[teenagetruck]

This may get a little long, because I want to make sure you (the answerer) have a good understanding of the situation.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years. As is usually the case, things were perfect in the beginning. We couldn't get enough of each other. We spent every waking moment together, traveled together, had MAGNIFICENT sex (we both still agree that this is and always has been the case), and shared a love for each other that was unmistakable.

She got pregnant about 8 months into our relationship. Although we both knew it would be difficult, we never even explored any other option but having the baby. He is now 3 1/2 years old and is absolutely excelling in Pre-K.

Over the years, we have had hardship after hardship. I made some big mistakes, not the least of which was getting 2 dui's back in 2005 (I have since stopped drinking except for on rare occasions, so drinking is not the problem). I have been without a license for these last 4 years though, and the car that I bought for her 3 years ago has been broken down since about 6 months after I bought it. So we've had no car and have been relying on public transportation and friends/family for transportation most of our relationship.

We have both been in and out of jobs for the past 4 years, have lost apartments, stayed with family, had to borrow money from friends and family just to get by... etc, etc.

Things have been nothing short of terrible. She cheated on me once, but I can honestly say that we are both over it, she has reassured me countless times that it was a horrible mistake, and it would never happen again. And I am positive that it hasn't, and won't.

We have been staying with my family for a few months now, which we both hate, but are trying hard to get back on our feet after a terrible 2009 financially. After we moved out of our apartment in April, she moved her things into a friends house, and I moved my things into my family's house. We have been staying here with my family together, with our son. Last week, her and my mother had a huge fight. My mother told her to leave, so she did. She went to stay with her friend that night. She came back to me the next day (my family is out of town for a few days) and we have been together for the past 2 days.

Now, this morning she tells me that she is done with this situation (totally out of the blue; we had a great dinner together last night, watched a movie, and went to bed happy). This is not the first time she has told me she was "done". She always comes back. But I think at some point she won't. She has anger issues, and it has been a problem for some time. Everything will seem fine, and just out of nowhere, she'll be furious, screaming at me, and (I think) overreacting to small things.

Through all of this, our love for each other has remained. There is no question in my mind that we are still, and always will be very much in love with each other. We have talked about marriage repeatedly. We have plans for our life together. We have mapped out our whole future and she is right there with me.

But so many hardships have made our relationship seem like its just not worth the suffering anymore. Financially and logistically speaking, our relationship has been a disaster. But somehow, we have stayed so in love with each other. I know, even though she said she is finished, that she still loves me.

What am I supposed to do? I love her with all of my heart, and I want nothing more out of life than to grow old with her and watch our son grow into the amazing person that I know he's going to be.

But is it time for me to stop fighting? Time to stop trying to convince her that things are going to be okay? Is it time for me to let her walk away and just let the pain of lost love set in?

I will be lost without her, but if she truly is unhappy and tired of our unstable situation (how could she not be?) then maybe I'd be doing her a favor by letting her go.

If our love wasn't so deep and intense, we never would have made it this far. She would have walked out on me a long time ago. But we stuck together through some horrible times. So I know there is potential for a long and fulfilling love.

Is it time for both of us to say "enough is enough"? Or should we keep fighting for our life together?

[talaniman]

All relationships have to go through the hardships of life. I don't know if she will change her mind or not, but I do know that your focus is being a good dad (I'm sure you are) and put yourself on a solid foundation as far as working and providing (not easy in these times).

I also know if she can't handle the stress, these hardships will cause, with you any better than she has, you will not survive as couple any way.

Maybe you both need a break to regroup, and reassess your options. I hope you can make a new commitment, but it takes you both feeling the same way.

[redhed35]

Its seems you have both been through quite a rough time..

Do not sit on your larrels now.. do not spiral into despair...

Even though she has had enough.. show her things will change..

The harder you try the luckier you will get...
Step up to the plate now and take charge of this situation,let her gather herself and you go into battle and bring this together...

I don't know if she will be back,but its less of a chance if you sit and do nothing to help your family stick this out..

[paxe]

You seem to be very understanding. From what I understand it seems one of the major problem is financial. Well here is your chance. You are in shock because your girlfriend left you. You can use this shock positively or negatively.

You should get your life back in track. You can apply for a new job, learn new skills, work more hours... Your situation doesn't seem hopeless, if you show that you have control of your life and making a very good progress, and that you have ambitions

I believe she would reconsider her decision.
If not then, everything you would have done would be to yourself and your son so that life gets easier for him and for you.

Now actually is probably not the time to "fight" for your relationship. Explain to her that you want to get your life back in track and that you probably need to apply No Contact. Make a check list of everything you need to do.

Remember, after plain shock, you can either sit and cry or you can refuse your pain, and change your life to the better. It's your decision.

[sully123]

I agree with Tal, you have to build a foundation and a steady job. You have made some mistakes, just as she as, and no one is perfect. We all learn from them, and hopefully you did too, for the sake of your son. He is your number one priority right now, lining up your job and then take if from there. I wouldn't push too much the issues between you and your girlfriend, if she wants a break, give it to her. Sounds like she is going through a lot also. Try and be supportive of her if that's what she wants for now, her space. Good luck and keep us posted. You have too prove to her you can make it and support the three of you..

[teenagetruck]

Wow, not sure how to respond to all of you, but thank you all for your input.

Not too surprisingly, she came right back to me this morning after church. We talked for 2 hours, and are right back on the same page. We are going to stay together but live separately for a little while... we're trying to focus now on what has been a goal of ours for some time: saving money and moving to Myrtle Beach, SC where my father lives.

Its going to hurt to not live under the same roof as her after all these years, but I feel like we have a very good understanding of where we both stand and what we both want out of our relationship.

Thanks again to all for your input. Its so crazy to see people who are complete strangers step outside of themselves to help someone else.

God bless all of you!

[redhed35]

Sounds like a good idea to live apart and work on your relationship.

Keep talking,don't let bad feelings build up,work together as a couple and as parents,be active particpants (sp) in your lives,don't just sit back and watch the time slip away.
Make a plan on what you can save,a little amount every week will build up.

Set your sights on your future,I stress that you need to keep talking,and perhaps when your talking again to talk about how you both argue,and when things are getting heated that one of you realise this and say something..

Good luck to you both.

[amicon]

Take care and good luck.