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daybyday · Oct 26, 2006, 08:32 AM

For 2 years now I have been dating(on and off) this guy I feel madly in love with, the first time we met. He had issues in the begginning with getting over his first love, and concentrating on our relationship. A year after being together, we broke up due to his drug use with cocaine, and him cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. We stayed apart for 3 months, and in that time I found a new boyfriend, and was actually really happy. Besides the occasional melt down of missing my first love. The day after my 20th birthday my ex called me wishing me a happy birthday and asked if we could meet for lunch. I agreed and from that day on we were together again. Things went well for a while, than the old behaviors of blowing me off for his mother, and the attitudes all the time began again. I stuck through all of his emotional and mental abuse I guess you would call it for another 7 months. We even tried living together, and I ended up moving out a month after moving in with him. NOt an easy thing to do though, I had to call on my parents for help, and our local police department to get my car back which he had stollen the night before. We stopped talking due to a restraining order for a week. He got back in touch with me complaining of have no dog food for the dog, and no food for himself. Being the person I am I couldn't let that happen, so I dropped the restraining order, and got back with him. We were together for 2 months and out of those two months I was happy maybe 2 weeks at the most. 4 days ago I had finally had enough and left him for good this time. He was back into the drugs with his mom, and blowing me off again. But this time its not the missing him that is making me go nuts, it's the guilt I have with leaving him to tend to the dog( he won't unless convienent for him) and the guilt of how he is going to make it with out rides, money and dinners frequently at my moms house. I provided him with a lot. And I took it away from him. Why do I feel this guilt, when I was the one that suffered for 2 years, not him? Melanie

flymomma · Oct 26, 2006, 08:58 AM

Hi Melanie,

In my opinion, you should move on from this guy. And then seek some help for yourself. Alanon, Nar-Anon, perhaps.

When one is involved with a person who is using drugs, our personality changes to fit with this crazy lifestyle. And we kind of become addicted to the chaos. It becomes comfortable and we kind of miss it, in a twisted sort of way, when it's gone.

We invite the chaos back into our lives. And then blame the addict when we're miserable. I speak from a little bit of experience.

There's usually something in our own history that draws us to people who need fixing. And the only person that we can change is ourself.

Oh, and can you get the dog? If not and you're truly concerned about it's welfare, call animal control. Pets rely on us for their care and we have no right to victimize them.

Best of luck to you! I hope this was helpful in some way.
Take care!
Leah

Wildcat21 · Oct 26, 2006, 09:11 AM

Oh my god! Run!! Mental abuse. He has no money. Run!!

Restraining order? Run!

Feeling guilty is no relationship!

Wildcat21 · Oct 26, 2006, 10:11 AM

You're way beter off. I agree - you need to see a counselour.

I think you had dependincy on this person.

talaniman · Oct 26, 2006, 11:37 AM

After what you've been through, I think you did well to come away with your sanity.Let him catch hell on his own for you can do nothing until he wants to change . Protect yourself and leave the guilt alone . You are not abandoning him your getting away from a dangerous deluded person who can do great harm to those around him and himself, and will if you let him. Get rid of the guilt and stay away from him.