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    samwell's Avatar
    samwell Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 28, 2009, 05:48 AM
    I hate my mother
    My mother:
    Cheated on my dad with my best friends dad when I was around 7/8,
    and was supposed to leave me Dad for him, however they got back together.
    Things seemed okay for a while after that.

    Whilst I was around 13, my mother was cheating on my Dad who at that point worked nights, all the time. I don't know whether it was with multiple men, or the same one or two, but it was definatley happening. I once went downstairs to get a drink, for my mum to rush to the door of the living room in her dressing gown, blocking view from inside the living room, and told me to go back to bed.
    Another night, it must have been a few weeks later, I went into the living room, and she, her best friend, a random man, and my old best friends Dad were sat in there, and they were all possibly drunk, and my mum said "Do you want a chinese sam, lets go to the chinese."
    So we walked to the chinese takeaway down the road, just me and her, leaving the other 3 at home, and she said "you know you can't tell your dad about that", I asked why, and she said because I wouldn't be able to get any christmas presents otherwise, as if I were a 4 year old with no conception of what she was doing.

    A few weeks later, I believe the last 2, and this incident occurred during the summer holidays, I walked downstairs quietly, entered the living room, and saw what I can only remember as two naked bodies on the sofa, and a collection of sex toys on the side of the sofa. The man was not my Dad, that is all I know.

    I am 18 years old, and have not told my Dad to this very day.

    Whilst I was around 15/16, just before my GCSE's, my mum had started going on Chat rooms. She made me make her MSN address, and teach her how to use the computer because she didn't know how to. She was talking on chat rooms, adding random men on msn, right outside my bedroom door where my computer was situated. I used to walk past whilst she had gone off and left her conversations up, and read what had been said.
    One quote was "Do you like Asian men?" "Well, they tend to be more demanding, but thats not necessarily a bad thing". She used to talk to many, and one time she ended up adding a boy I instantly recognized as somebody in the year below me, who had told her he was 31. As I told her, I said to her, "See, you dont know who your talking to. Promise me youll never go and meet anyone of these". She promised me. She swore on my life.

    She met one of them the day after, id read her texts, "it was lovely meeting you today. Steve. X", one of the men she'd been talking to. I told her I was going to tell dad. I walked downstairs, and as I did so, she grabbed my arm, and started pleading, I said "no, you swore on our life", so she strangled me against a wall, and called me a selfish little brat, I pushed her over, she fell on the stairs, and I stormed out of the house.

    about 6 months later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have met some of her friends, who I believe are amazing people, there was a lady who was dying, only 34 years old, she has one eye, a wig, and yet she still looks like a confident young woman, because she does nothing but smile.

    My mum on the other hand just sucked in everything,
    She openly told my twelve year old brother, "I might die ben" EVERY time she had to go to the doctors for even a check up, every time, shed gather all of us around the table, and tell us, her sons, her children, her 12 year old boy, all of the gruesome details. She didn't die, and she's okay now.

    She's the most selfish person I've ever known.
    She's constantly screaming, literally full force screaming, for stupid things like she can't find the garlic, or I'm using the hoover for my room. A minute ago she was going through my letters left on my drawers, I told her to stop going through my mail, she started SCREAMING, " if you dont like it, you know what you can do, off ".

    There was a period a few weeks ago where she had gone away for a week to visit family, during this week, me, my brother and dad have never been so happy.

    there's a lot more to it, but I won't over do it.

    Every I see her, I wish her cancer would have killed her, I'm so close to literally knocking her out these days, it scares even me, I have dreams where I'm punching her face in, and it pleases me, this anti-relationship with my mum is not normal, and I don't know what to do.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #2

    Aug 28, 2009, 12:05 PM

    I have that sort of relationship with my mother. She's a horrible person as well. I got emancipated when I was 15, and never talked to her again.

    You're 18, move out. Start making your own choices.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #3

    Aug 28, 2009, 12:11 PM
    I would talk to your Dad, maybe he has thought for all this time that he was preventing you from disfunction by keeping your family intact.
    Be ready to move out and get out of the grey cloud you have for a mother.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Aug 28, 2009, 12:14 PM

    I bet your father knows... you should talk to him about this.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #5

    Aug 28, 2009, 12:25 PM

    Do not hit her.

    But you do need to get away from her and start healing yourself. I think you are inevitably going to feel hostility to other women in your life in the future. This is something you will need to address in yourself, so that you can have normal loving relationships. But right now, you need to be away from her. Is there a grandparent you could live with? An aunt and uncle? Parents of friends?

