[Stringer]

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
Forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
Was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
Flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from
Burns, but from massive internal injuries.

Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set
About to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest
Fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a
Diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters,
Seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of
Helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and
Then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300
Feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the
Fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
Kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
Accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the
Handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the
Motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the
Crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,
Cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio
Door.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived
On a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to
The street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance
Arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife
Uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels,
Blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was
Treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the
Shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became
Despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the
Toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped
It between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was
In the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She
Ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers
Had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of
His legs, and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same
Paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The
Paramedics loaded the husband onto the stretcher and began carrying him to
The street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the
Wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned
Himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of
Them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down
The remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

[Cat1864]

Those are soooooo old. I think they may be able to vote by now. :D

[friend4u178]

So You Think You Had A Bad Day

Just in case you think you've had a bad day, consider how it could
Have been much, much worse...

=> CURL UP AND DIE
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
Asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

=> LADY GOLFER
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
Unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
Minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
At the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
Him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

=> NUTS ABOUT YOU
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
Variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
The counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
And I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
Let me forget.

=> NA-NA NA-NA NA-NAH!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
After receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
Her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
Threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
After this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
Doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
With my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
Behind me were screams of laughter.

=> SURPRISE!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
Parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
A romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
Telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
Nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
We didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
Stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
"SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
Were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock
And embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in
My family has planned a surprise party again.

=> PRICELESS
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a
Long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount
Store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her
Items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on
The intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
The rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "TAMPAX" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the
Intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" :eek:

[Clough]

Good ones, Stringer! :) I've never heard them before. But then, I lead a sheltered life...

Thanks!

[Stringer]

Good ones, Stringer! :) I've never heard them before. But then, I lead a sheltered life...

Thanks!

Thanks Clough I hadn't seen them before either.

[Stringer]

So You Think You Had A Bad Day

Just in case you think you've had a bad day, consider how it could
have been much, much worse ....

=> CURL UP AND DIE
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

=> LADY GOLFER
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

=> NUTS ABOUT YOU
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
let me forget.

=> NA-NA NA-NA NA-NAH!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.

=> SURPRISE!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
"SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock
and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in
my family has planned a surprise party again.

=> PRICELESS
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a
long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount
store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her
items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on
the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "TAMPAX" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" :eek:

Pretty good, I liked them M...

[Clough]

Oh, I just loved those, friend4u178!

Thanks!

[sergie]

Quite amusing up there, Thank you Stringer and Friend4u178. Never heard those stuffs before. :)

[aliseaodo]

The first one from Stringer was used in a CSI Las Vegas episode...

[adam_89]

Those were all very funny!

[Stringer]

If any of you have any more... post away...

[twinkiedooter]

Friend - I'm rolling on the floor with the thumbtacks one... hilarious!!