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JudyKayTee · Sep 29, 2009, 10:59 AM

This is a hot topic among my friends.

Woman is widowed; has a gorgeous engagement ring, beautiful and large stone from that marriage.

Meets someone. He asks her to marry him. She says yes.

Is it appropriate to use the "original" ring? Reset the stone (although the setting is also quite lovely)? Sell the ring? It's not like she'll ever wear it again.

Or is the whole idea tacky?

And, no, no plans - I'm just asking.

For the record - I see no problem. It's a ring with meaning to her, now it will have double meaning. Prospective husband isn't so sure...

ebaines · Sep 29, 2009, 11:22 AM

My suggestion: she gives the old ring to one of her children, and wears the new ring that the new guy buys.

JudyKayTee · Sep 29, 2009, 01:20 PM

No children.

jmjoseph · Sep 29, 2009, 01:37 PM

Judy,

The original ring has dual meaning to her, yes. But what about the new husband? He will always see the ring on her finger, the ring that her first husband bought, and think of the dead guy.

If he is going to be her husband , to have and to hold, he should have the opportunity to buy her a nice, new, ring that symbolizes their new beginning together.

I don't think her keeping the old ring would be a problem, as it represents her first marriage. It would be selfish of him to ask her to get rid of it.

When Paul McCartney remarried, Heather Whatshername told him to never even mention Linda's name again. Linda was with him for such a long time, and was his soulmate, how dare her to make such a demand?

But a "leftover" ring?

Would she keep the first husband's picture on the nightstand of their honeymoon bed?

No, I don't think I'd like it too much myself.

JudyKayTee · Sep 29, 2009, 01:59 PM

Hmm - okay. I appreciate the thought. How about a new setting?

Honestly, she won't wear the ring once she has a wedding band.

Honestly. But I do see your point.

Anyone else?

Wondergirl · Sep 29, 2009, 02:18 PM

Does she have to have an engagement ring at all?

I vote no to recycling her ring for the engagement with the new guy.

J_9 · Sep 29, 2009, 02:21 PM

I guess I see it differently. You see, after my father passed away I was given his wedding band as a graduation present. My mother asked my husband first if he would mind if I wore the band with my own wedding diamond, so she got approval first.

I know this is a father/daughter situation and not a second marriage, but it is celebrating love in her life. She was a widow, not by choice, and not divorced.

We are lucky to get one true love in life, but to be able to have 2 soulmates is priceless and should be celebrated. I don't see a problem with a new setting.

artlady · Sep 29, 2009, 02:27 PM

If the prospective husband is on board I say keep the ring as is in the original setting and respect it for what it is ,a testament of love.

It in no way undermines the new hubby and the new love,if anything it is a celebration of love and respect for marriage.

If she were not widowed I would think differently.

this8384 · Sep 29, 2009, 02:27 PM

Here's an idea: maybe wear the "old" ring on a necklace and the "new" ring on the ring finger? She could try that; it allows her to keep both rings. It symbolizes her new marriage without "forgetting" her prior one.

JudyKayTee · Sep 29, 2009, 02:32 PM

What if there is no new ring, just the old ring?

J_9 · Sep 29, 2009, 02:34 PM

If there is no new ring then what is the question? She wants to wear a ring as a symbol of marriage right? So, it's a new ring or the old one.

JudyKayTee · Sep 29, 2009, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

If the prospective husband is on board I say keep the ring as is in the original setting and respect it for what it is ,a testament of love.

It in no way undermines the new hubby and the new love,if anything it is a celebration of love and respect for marriage.

If she were not widowed I would think differently.

I see this as "life goes on. That was then and this is now." Love just takes different shapes, different forms, in different time.

But then I'm a hopeless romantic.

With full credit to Billy Vera:

I'm a believer
But much more than anything
I believe in you
You're not a deciever
And if you told me the ocean went dry
I'd believe it was true

So call me a hopeless romantic
'Cause I can still believe
I can still believe in true love
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
These days

I'm a believer
But much more than anything
I believe in you
You're not a deciever
And if you told me the ocean went dry
I'd believe it was true

So call me a hopeless romantic
'Cause I can still believe
I can still believe in true love
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
These days
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
To make true love last
To make true love last
These days

artlady · Sep 29, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I see this as "life goes on. That was then and this is now." Love just takes different shapes, different forms, in different time.

But then I'm a hopeless romantic.

With full credit to Billy Vera:

I'm a believer
But much more than anything
I believe in you
You're not a deciever
And if you told me the ocean went dry
I'd believe it was true

So call me a hopeless romantic
'Cause I can still believe
I can still believe in true love
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
These days

I'm a believer
But much more than anything
I believe in you
You're not a deciever
And if you told me the ocean went dry
I'd believe it was true

So call me a hopeless romantic
'Cause I can still believe
I can still believe in true love
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
These days
And hopeless romantics
Still can find a way
To make true love last
To make true love last
To make true love last
These days

Everyone has to believe in something,it may as well be romance :) Love the lyrics by the way!
I'm pretty old school when it comes to romance as well.Thankfully so is my guy :D

J_9 · Sep 29, 2009, 02:39 PM

I, too, am a hopeless romantic. That's why I say that she is lucky to have found not one, but two loves in her life. The ring is just a physical symbol of her fortune.

this8384 · Sep 29, 2009, 02:45 PM

She could also wear the "old" ring on her right hand, rather than on the wedding ring finger.

Just an idea :)

Catsmine · Sep 29, 2009, 04:04 PM

Etiquette calls for a new ring. Her feelings, however, are the trump, providing the new fiance` does not see it as a deal breaker.

jmjoseph · Sep 29, 2009, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

What if there is no new ring, just the old ring?

If there's no new ring? That sure sounds cheap. No new ring, no new guy.

I wouldn't have a problem with her wearing the old ring from time to time.

I wouldn't have problem with her keeping the first husband's ashes on the mantle. No, scratch that, maybe on a shelf... in the guest room.

I just think, even though it's just an engagement ring, and she won't be wearing it all the time, I would want to give her a new ring . To pass on to their kids, if they have any.

I think if I married a widow, it would hurt my feelings that she even asked.