[VinVinaccia]

OK, this is an issue that is really pertinent to my relationship with my girlfriend because she has such a strong bond with her best friend. It is something that has broken us up for a couple days, and no matter how much I try to ignore the issue it is a reoccurring thought that haunts me day in and day out.

About a year ago my girlfriend and I went out to a party along with a trio of her closest friends. I had a blast until a few things started happening. Well, first of all this was the night my girlfriend chose to confess her love to me. She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me as long as possible. It meant a lot to me as I confessed the same feelings at that moment. After our wonderful talk, we headed back inside to dance. She started dancing with her closest friends as I danced along. Suddenly, without provocation or cause, my GF started kissing her best friend as they danced together. I was a little thrown off, but as it was a party and we were all having fun I just carried on. In her defense, she was really really drunk. (her friend wasn't). Then, they kissed some more. About 3 kisses took place on that dance floor. I had too much so I dragged my girlfriend to a plastic chair outside so I could talk to her. It was at that moment that her best friend followed us out. I sat in the chair, my girlfriend sat in my lap, and her best friend came out of no where and straddled my baby and they started making out. It was one of the most passionate kisses I've ever seen, and only seldom had I ever kissed my girlfriend with as much passion as they had. After the kiss my GF threw up all over the floor as her 'bestie' and I cared to her.

The day after was a day of confusion for me. I was unaware of this relationship and I was full of questions that needed answering. I found out that this was the 'only time' they had ever done anything like that. However, they share the same bed at night when they have sleepovers, they shower together, they bathe together, and they are almost as intimate as I am with her. I am my girlfriends first boyfriend and before me it was just the two of them. Both girls deny a lesbian relationship as they both seem to be interested in guys. In fact, they have a large list of guys they have hooked up with between the two of them, but somehow they were always together when they would hook up with guys.

So that's the backstory. I told her I'd be OK with the relationship as long as the sleeping in bed and showering together ended. She argued a very emotional argument trying to hold on to showering privelages based on asinine claims like 'saving water' and 'time efficiency'. I told her absolutely not. Well, a year later the bed rule has been thrown out the window as they continue to sleep together when my GF goes to visit her for weekends. I have no idea if they do or do not shower together. I have no idea what goes on! I am terribly confused as I've caught her in lies and cover ups before. For instance, I recently found out from her little brother that he has seen the two girls "make out on several occasions". I asked her straight up, has there ever been a sexual relationship between you and that girl. She denied it, yet at the same time she displayed the signs of lying as her face became distorted and her upper lip started to twitch. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it makes me uncomfortable.

In closing, I honestly love her with all my heart but I feel she has a much stronger relationship with her 'bestie'. Her best friend will never be out of the picture, and it has since surfaced that if a fight broke out between her best friend and myself, she would side with her best friend. So, please I need input. They are both young and if they are gay, neither of them are comfortable coming out. My GF does want to be with, and I with her but I worry about the future. In 20 years, will this be a problem? Should I marry into this mess, or should I start backing out? Do you consider this pre-coming-out lesbian behavior? What do you think?

-Concerned boyfriend-

[Alty]

It sounds like she's bi-sexual.

Here's the thing, she can't have you both, she has to choose.

Ask her if it's okay if you sleep in the same bed with another girl, or shower with another girl, bathe with her, make out with her.

If she's not okay with that then why should you be okay with what she's doing? It's the same thing.

Cheating is cheating and that's what she's doing.

[VinVinaccia]

But see, they aren't kissing as far as I know when they sleep together. They aren't doing anything sexual. Is it cheating if they hang on to that intimate best friend relationship? Am I over analyzing the situation or am I blinded by the situation haha. That's what confuses me

[epawls]

Your girlfriend is absolutely gay. If you showered and slept with one of your boys, that would totally be considered as a homosexual experience. While there is nothing wrong with that, it sounds like it is not the right thing for you.

You should just walk away from the relationship. When you are in a relationship like this, you are constantly courting her. You are competing for her on a daily basis. You just need to be polite, but stern and explain to her that you are tired of the constant competition and the dual relationship. She and her bestie sound inseparable at this point in their lives. There is obviously some kind of pleasure she gets from her bestie that males cannot provide. It is obvious that she is lying to you about the depth of their relationship.

