[smileup]

10 years ago I was roommates with two guys, Andrew & Justin. We didn’t know each other at the time, but we each rented a room in a large house. The 3 of us became best friends before long. We were each about the same age early 20s. In the beginning we were all single. It became a very caring relationship in which I loved them like the brothers I never had and they referred to me as their sister. We hung out sometimes but not a lot. We all had our own schedules with work, gym schedule, friends, etc. They showed me so much respect I could not have asked for better roommates. The 3 of us lived together for 5 years. Justin was the first to get into a serious relationship and before long he was engaged & moved in with his girlfriend. Another guy took Justin’s room but Andrew & I didn’t like him so we decided to move into a 2 room apartment. Before long Andrew started dating a girl. He was the bigger player out of the 2 guys so when he started to be exclusive with her and even invited her over I knew she was the one. The second I met her, I knew she didn’t like me. She took one look at me and just gave me the once over. The conversation between the 2 of us lasted all of about 1 minute. The next thing I know Andrew isn’t home most of the time. He starts spending a lot of time at her place. He then moves in with her so I end up moving into a one bedroom apt. Andrew out of the blue invites me out to lunch with them. He wants this girl to give me a chance since he and I are best friends. I was more than happy to go and I was thrilled to prove to her that I’m a nice person. She immediately starts with apologies about her attitude when she first saw me. She was hoping I was going to be fat & ugly (Yup she actually said that). Then she proceeds to tell me that as soon as she saw me that she was convinced that something had to be going on between us because how could there not be. I guess I should mention that I’m a swim suit model on the side to make extra money and go to law school part-time while I work.

After awhile she couldn’t help but like me. We actually got along really great. However every time she would start drinking she would jokingly say that she still believes that Andrew and I were more than just friends and that I’m lucky she allows us to be friends.

We rarely got together but Andrew & I made a point to email each other to just say Hi. I was dating a guy so the four of us went out one night and Andrew’s girlfriend got really drunk. She started to say to me that I looked really hot and if I dressed like that for Andrew. Andrew was shocked at how she was talking to me. She looked at Andrew and just started in on him about how she knows we had gotten together and that he secretly wants me….. The guy I was with couldn’t believe it considering all my attention was on him and he thought we should call it a night since Andrew’s girlfriend was getting rather drunk and obnoxious. I tried telling her over and over how awesome she looked (especially after her breast augmentation) and that she had nothing to worry about. She continued with her tirade and Andrew was so embarrassed he told us we should just leave. I called Andrew at work the next day to make sure everything was o.k. and I was surprised to hear that she gets like that a lot. Why would he put up with that?? Anyway…

Then, after several months Andrew calls me out of the blue to tell me he’s engaged. I didn’t entirely understand why he would want to marry her after the way I saw she treated him but nonetheless, I went right out and bought him and his fiancé a huge basket with champagne, glasses, flowers, bubble bath…the works. My boyfriend and I went over to their place to give it to them. The next day Andrew calls me and tells me that his fiancé does not want him to be friends with me anymore and that he had to cut all ties with me. Also to tell me I would not be invited to the wedding. He sincerely sounded at a loss and kept saying I’m so sorry but I love her and I don’t know what to do except hope that after we get married she will change her mind.

I’m so sad & hurt over this. Andrew is seriously like my brother. I called Justin and he was floored. The girl he had moved out with he married, and we still hung out. She was disappointed and couldn’t believe she was that insecure.

It’s been several months now and I miss talking to him. I’ve had problems with my boyfriend and Andrew used to always be there for me and give me great advice. I miss that. I called him at work today (I know I shouldn’t have) and asked him how he was and he was so happy to hear from me but….he said we cannot keep in contact and that his fiancé would seriously leave him. I told him I completely respect that and if that’s the case, then he is right, he needs to support his fiancé and stand by her side, regardless. Then he said “Why don’t you call her see if you can change her mind?” o.k. I wasn’t expecting that. Is it even worth it? Should I even bother? Will she always feel insecure about me? Andrew & I have both reassured her over and over that NOTHING ever happened between us when we were roommates. Can anyone give me some insight on this? In my opinion she will never change how she feels about me. The insecurity factor will always be there. I told Andrew that it probably wasn’t a good idea and that I’ll just get updates about him and his life from Justin. He said to give it a couple of months and if I change my mind to call her. Any opinions?

[JudyKayTee]

Without knowing why she's insecure, it's hard to say. Maybe she thinks you had a relationship. Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe she dislikes all women.

I would leave it alone - he obviously isn't going to take a stand here and I see you batting your head against a brick wall.

He has made his choice between her and you, sadly.

[dincher]

Lets face it, whether she's insecure or not, (which I believe she is), a second woman doesn't belong in a marriage.

Although I do not believe that you and your friend had a relationship and you both don't intend on having one, the reality is that you cannot trust your heart. I really wouldn't feel comfortable having my husband hang out with a single woman. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Leave them alone. It hurts, I know, but it's time to look for new friends. You mentioned you're in law school? Aren't there people there you can hang out with?

[smileup]

Lets face it, whether she's insecure or not, (which I believe she is), a second woman doesnt' belong in a marriage.

Although I do not believe that you and your friend had a relationship and you both dont' intend on having one, the reality is that you cannot trust your heart. I really wouldn't feel comfortable having my husband hang out with a single woman. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Leave them alone. It hurts, I know, but it's time to look for new friends. You mentioned you're in law school?? Aren't there people there you can hang out with?

****
Thank you for taking the time to respond. When I spoke with Justin last week he asked me to call his fiancé but I knew it was time to let go of our friendship. I've since talked to our other roommate Justin, and he said Andrew called him over the weekend. Turns out his finace' has forced him to lose contact with all his women friends, even the married ones!! Again thanks for the time you took to respond. Peace & Blessings!