. It's NOT okay with you.

All that's going to happen if you don't break up is that you'll spend a few years debating it and trying to get each other to change and then hurting each other becase you each consider the other "defective".

[smoothy]

Which religion is virulantly anti-porn but pro-living in sin together unmarried, sleeping with each other? Just curious.

[holyangel17]

Which religion is virulantly anti-porn but pro-living in sin together unmarried, sleeping with each other? Just curious.

Lol... ha, ha. I am Hindu and my religion celebrates Sex "Kamasutra" but the culture itself views pre-marital sex as a taboo! However, I've been in US since I was 7 so, it is about time to adapt :)

Again, it is not my virtue about watching porn but the context of porn that my boyfriend watches!
However, my personal values not based on my religion tells me porn is wrong.

[smoothy]

Yeah... the Kamasutra, That has been around a lot longer than many countries have. That was considered porn back in its time.

[JudyKayTee]

Seriosuly "JudyKayTee", you are just attacking me for no reason. I was not aiming at any particular person! I am only stating regarding my issue not against anyone else. I am from a different relious background and ethnicity so, I would be a hypocrite to do so. If calling the issue towards my boyfriend mental, then that's my problem not a generalized statement about everyone!!!

I have no idea what religious background and ethnicity finds it excusable to use the term "mental" to refer to someone who is mentally ill. I know a lot of strangeness occurs in the name of religion - but really!

You aren't calling the issue "towards your boyfriend" mental. Read what you wrote. You are using the word "mental" in a derogatory, disparaging way, referring to mental illness.

Seriously.

Your religion also is offended by watching porn but not offended by sex outside of marriage?

Hmm - this is called "selective religion" - pick out the parts that you like, that suit you, and throw away the rest!

I find nothing "ha/ha" or "laughing out loud" about what you have posted.

[holyangel17]

I have no idea what religious background and ethnicity finds it excusable to use the term "mental" to refer to someone who is mentally ill. I know a lot of strangeness occurs in the name of religion - but really!

You aren't calling the issue "towards your boyfriend" mental. Read what you wrote. You are using the word "mental" in a derogatory, disparaging way, referring to mental illness.

Seriously.

Your religion also is offended by watching porn but not offended by sex outside of marriage?

Hmm - this is called "selective religion" - pick out the parts that you like, that suit you, and throw away the rest!

I find nothing "ha/ha" or "laughing out loud" about what you have posted.

OMG! Of course, I am not using my religion or my ethnicity to promote using the word, mental!! You stated in your previous mail, "I find your use of the word "mental" to be degrading and inflammatory - I would feel the same way if you used any other word to describe bias against any religious/racial or other group" To that I am saying, I am from a different religious/racial group, there is no correlation between me using mental and religion/ethnicity. YOU ARE THE ONE SAID THAT ABSURD THING!! PLEASE STOP TWISTING MY WORDS AROUND!!

"Your religion also is offended by watching porn but not offended by sex outside of marriage?" Where did I say that???? Did I ever say my religion is opposite of having sex outside marriage???? I said, my religion celebrates sex, it is a beautiful thing. I never said, my religion forbids premarital sex or porn!!! I said my culture has a taboo against it! CULTURE NOT RELIGION!! Different things!! Then I stated even though my CULTURE puts a taboo on it, I make decisions based on what I think is right. It is not because of culture or religion, it is my persoanl opinion that porn is bad! Do I not have the right to believe that? It is my belief and I am not forcing it on anyone besides my boyfriend, someone who I love and care for!!

I do not know what your problem is but please stop twisting my words around and make it look like I am a hypocrite!

[J_9]

This thread has gone way too far. It is now closed due to the argumentative nature.