[Wishing1]

I found this post from another person and it basically sums up my problem.:(

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rt-173080.html




Im 26 he's 36 and controlling. He thinks I'm cheating with my boss. I have to call him whenever my boss comes around me. He tells me to wear my blootooth so my boss won't see I'm on the phone and so he can listen in to what is really going on. I have nothing to hide so I do it. If he doesn't answer he says to leave it recording on the voicemail. If he calls the office and my boss is around hell start accusing me because I didn't call him. He yells and curses at me and calls me whore because he swears I've been with my boss. My boss is married and has a girlfriend too that comes here to see him. I guess he sees that he cheats on his wife so he assumes he wants to be with me too. I don't agree with what my boss does and I even told his mom what he is doing (the main boss lady/this company is 8 people only so we have become close). I tell my boyfriend he must be ignorant to really think that and he just keeps accusing me.

We lived together but when I would complain to him about how ridiculous it that I have to call him when my boss is around he would say "if you dont like it then get the f*** out of here" and I would never EVER curse back at him or yell at him, I would just sit there and cry like how can he be sol cold with me and treat me like this. There are so many more things that he has done to me it would be toolong but basically we broke uplast week ye yelled at me, was cursing me out and told me to leave that I'm such a whore and I just could not take it anymore and I left. He has done this to me before but I never leave and then a day later he'll apologize and say "you know i dont mean what i tell you i never want you to leave, dont listen to me when i say that" but why should I have to put up with it?! I left and I just can't take his verbal abuse anymore.

I fell so lonely and I'm missing him very bad. We work together so its hard. He is actually being nice hereat work but acting like he doesn't care like his life is all fine and dandy without me. I know I'm doing the right thing butit hurts real bad. We were together for 3 years and I lived with him for about 1.5 Yrs.

Really hurting... any encouraging words?

[spitvenom]

Congrats you are FREE!! No more being yelled at no more being cursed at (a real man DOES NOT curse at his GF or wife) Wearing a bluetooth so his paranoid @$$ can listen to you and your boss is INSANE!! Nobody should have to deal with that. Go out have some fun with your friends. Start to live your life again but this time you are STRESS FREE!!

[dincher]

The first few sentences of the post sounded like the guy is truly delusional! What a jealous freak! I'd be so glad he left- who needs that type of treatment- it would have gotten the best of you eventually! Act as if you don't care- watch him simmer in a jealous fit - he does care - one cannot go from being jealous one day to not being paranoid to the next!

[I wish]

You should be relieved that you are not longer in such a controlling relationship. He might have some good qualities, but I can assure you that there are much better men out there.

Take your time to recover from the breakup, but you can definitely do better and you will find someone better when you're done recovering. Don't look back anymore.

[Wishing1]

Thank you fir replying. My mind knows and understands what is going on and I'm smart to know that this is not healthy and it has already taken a toll on me... I know myself esteem has suffered. I am pretty and I know that I can go out and meet other people but my heart loves him and I can't help that. I'm just sad cause I really do care but he is so controlling and manipulative. One time we were at the movies and he KNEW or better ASSUMED I was looking at a guy so we left on the way home ge was yelling and telling me to admit it I didn't he told me to get off his car he didn't even let me get my purse I had to walk home in boots 3 miles at 10 pm , and when I get home he answers the door saying are u ready to apologize for looking at another guy?

Another time we were at the beach at night to talk about some arguments we had (his idea of a calming environment) he didn't like what he heard so we left on the way home he told me to get off on the freeway at about 11 pm again without my phone. I then saw him driving around looking for me but by then I had already called chp and they picked me up and took me to my moms. The next he called and said sorry, and rats all it took for me to go back to him. To this day I still don't even know what freeway we were on.

Feeling very lame and without a backbone.

I need to learn some self respect and value myself :(

[overayear]

Wow are you kidding me. Be very glad that you are no longer in that relationship. It seems that he has real issues and is very insecure. He will always be that way unless someone he loves leaves him and he fully understand that no one will put up with that behavior forever. I think you did him and you a favor by letting go. So just stay strong and stick to your guns. You are making some changes and to me that shows you do have a backbone. Good Job

[Gemini54]

What you are experiencing is emotional abuse. Your BF is a bully and if you continue to be stay with him and accept his behavior it will probably escalate to physical violence.

I suspect that you need him rather than love him, because what is there to love? I ask this question genuinely. What is there to love about someone that belittles you, bullies you, controls you and makes you feel bad about yourself?

You don't really need to be with someone like this do you?

Please give some thought about why you chose to stay with a person like this - you sound reasonably self observant - you can now spend some time building up your confidence and self respect so that you don't attract another monster like him.

Let him go, and rejoice in your freedom to be yourself.

[talaniman]

He would say "if you don't like it then get the f*** out of here"

That sounds like an offer you can't refuse, and I sure would jump at the chance to be free from a$$hole boy, and get a real man.

[s_cianci]

No, I'm sorry, I have no encouraging words for you. But I do have some advice ; RUN, do not walk, away from this creep and don't look back. I stopped reading your post after the "if you don't like it then get the f*** out of here" part because that was enough for me. Any creep that would talk to someone like that isn't worth the time of day, in my estimation. And "control freak" doesn't even begin to describe this psycho. Is this really the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I wouldn't want to spend one minute with someone like this, let alone a lifetime!

