Check out some similar questions!

rockerchick_682 · Aug 27, 2009, 05:51 PM

I had a huge fight with my stepmom on Tuesday. I was studying in the living room when she came home from taking our dog on a walk. We talked for a bit about how some dog had approached our dog and it was a nice conversation. She went to sit down at the computer and I requested that she not turn the TV on because the day before I was studying and she turned the TV on and it was distracting. She got defensive about it and said, "does it look like the tv is on? I didn't even try to turn it on." So I said, "Well that's a little hypocritical considering a few weeks ago you had told me and 'my sister' that you were tired of the tv being on and to turn it off." She continued to tell me that the TV wasn't on and I was being disrespectful by saying that. She also said that if I wanted to study that I could go to the basement. I chose to study upstairs because I wanted to be somewhere with natural light and I'm tired of being confined to the basement alone. Also, I wasn't going to be in that space too long. I stopped talking and continued to study; I wanted to get some homework done and I had class in a half an hour (I closed at work the night before, that's why I was studying in the morning). Then she decided that she needed to vacuum and be very loud; she knew that I had class soon. I was very angry but I didn't say anything and continued to work. I noticed that she had moved some of my things around which drives me crazy. Things like leaving my purse on the table after school or work, or leaving my shoes out under the coffee table. I've been forgetting more lately, but I've been very busy. I'm in school full time (with hard classes like organic chem, physics, etc.) and I also work part time to help pay for books. So when I get home, sometimes I forget to put my shoes downstairs. I wouldn't be so irritated about it if she asked me to pick them up, but she'll just throw my shoes down the stairs or put all my stuff in a pile by them. I understand that she doesn't want all my stuff laying around, but these are just everyday things. A contract from work that I forgot to file, or my work shoes, or my backpack from school. They leave their things out too. She also gets irritated when I leave a straw in a cup or let milk dry at the bottom, which I rarely do and I do my share of chores. Anyway, being irritated by the vacuum thing, I took her shoes that were out and tossed them down the hallway. After I had done that I went downstairs to get some more stuff together, and then I hear, "I'm not going to be disrespected like this, get your "crap" (she said the worse one) together, you're going to be out by tonight, I'm calling your dad." After that we yelled at each other for a bit, more yelled over each other. At one point I said I wanted to talk and she said I'm not talking to you and slammed doors on the way to her bedroom. She called my dad and twisted things around. She said that I had screamed at her first and that I threw her shoes at the wall. So of course my dad called me and told me I had to be out by that night. My dad came home from work and we talked for hours. He doesn't believe me about my point of view. I've decided that I'm going to find my own apartment. He says that neither of them want me to move out, which I don't believe. So once again she wins and gets to sit around the house without a job and I get to figure out where I'm going to live while going to school and working. I really need opinions.

N0help4u · Aug 27, 2009, 06:03 PM

The only solution I can think of is can you go to school early and study in the Library or something.
Have you and her always had a strained relationship?
I am thinking that maybe she resents you and uses passive aggressive anger to take things out on you.

rockerchick_682 · Aug 27, 2009, 06:12 PM

No, we haven't, it's just been little things adding up. She's very judging. I'll be talking to her about my friend meeting a new guy and she'll say something like, "Well why don't you have a boyfriend." Or I'll be talking about balancing school with social life and she'll say, "you really don't do much, when I was your age I talked to sooo many people, I was always at someones house." She also believes that my brother "hates" her and that he judges her all the time. He's never said anything close to that and he's just mirroring her humor. On Facebook she put that she had had one too many beers. So he made a comment like, "it's nice to know that my stepmom drinks so much lol." Instead of talking to him about it she blocked him from Facebook and said that he judges her all the time. I know my brother, he's not what she claims he is.

When they went on vacation, she left the coffee in the pot and I didn't notice for a long time because I don't drink coffee. I cleaned it out anyway, but instead of getting a thank you she said, "well you didn't clean out the filter."

N0help4u · Aug 27, 2009, 06:16 PM

Moms can be like that. When I was in high school I would clean the entire house top to bottom. My mom would come home and only say why did you leave that dirty glass on the counter?

rockerchick_682 · Aug 27, 2009, 06:20 PM

Yeah, that's true. I guess since I'm moving out it doesn't matter anymore, but I'm tired of her talking about me. Her sister emailed me on Facebook today and told me off.

N0help4u · Aug 27, 2009, 06:21 PM

I think the less you let her know your business the better off you will be.

simoneaugie · Aug 27, 2009, 06:31 PM

Don't move out unless you absolutely have to. With work and school running you, paying for an apartment isn't the best idea right now.

It sounds like she has issues other than you going on. But, rather than dealing with the real trouble, gets irritated with you guys.

Leaving your stuff out seems to really bother her. I felt that way about my daughter before she moved out. When I piled her leavings at her bedroom door, I was so fed up with the fact that no matter how many times I said something, she kept doing it. So, don't leave anything out. Pick up after your brother, sister and dad if needed.

Help out more than you're asked to. Ten minutes a day of unsolicited help can do wonders for your relationship with your step-mom. Whenever you are irritated by her judgement, remember that you are reacting to your own views of judgement.

We dislike that in others, which we dislike about ourselves. So, be bigger than her. Don't rub her shortcomings in her face; be better than that. Life is not a contest of who is more important. It's a challenge, to be the best you can be.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 27, 2009, 06:44 PM

If one of my kids were in the front room studying, and I wanted the TV on, it would go on, sorry but you are not in a private area there. And parents have the say in the house.

Sorry I would go with being disrespectful to her and you need to consider your actions closer

J_9 · Aug 27, 2009, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

If one of my kids were in the front room studing, and I wanted the TV on, it would go on, sorry but you are not in a private area there. And parents have the say in the house.

Sorry I would go with being disrespectful to her and you need to consider your actions closer

I have to respectfully disagree. Studies come first. If my child is studying and the television is distracting, I go elsewhere and do other "busy work."

Education is VERY important to me and I am willing to go to all ends to make sure that my children are highly educated.

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

If one of my kids were in the front room studing, and I wanted the TV on, it would go on,

Sorry if this sounds rude Chuck... But this is plain selfishness. Wouldn't you rather have the TV off for an hour or so and have your child succeed? Or would you rather indulge in your television and have your child fail?

ilyas_r_ahmed · Sep 10, 2012, 08:00 AM

I believe there are other things going on in your step mom's lives.

I find sometimes talking to the ones you love in person is difficult due to various emotions.

So I find writing down things helps out a lot. It allows to clearly structure your thoughts and lets you vent rationally and logically.

Then I would print it, put it in an envelope, maybe with a small token of love (cookie, rose, etc) and hand it to the person (in your case step mom and dad).

This technique should work wonders with your pops. It should make him realize how you feel.

Lifes not fair. I know it best! But you can't lose hope on humanity. I'm sure your dad loves you! Everyone makes mistakes.

The way your step moms story was conveyed to him convinced him you were in the wrong. However with a letter and some love, and more so Time... he would realize it's not about right or wrong, but about trying to make things work out for all parties involved.

I wish you the best of luck. God bless!