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Jayjay027 · Sep 21, 2009, 02:57 PM

I have been best friends with the same girl for 11 years. We're both 23.
Over the years she has been both the greatest and worst friend I could possibly imagine. When we were 16, she told my boyfriend that I wasn't girlfriend material and convinced him to break up with me, then she dated him.
A few years later she started dating a horrible guy, and stood holding his hand while he started a huge row with me and called me everything. Then she didn't speak to me for months because he told her not to.
I forgave her all of those things, but I think I've come to the end of my tether.
My grandfather passed away after a long, difficult struggle with his health. She didn't come anywhere near me when he died, she didn't send a sympathy card or anything. 2 days after I told her about it, she sent a text saying she was sorry to hear it. It was such a difficult time for me, and she never came near me.
A few weeks later, I got engaged, and asked her to be my bridesmaid. That was in June, and I've seen her once since, the day after I got engaged. And the only reason we met up was because I told her I had some important news and needed to see her.

Last week I told her that she hasn't been a very good friend to me, and that she wasn't there for me when I needed her, and she has time for everyone else but me. And it started a huge row. Now we're not on speaking terms at all. And a mutual friend of ours as totally taken her side and keeps telling me Im wrong for doing what I did.

I didn't know how else to deal with it, I think I had to tell her how I felt. And now I don't know what to do about the whole situation.
Any suggestions?

Cat1864 · Sep 21, 2009, 03:23 PM

From what you have written, she hasn't been your friend for a long time.

I would bet the other friend sticking up for her is one that she has been there for.

It sounds like time to accept that you have different lives and though she may still a friend she isn't a best or close friend.

Look at who you share things with now. You may find that you have a newer best friend and just didn't notice the change because of holding on to the past relationship.

Jordana27 · Nov 3, 2009, 07:36 PM

I had a friend just like her. I had to finally cut ties with her. It was hard we were like sisters, but it was the right thing to do. Your friend is abuseing you verbal and emotionaly. You need to cut ties. I know its hard but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. I was friends with mine for 19 years Iam 27 and she is 26. So pretty much our whole lives we had been friends. If she is actting like this and has been for a major part of the friendship you got to cut the ties. Good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 3, 2009, 08:03 PM

If this was a friend, I would hate to see your enemy or people that "don't like " you.

You need to seriously consider what a friend is and make new ones

Jayjay027 · Nov 4, 2009, 12:42 PM

Thanks for the advice.
I told her how I feel and told her I want nothing more to do with her.
So now Im concentrating on the people who show they care about me.

Was difficult, but I needed to do it for me.

Cat1864 · Nov 4, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Jayjay027

Thanks for the advice.
I told her how I feel and told her I want nothing more to do with her.
So now Im concentrating on the people who show they care about me.

Was difficult, but I needed to do it for me.

I am glad that you are learning to be a stronger person and building stronger friendships with people who do care about you.

s_cianci · Nov 4, 2009, 05:07 PM

My suggestion to you is to find a new best friend.

dontknownuthin · Nov 7, 2009, 12:26 PM

I think she used to be a friend but it's been a long time - the fact you are moving on and were honest with her speaks well of you. To continue to manage it properly though, let it go - don't discuss her with other people other than to say, "I wish her well but our friendship ran it's course". It will show a lot of class to show restraint and not speak ill of her even though she's not treated you very well in the past.

Jayjay027 · Nov 7, 2009, 12:36 PM

Yea thanks.
I haven't said anything bad about her at all, people still ask me about her but I really don't have anything bad to say about her, she just wasn't a good friend so I moved on - that's all.

I'll definitely keep your advice in mind though, thanks.

araina · Nov 10, 2009, 01:58 PM

Hey am happy for u..
Some people are a little different.
When they find the one they want they don think about frnz or parents or anyone.. they bothered about the guy and as long as they are with them they don give a..

Trust me the time she breaks up with her boyfriend she ll crying to u..

U ll get better frnz... life is too long.. u sound lik a nice person..
Move on.. there are better things waiting for u

tsikigirl · Nov 10, 2009, 02:04 PM

You seem like a person who truly appreciates the bond created when you make a friend. That is an admirable quality that more people should have. But the reality is that you are a rare gem and your friend is not. Let her go and deal with her own larceny, you stay true and the right people will want to be your friend because of you and only you. Those are the ones to keep around. No one, and I mean NO ONE has the right to be mean to you and you are the only one who can control it. :)