[Wishing1]

Hi everyone just wanted to let you all know I have not called him and I was actually doing really good but today I jist woke up missing him. I'm feeling really angry at him and myself for allowing him to treat me like that and I'm feeling really hurt. I guess its just all sinking in to me that its really over. =(

[Gemini54]

Hi everyone just wanted to let you all know i have not called him and i was actually doing really good but today i jist woke up missing him. I'm feeling really angry at him and myself for allowing him to treat me like that and im feeling really hurt. I guess its just all sinking in to me that its really over. =(

It's the start of the process of letting him go - by all means feel angry - you are justified to feel angry with HIM. Now you know how you don't want to be treated in a relationship - it's all part of the learning process. Once the hurt and anger has dissipated, you can get on with living your life not someone else's.

[Just Looking]

I hope you can stay strong and stay away from him. He is abusing you. He is delusional. He has put you in dangerous situations – you should not be left alone to walk home at night. Stay away from him. Look for the support of your mother or friends to help you do so. He is selfish and manipulative. He is sick, and his behavior will only get worse if you go back.

It will be difficult to avoid him if you work together. Is there any chance you can find a new job or maybe transfer with your company? If not, do you have work friends who can help keep you on the right path? He will act nice and try to get you back. You have to remember the way he treats you, and refuse to return. I dealt with a jealous boyfriend whom I also worked with – not to the extent you have, but close enough that I understand the dynamics. I also got yelled at for talking to male co-workers. I felt so much better when I got out of the situation, and you will too. I didn't really understand how bad it was until I got away from it. He could be so passionate with his words and I mistook that for caring. His jealousy was unfounded, but I accepted it for a while because he had other good qualities. I realized after the fact that it was manipulation. I think this will all become clearer to you if you stay away, and you will realize the feelings you have about missing him are not feelings of love.

There are so many nice men out there that will treat you well. No one deserves to be treated the way you are being treated. Good luck.

[MsMewiththat]

Knowing it is half the battle. Believing it and sticking to your decision is the other half of this.
As everyone has stated your going to miss him and it's going to hurt. He very well may try really hard at one point to get you back or continue to play the mind games that things don't bother him. Try to ignore him. Put it out of your mind and let it go. Heal.
Good Luck in your journey. Be strong

[Just Looking]

I just wanted to add something quickly. You might find yourself doubting what has happened, thinking he will change, being influenced by his seeming change in character, etc. Any time you start doubting you are doing the right thing, come back and read this thread – as many times as you have to read it to get back in the right mind frame. You will also find that each time you read it you will gain new insights and a deeper understanding of what the posters are saying. Don’t let him trick you into coming back. Know that you have a lot of support here, and use it as often as you need. I have found the people of this site to be very compassionate and knowledgeable – and they want to help you get through this.

[Wishing1]

I just wanted to keep u guys posted. I went with my family this weekend. On Friday he sent me about 5 text messages apologizing to me telling me he loves me and he's really really sorry. He also said he was too scared to call me because he knew that I would get my revenge(I would be mean to him and reject him). Well I did not text him back at all and ten he sent me a text message saying OK I'll leave u alone I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry and I never meant to hurt you. Well he usually sends me videos of love songs but this time I blocked his email so I wouldn't see any of them and start to feel weak. Well it's now Wednesday and he has not talked to me at all at work. He's being nice at least but Im starting to feel GUILTY because he was sorry and he reached out and I ignored him. I know I shouldn't want him back but I just think if he really loved me he would be trying to prove himself instead of "oh well I tried".I went to a dodger game yesterday with my family and yes I had fun but everything I do reminds me of him. And I just hate the fact the I haven't let go, I keep hoping that he'll change and realize he was mean to me. He came in to work early today 5 am and when I used to live there I would wake up with him at 4 and fix his lunch and stay away with him until he left. He didn't appreciate me at all, I used to give this guy pedicures. My sister tells me I'm dumb it should be him doing that to me. Go figure... how do I stop the guilt trips?? the what if I would have texted him back on Friday??

[talaniman]

Emotional upheaval at this stage of the game is normal, and you will feel many things, including anger, once you have thought about the things that led you to this point.

You need to feel all these emotions at this time, without his influence. If you can go a week without talking to him, you will learn much about yourself and may begin to figure out why the hell you put up with his crap for so long, and did NOTHING, to protect yourself!

[Just Looking]

..how do I stop the guilt trips???the what if I would have texted him back on Friday???

You stop the guilt trips by giving yourself time and continuing to do what you are doing. You were with him for a number of years and he knows how to make you feel guilty, plus you are conditioned to respond to him. The longer you are away from him the more you will understand this was not a healthy relationship and you will realize even more so how poorly he treated you. Continue to stay strong. Continue to talk to your family and listen to what they are saying. They love you. He says he loves you - but I doubt he really knows how to love someone at this time. Continue to post here when you feel weak or confused. Continue to read what you have written and the responses. Give it time. Avoid the things you can that make you think of him. When your mind wanders back to him, find someone to talk to, read this board (there are lots of helpful threads), or do something to keep busy. Take it day by day, and over time it becomes easier. Good luck.

[ladycbigdiva]

My young sister take it from and older woman(now 52) who has been there done that. Usually the man who kicks out accusations does it as a cover up, he throws up this big smoke screen because he is the one who is cheating himself or the flip side of that coin is that he is either so jealous and insecure, which usually upgrades from verbal violence to physical violence. Either way you deserve better and there is something better out there for you. In the words of Fantasia " Free Yourself".