[talaniman]

I think we have been through this before Emo, sometimes you have to back up, and let people make their decisions WITHOUT your influence, whether you like it or not. Patience my friend, and don't let your fears rule you, as I know how emotional you are.

[emopunk7]

Yeah I can be emotional a lot. I just need patience because like today I am scared for tonight. Maybe she is working now and we she gets out she may go with her sister to her church, and her ex is there. Or she may go out with her friend again. But why would she do that? Its like going behind my back again. If she isn't caring then why should I? Shouldn't she be fixing this problem with me instead? And I work tomorrow night and if she doesn't contact me till then I'd be worried sick as to why she hasn't called and where is she. It will be like last week all over again. She text me a few days ago saying she was especially mad that I kept her waiting at her job for an hour and a half because I said I'd pick her up but instead I was paying her back.

[Justwantfair]

You are creating a wedge between you and her with all of the speculation and need to control her for your own security.

She doesn't need to check in, she needs space, so it is not important for her to report to you what she is doing. You have four years together, I doubt you are truly that far from her mind, but she needs her space, if you can't give it to her, she will permanently require space from you. Handle your few days the best you can, don't turn it into a lifetime.

[Cat1864]

Emo, please stop playing games. As we keep saying, they don't help.

You seem so intent on catching her in a "lie" or with someone else male or female. What life does she have? What life do you have?

Is she supposed to call you when she sneezes? Text you when she goes to the bathroom? Does she have to have her phone in the shower with her?

Do those sound silly? I hope so.

[talaniman]

Come on, this isn't the first time your emotions have lead you to some rather impulsive thoughts, and actions. You didn't learn then, and your trying not to learn, again.

Your letting your feelings get in the way of the real point, and letting your mind play tricks on you.

Deal with your feelings dude, stop playing the games, and think with your head, not your heart.

Yeah I can be emotional a lot. I just need patience because like today I am scared for tonight.

You know what you need... patients, not fear, because lets be honest, your getting even with her, is biting you in the butt. The price you pay for playing silly games, instead of keeping it real.

its like going behind my back again.

She is mad at you because of your actions as are you, because of her actions.

if she isn't caring then why should I?

When people are mad, they don't give a rats patoot about what you want. When you were mad, neither did you. Playing games to get even, is not caring, its childish.

shouldn't she be fixing this problem with me instead?

I think she won't care about fixing anything until she gets over being pizzed at you.

Face the facts for once, and take responsibility for your own actions, so you can move forward.

Also face the fact your going to have to wait, and see what happens next, and deal with it, no matter what it is.

Its time for that patients you KNOW you need, and some trust.

Now you can be as emotional as you want to be, and just let your fears get you carried away, and get more of the same as you have been, through some impulsive decisions. But think, is that the right way to go?

Or are we going to get a thousand pages of your venting, and then get a new girl, and start this insane cycle all over again?

Its your choice, make a good one, based on facts, and not just feelings, that you haven't learned to deal with, or control.

[BMI]

Darn reputation spreading.

LISTEN to these people. You're the product of not listening.

[emopunk7]

Ok... it just hit me. If she is the one who hurt me and did something behind my back and all I did was do it back then why is she so mad? We both did the same thing and I'm okay now so what's going on with her? Its over and we are even! Don't you think?

[Justwantfair]

I think you 'doing it back' was childish and gamish, I don't know why that would make you even.

Maybe it's the realization that in order to go out with her friends she has to lie to you!

Maybe it's the you are so insecure within the relationship, you are checking up on her, she is betraying you and now all she asked for was space and you won't leave her alone.

Maybe it's that going out was fun and undramatic like everyday of her relationship is with you.

These are all things that I would be upset and angry about.

[emopunk7]

She just called me and hung up after 15 seconds! No sound in background. I called back 3 times but no answer!

[CFZD]

OP,

A jealous man
Is one who fears being played for a fool by his woman -- that is how he
Thinks of her, as His woman -- regardless of who that woman may be. The
Woman may change, the woman may be replaced, but a man who cannot rid
Himself of jealousy will see the same flaws in every single one.
Did you read the 7 habbits of highly effective people? The last thing you should worry about is something you
cannot control. And bear in mind, always, that you would do far better
To improve yourself than to seek to improve another.

Man up!

[emopunk7]

She just called me and hung up after 15 seconds! No sound in background. I called back 3 times but no answer

[ohsohappy]

Ok...it just hit me. If she is the one who hurt me and did something behind my back and all i did was do it back then why is she so mad? we both did the same thing and I'm okay now so what's going on with her? its over and we are even! don't you think?

"getting her back" does not make you "even" it makes you an idiot.

[friend4u178]

She just called me and hung up after 15 seconds! No sound in background. I called back 3 times but no answer

Emo
This is the exact insecure/obssesive behaviour everyone's been telling you about , and in all seriousness if you don't stop you WILL lose her.

Leave her be for now and let her stew until she sees fit.

[Cat1864]

She just called me and hung up after 15 seconds! No sound in background. I called back 3 times but no answer

Why did you repeat yourself?

It could have been a mis-dial or jostling the phone or someone else playing around. I wouldn't read too much into it.

[talaniman]

You have nothing to be mad about, she is playing a game because she knows you just love games.

Admit it, you like it when she plays with your mind, and pushes your buttons. Isn't that's why you kids do it? Because you love it?

[emopunk7]

I love games? no. I was hurt and reacted stupidly. I am so nice to her. I'm just having some trouble with trust but I can do better. Now I've been 4 days today without hearing from her except for a call that she didn't speak... n if it was by mistake she would have sent a text that she called by mistake. Its happened other times when she is mad. Now I'm just confused. And how long is this going to last. Is this her payback now?

[Cat1864]

is this her payback now?

What are you going to do if it is?

[emopunk7]

If it is... then this time I will talk to her about it n not let my emotions take over.

[Cat1864]

if it is...then this time I will talk to her about it n not let my emotions take over.

Great answer!!

Keep up that type of thinking and things should get better. It won't be easy, but you can do it.

[Justwantfair]

I've been 4 days today without hearing from her

How many days have you been without contacting her, by text, voicemail, unanswered phone calls?

One of you is sick of the trust issues and sick of the insecurity. Now instead of proving that you trust her, which is what she probably really wanted when asking for space, you have proven that you can't allow her to have her own time. That she must coddle you because you can't cope.

While this may have blown over quickly, you have turned it into a longer process.

I would think it's not payback, but I would think that she is getting closer to putting this behind her.