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HotPotato2009 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:04 AM

Yes I do call him throughout the day.

No I don't get mad when he works and I'm off

rankrank55 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:06 AM

Do you trust him?

HotPotato2009 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:11 AM

Yes I do trust him to a certain point

J_9 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:13 AM

To a certain point? Can you elaborate?

adam_89 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:14 AM

Yes, Trust is a thing in question here. If you are getting mad because you think he is doing something behind your back then maybe you two should have a talk. Well, as long as you keep in touch throughout the day it should make it easier.

So you said you don't get mad when he works and you are off. Does this mean you enjoy your free time and your space away from him from time to time?

rankrank55 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:16 AM

Trust is key. If you fully trusted him then you wouldn't feel so threatened when you are at work and he's at home. Did he do anything that gives you reason not to fully trust?

I wish · Oct 14, 2009, 06:18 AM

Another merged thread

Based on your entire story, this has been a trust issue from the beginning and not only a different-working-hours issue.

NO trust = NO relationship

HotPotato2009 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:26 AM

Yes it is a trust issue and yes he has done something to make me feel this way. A few months ago he was at his co workers house (a female) tryna learn how to work his myspace page and when I called him he woudnlt answer. Then he tried to lie about it when he got home.

That's the kind of stuff I think about when he's home and I'm not. Like is he going to do it again? Ya know what I mean?

I trust him but when it comes to other girls that's when I get suspicious of him. And that's because of what he did. I try to get over that but its not easy. Cause I never experienced that before.

rankrank55 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:33 AM

I understand how you feel. There are a couple things you can do. You can either talk it out and try to regain trust OR you end it, move on, and find a person who you can leave behind at home and not feel paranoid. BUT if you do decided to work on this relationship you really have to TRY. Only you can let yourself trust... not him.

adam_89 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:35 AM

Sometimes things like that will make you feel insecure but you have to try and look past it. I was cheated on a couple of times in the past and with the girls after that I always had trust issues for awhile. So many relationships after I finally got over it. You have to learn to trust and not be over obsessed with it and think what he is doing is something so simple instead of so complex.

I feel you on the friends thing. I don't have anything to do when I get off work because I lost a lot of friends after high school and my best friend works nights so I don't have anybody to hang with so I sit at home by myself. When I am at work she usually has a couple free hours to do something like go grab a bite to eat with some friends or something until she has to go to work or class. So I am in the same situation as well. You just have to keep your mind off it. I spend my day on here at work. Maybe you should too.

HotPotato2009 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:43 AM

We've talked about it before. And he said he understands where I was coming from. I don't want to have to keep talking about it with him cause that will just start an argument (something I want to avoid).

What's the best way to keep my mind off it though??

Once I think I'm fine. I go right back to thinking about it. I do try but its not an easy thing

adam_89 · Oct 14, 2009, 06:57 AM

It may not be easy at first but it will come easier eventually. Try helping around here on AMHD and not talking about it because that just makes it worse.

HotPotato2009 · Oct 14, 2009, 07:27 AM

Thanks Adam! I appreciate your kind words

adam_89 · Oct 14, 2009, 07:49 AM

Anytime you need anything just know we are here to help.

HotPotato2009 · Oct 21, 2009, 06:06 AM

Hello Room!

There is just something that I need to vent and get off my chest because I don't want to have a bad day because of this.

Ok... I have to be at work at 8:00am. I live in walking distance from my job. Im not a morning person and hate waking up, but I do wake up at a reasonable time to get to work. Sometimes I get to work at exactly 8am and other times I get there 5 minutes later (8:05) which isn't bad really. I only overslept 4 times since I been at my job. And I've been working here for 1 1/2

My boyfriend says to me this morning that I need to start waking up early to get to work on time.. then gets on my case about it saying that I don't care and whatnot. Which isn't true. But duh I think I know what time I get to work everyday. I don't need someone else telling me that. I know I should wake up earlier but that something I have to do. It has nothing to do with him.

I don't even know why he cares anyway. He always seems to care about the "bad" stuff but never the good stuff that I do. It pisses me off. So now I'm having a jacked up morning at work.. ALL because of him! I don't even want to talk to him now.

What do you guys think?

kctiger · Oct 21, 2009, 06:12 AM

I think you have a talent for getting angry at things that really don't merit energy. He cares because I would care to. I cannot stand people who are constantly either late or get to work right on time. Applying a little more effort goes a long way. Perhaps he is just ensuring you are in good standings with your boss. You two are living together and splitting the bills, far as I'm concerned, your job is his business, just as his job situation is.

By the way, and I'm not trying to act like a jerk, does your boyfriend do anything that you actually like or that makes you happy?

adam_89 · Oct 21, 2009, 06:16 AM

I remember posts from you before and it usually has to do with you being mad at your boyfriend or you being jealous of him. I think he is just trying to help you out. I really don't know his tone of voice when any of this was said so I don't know. If you don't want him to be involved in your life or any of your chioces tell him to leave you alone and see where that gets you. I am pretty sure where it would get you and I think you know too so it seems you want it that way, so why don't you do it?

Scleros · Oct 21, 2009, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by HotPotato2009

Sometimes I get to work at exactly 8am and other times I get there 5 mins later (8:05) which isnt bad really.

Isn't really bad? I doubt your opinion counts for much with your employer. Most of the companies I've been associated with would show you the door for repeated tardiness.

Originally Posted by HotPotato2009

I dont even know why he cares anyways. ...What do you guys think?

I think that if the two of you are living together and you contribute to the household's finances, he has a legitimate and valid interest in your ongoing employment status.

HotPotato2009 · Oct 21, 2009, 06:21 AM

My job is fine with a few minutes late. Its just 5 minutes. My boss doesn't even come in on time for that matter and he starts at 8:30. He doesn't get to work until 8:40.

If I were to say something to my boyfriend about him being late he would get a attitude with me telling me to mind my business. That's how he is.

I don't need somebody telling me what I already know. That is what upsets me

adam_89 · Oct 21, 2009, 06:25 AM

Well tell him to mind his own business then.

As far as being late and following what your boss does isn't a great idea. He is the boss and can do what he wants. Where I work we start the day at 6 in the morning. He gets here at 8 or 9. We end the day at 5. He leaves around 3. We would like to do that and still get paid but unfortunately we can't. If he checks your time and sees repetitive tardiness that might upset him. Does your company have a grace period? I know I have a 5 inute grace period so if I clock in 3 minutes late it can't be held against me.