It may be difficult to walk away, but it sounds like the two of you are young. If that is the case, either take it for what it is (if you can handle the constant competition with her bestie and your girlfriend lying about the involvement) or walk away and find someone else that does not share affection with anyone but you.

I would definitely walk away and cease all contact. There are so many fish in the sea... it sounds like you are already extremely stressed out over this. The stress of questioning her on her lies and deceitful behavior and relationship with her bestie is sooooo not worth it. The stress will not get any easier... only harder.

The fact that she gets drunk to the point of sickness is also a huge red flag...

Run... and run fast.

[VinVinaccia]

Thank you for your insight. It is especially hard for me to leave because I live with her and all my stuff is here. Haha, it makes a project out of breaking up. OH, and she doesn't drink to the point of sickness, that was the one time and after that she decided she better not drink anymore

[Alty]

But see, they aren't kissing as far as I know when they sleep together. They aren't doing anything sexual. Is it cheating if they hang on to that intimate best friend relationship? Am I over analyzing the situation or am I blinded by the situation haha. That's what confuses me

They sleep in the same bed, that alone wouldn't be a red flag, but the showering together, bathing together and the making out (which you saw once and her brother says he's seen too).

I'm pretty sure she's bi-sexual.

So, are you willing to share your girlfriend? That's the real question.

[VinVinaccia]

Yeah. See that's the conclusion I always got too and I hated it. I just don't like to see it that way since I love her so much you know. Am I willing to share her? I try thinking its hot like almost every other guy, but to that I have to say no.

[Alty]

yeah. See thats the conclusion I always got too and I hated it. I just don't like to see it that way since I love her so much ya know. Am I willing to share her? I try thinking its hot like almost every other guy, but to that I have to say no.

There's only one way to deal with this and that's to talk to her about it.

Tell her how you feel. Tell her that it hurts when you do these things. Ask her if
She'd be okay with you having a relationship like the one she has with her BFF.

It doesn't matter that her friend is a girl, like I said, cheating is cheating.

I don't shower with someone or make out with someone unless I'm sexually
Interested in that person.

The fact that she did it while she was drunk only makes me more convinced that
She's bi.

Nothing wrong with being bi-sexual, but that doesn't give you a license to cheat.

[epawls]

Ok... the bottom line is that this other relationship is hurting you. If you approach your girlfriend and explain to her that what she is doing is hurting you and she refuses to immediately stop, then it is time for you to leave. Even if you stayed... the relationship is probably in shambles due to the damage that has already been caused.

Say she leaves her bestie, now and never talks to her again, at the very least, she is bi-sexual. Not only do you have to worry about her looking at other guys, but girls too. She will eventually resent you for forcing her to choose between the 2 of you. You already have resentments about her lying and deceiving you. It will get worse before it gets better... and that is all if her bestie was immediately out of the picture. Since she is still around, the wound will never heal and you will be constantly reminded that you cannot satisfy her every need. You are wasting your time.

Man to man-walk away. It may seem hard to do right now, but in the long run... you will be soooo glad you did. Tomorrow you will be closer to your boiling point... the following day even closer. You are delaying the inevitable. This type of relationship is only short lived. The only way it will work is if your relationship with her was like the friend with benefits. You need to look out for yourself. There are so many women out there that will look at you as their knight in shining armor, their hero, their muse... etc. She is not the one.

[VinVinaccia]

Thank you, I really value your insight and I agree with everyone's conclusions... Next step, when and where to have 'the talk'

[dincher]

Thank you, I really value your insight and I agree with everyone's conclusions.... Next step, when and where to have 'the talk'

Lol, let us know - this is like a soap opera.

BTW, I laffed when I read your post (not out of disrespect) but because the girls shower, sleep together, and made out in front of you and you asked, "So is she gay?" :D But I know how it may be to be in denial. ;)

[asking]

I used to sleep in the same bed with my best friend and it was not sexual.

But I think making out is. Showering could go either way depending on the circumstances and what they do in the shower. You shouldn't have to hope it's okay.

Given the making out, I don't blame you for being jealous. The lap stuff makes me wonder if they want a threesome?

If it was me, I'd be packing my bags. Not my scene. You are unhappy, this is not getting better. She is not willing to give up or tone down this intense and threatening relationship. It will only continue to make you unhappy and your unhappiness will make her unhappy.

[talaniman]

Time to see reality, and go, since its obvious you can't handle her, or her sexuality. I really doubt she gives up her friend. But does want the best of both worlds.