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inks1231 · Sep 18, 2009, 11:57 AM

About 3 months ago, my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me because she said that her feelings for me weren't the same anymore because we were arguing a lot. The first half of the relationship everything was great, but after her trip to Mexico she was a different person, she would get mad about little things, she would check my phone and emails when I wasn't looking,she was cold and distant, and I was always the one who had to apologize for everything. Also I think that I became too available for her. Anyway Since the breakup we tried to stay friends but she still acted as if she was my girlfriend in may occasions. We talked on the phone everyday, went to the movies, even made out a couple of times, and we still had a couple of arguments that she started about stupid things. Last week she got mad at me because I forgot to do something she asked me. She called me and was very rude on the phone. I got mad and hangup because Im always doing her favors and I don't think I deserve her talking to me that way. She has not call me since last Thursday and I don't want to call her because my friends told me that if I disappear from her life she will miss me and come back ( I want her back) or that at least I will move on. The problem is that after a week Im feeling weak and I want to know what's up with her. I really care about this girl and I want to know if she is doing OK, but I don't know if a should call her. Also, her friends told me that she may still have some feelings for me.

I wish · Sep 18, 2009, 12:15 PM

I know that you still care about her. But by continuously talking to her, you are prolonging the healing process.

Leave each other alone until you've both recovered from the break up. Then when you're feeling more refreshed, you can consider a possible friendship. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for you to move forward with your life.

No contact does take a lot of will power. So try reading these stickies to help you out:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

kctiger · Sep 18, 2009, 12:23 PM

Not to be rude, but why do you want her back? She does nothing but treat you like crap and complain. What exactly is cool about that?

I think giving it some time away from her with NC will hopefully shine a clearer picture for you. You don't seem happy with the way she treats so I think it is reasonable to leave her be. You don't deserve to be talked to like a child and her taking advantage of the fact that you really care for her.

My advice: continue NC, go out, have fun and experience what it's like to not have to answer to a cold suck up beeyatch.

ChihuahuaMomma · Sep 18, 2009, 01:54 PM

Relationships are about compromise, unity, sharing & being there for one another. It's not a real relationship if she's doing nothing and you are doing EVERYTHING. You need to keep up with the no-contact, and let your heart and soul heal. Learn to be your own person again. And when the time comes and the right person comes along, you will know. And you will be thanking your lucky stars that you survived your break up, and you have what you worked for.

inks1231 · Sep 18, 2009, 04:33 PM

Thanks everybody for your responses!!

Originally Posted by kctiger

Not to be rude, but why do you want her back? She does nothing but treat you like crap and complain. What exactly is cool about that?

I think giving it some time away from her with NC will hopefully shine a clearer picture for you. You don't seem happy with the way she treats so I think it is reasonable to leave her be. You don't deserve to be talked to like a child and her taking advantage of the fact that you really care for her.

My advice: continue NC, go out, have fun and experience what it's like to not have to answer to a cold suck up beeyatch.

I know that it sounds crazy that I want her back but I love her so much that I don't want her to get hurt by some other guy. Her last boyfriend treated her really bad and I don't want her to find another guy that's treats her like that.

Cat1864 · Sep 18, 2009, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by inks1231

I dont want her to get hurt by some other guy. Her last boyfriend treated her really bad and I dont want her to find another guy thats treats her like that.

That is a huge piece of the puzzle. She is doing the emotional equivalent of shooting herself in the foot. This something you really can't help her with. Mentally and emotionally, she still has a lot of healing to do. She has to take the time and space to find herself again.

The bad relationship is still with her. She is afraid and running scared. Mainly from herself. Unfortunately you are a casualty in her inner war. She is sabotaging her current relationship because she doesn't want to get hurt again. She is hurting both of you because she is afraid of making the same mistake again.

Until she is ready to face the past and learn how to put it behind her, she will continue hurting herself and her relationships.

Keeping NC would probably be the best thing to do. Not for you but her.

inks1231 · Sep 19, 2009, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

That is a huge piece of the puzzle. She is doing the emotional equivalent of shooting herself in the foot. This something you really can't help her with. Mentally and emotionally, she still has a lot of healing to do. She has to take the time and space to find herself again.