    I do think you should talk to your father. This environment can't be good for your brother either--or your father for that matter. Something needs to change.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #6

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:17 PM
    It must be horrible to not be able to trust, or love, your mother. A mother/son bond should be special and loving, not based on lies, threats, and secrets. But your're 18 now, and probably need to stick it out a little while longer. What are your plans? Are you going to college? I hope you do, as it will help you have the career you want. I would go for a ride with your father and let him know the truth. As someone mentioned, he may very well know already, but then again, he may not. The last thing you want to do is strike your mother. It would make you out to be the bad guy, and it's never OK to hit ladies, never. By telling your father the truth, you will be getting the sweet revenge you need, and letting a good man know his unfaithful wife's true ways. Make an exit plan on getting out of the house. I wish you the best
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #7

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:28 PM

    Actually, it's not okay to hit anyone (unless you have agreed before hand to a physical fight, as in boxing).
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #8

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    Actually, it's not okay to hit anyone (unless you have agreed before hand to a physical fight, as in boxing).
    Or in self defense of course. My point was to never hit a female.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #9

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:36 PM

    Why just women?
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #10

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by asking View Post
    Why just women?
    There may be an instance where a man has to hit another man, like I said in self defense. But there is NEVER a time when a man should hit a woman. It's the way I was raised, and should be the way ALL men think. It can't be that hard to understand.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #11

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:49 PM

    As the others have stated you need to distance yourself from her as much as possible before you do something you regret.Or something that would land you in jail.

    She has lead a very self destructive life and sounds like a desperate and confused person always seeking ways to find happiness.

    I am sorry that you had to miss a bond that is very beautiful and important for a child .Never blame yourself for her lack of parenting skills and know that even if she is incapable of loving you ,you are worthy of love.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #12

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:49 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jmjoseph View Post
    There may be an instance where a man has to hit another man, like I said in self defense. But there is NEVER a time when a man should hit a woman. It's the way I was raised, and should be the way ALL men think. It can't be that hard to understand.
    Well it appears in Asking POV, he was raised that you should never hit anyone.
    That would be above even your philsophy...
    That can't be hard to understand either.
    ohsohappy's Avatar
    ohsohappy Posts: 1,564, Reputation: 314
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    #13

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:53 PM

    Wow, Your mom had absolutely no morals, values, or anything. She doesn't care at all about anyone else but herself. DEFINITELY tell your dad. And then, leave. Never talk to that HORRIBLE woman again. THe thought of all of her selfish, disgusting behavior makes me sick.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #14

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Justwantfair View Post
    Well it appears in Asking POV, he was raised that you should never hit anyone.
    That would be above even your philsophy...
    That can't be hard to understand either.
    Someone breaks into your house and attacks a family member... self defense. Are we arguing about this? My next question is WHY?
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #15

    Aug 28, 2009, 01:57 PM
    asking agrees: Exactly. Never hit anyone except to defend yourself from injury or death. If you can walk away, walk away.

    THIS is my point. Give me a break.
    reece123's Avatar
    reece123 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Sep 6, 2009, 03:55 PM

    Hey sam,
    I am so sorry for your pain sam:(the best thing is to get moved out as soon as possible,start slow like find you a small job ,doesn't even have to be full time,and you will meet new people and take your mind off your troubles at home,and then work on getting you another place,and as far as telling your father,find another important male figure in your life maybe and uncle or someone you trust not to tell and see what they would advise about telling the dad,I wish you the best sounds like you have had a rough childhood but yay!! Your 18 now:) focus on your life and if nothing else pray for them outside of the home in your new place. Hope this helps
    nightmare2bad's Avatar
    nightmare2bad Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Sep 7, 2009, 04:15 PM

    I am guessing you don't want to leave because you do not want to leave your brother or father. I would suggest talking with your father and see if he is as unhappy as you are. It does sound like ALL of you need to get away from her. Does your father know how you feel? It might be that he is keeping the family together because he believes it is the best way. You mother also might need medication for mental illiness if you want to go down that long road. Just remember to keep control of yourself and not act like she does.
    melindaj2's Avatar
    melindaj2 Posts: 34, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Sep 19, 2009, 07:14 PM

    Hi there,
    I am sorry to hear that you went through this. Parents do make mistakes - my parents made many. I know I've made some in my past but I made sure I would stop the vicious cycle with me by going to parenting classes and counseling. I suggest that you get professional help to help you through all the emotions now before it gets out of hand. Making the first step by asking for help tells me that you've had a harsh life and do not want any part of it. When going to counseling you might not click with that particular counselor so keep searching if that is the case. I know I have damaged my daughter emotionally and I see it now that she is married and it is hard and hurts me. We have a good relationship now but not all parents are willing to recover, apologize, & help. Don't look for that,; it does help but is best to forgive them and move on. You can do this on your own. It work for me. Lots of blessing you did nothing wrong just protect yourself.

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