The bad relationship is still with her. She is afraid and and running scared. Mainly from herself. Unfortunately you are a casualty in her inner war. She is sabotaging her current relationship because she doesn't want to get hurt again. She is hurting both of you because she is afraid of making the same mistake again.

Until she is ready to face the past and learn how to put it behind her, she will continue hurting herself and her relationships.

Keeping NC would probably be the best thing to do. Not for you but her.

WOw I never tough of it like that... thanks

Yesterday I went out to a club and on my way there I stopped at a friends house to say hi and my ex was there. I did not say word to her but now, after seeing her I feel really bad, I wanted to hug her and talk to her but I didn't. Ive been thinking about her all day and I feel like calling her!!

She didn't look too happy and I wasn't eaither , but in front of her I acted as if I was having a good time, and her friend even complimented me on how I looked. Did I do the right thing by not speaking to her?

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 11:46 AM

You're welcome.

Yes, you did. I know it wasn't (and won't be) easy to let her go especially when you see her hurting, but you can't be responsible for her healing. Only she can do that.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 02:43 PM

You did great, now enjoy yourself and let her deal with whatever her issues are. Keeping NC helps her as well as you heal from each other, without those confusing mind games.

inks1231 · Sep 19, 2009, 03:52 PM

THank you... I hope that I can stay strong and in a few weeks I can feel better... Im going to try to avoid any situations where I could see her because Ive been thinking a lot about her since I saw how pretty she looked yesterday :(

DerelictHerds · Sep 19, 2009, 03:57 PM

Hopefully in a few weeks you will feel better, ONLY if you stick to NO CONTACT. If you don't feel too much better in a few weeks, don't be discouraged, just go with it. And you'll heal when you heal.

inks1231 · Sep 19, 2009, 04:03 PM

Thank you!! Ive been trying to stay busy... I went out yesterday, I'm going out today and tomorrow, but I still think a lot about her when Im at home!!

By the way... I really care for her as a person and would like to know if she is doing fine,, should I ask her friends?

DerelictHerds · Sep 19, 2009, 04:11 PM

It's okay that you still think about her as long as you still know what you need to do - move on without her.

If you want to find out how she's doing, don't. The less you know, the better.

inks1231 · Sep 19, 2009, 04:29 PM

OK... thank you!! I will do my best.. and keep you guys updated because its been helpful reading your advices

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by inks1231

Thank you!!!! Ive been trying to stay busy....I went out yesterday, im going out today and tomorrow, but I still think alot about her when Im at home!!!!!

by the way....I really care for her as a person and would like to know if she is doing fine,,,should i ask her friends?

I would be careful about asking her friends. If they tell her that you asked how she was doing, it might give her false hope. It would also be even harder on you if they say she isn't doing well. Better just to let her go.

Good luck.

inks1231 · Sep 19, 2009, 11:10 PM

Thanks...

Man today was hard... since I saw her yesterday... she was on my mind all day long... Iwent to a party and although I had fun... I never stop thinking about her...

amicon · Sep 20, 2009, 12:03 AM

These thoughts are normal but it helps to keep really busy.Resist the temptation of trying to find out what she s up to it ll only set you back.As the days pass you will find that the pain lessens.

inks1231 · Oct 1, 2009, 11:12 PM

I couldn't take it anymore... I text her.. and she wwanted to meet... so I did... and she was really happy to see.. me... she started calling me everyday.. we talked for hours like before... but yesterday she told me that she ask some guy to go to a club with her... I know.. I ****ed up.. by text her... but what I want to know... why did she tell me about the other guy... her friend told me that the only reason she asked him is because she helps her out in one of her classes... and her friend also told me that my ex is onlly going if her other two friends go...

amicon · Oct 2, 2009, 04:54 AM

Contact equals confusion and so you start asking yourself questions again.
Start the NO contact again and get back on track.
It s tough but vital.

kctiger · Oct 2, 2009, 06:46 AM

KCTiger Rule: Always carry yourself with class and dignity, especially when it comes to a break up. (copyrighted by Tal)

Don't ever be a back up plan, avoid the confusion and have self control enough to leave her ALONE! The ONLY way an ex can come back is without your doing or help. Talking to an ex when we still have feelings for them only leads to over analyzing and more confusion than anything. In a break up you protect yourself, that is the number one priority.

KCTiger Rule: If an ex and I get back together it will be because THEY tried to get me back and not the other way around.