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dwb79 · Aug 25, 2009, 06:55 PM

:confused:My 7 year old daughter steals, lies, hurts her brothers and sister and just does not listen to anything you have to say. We have tried to work with her but it does not seem to help with anything that we do. She will laugh at you when you are trying to tell her to do something. We don't want to give up on her but we don't know of anything else that we can do. She will also hurt aminals and she don't think twice about it. I'm trying to find a boot camp that maybe can help with her. Because we have tried everything with her and it don't seem to work at all. We love our child and just want the best for her we can't trust her if you turn your back she will steal from you if we take her somewhere she will steal from there. I can't take her to the store she will steal from there and laugh about it. Is there anyone that can help try to anwer my Question. Is there a boot camp that will take a 7 year old??

danielnoahsmommy · Aug 25, 2009, 06:59 PM

SHE DOES NOT NEED A BOOT CAMP she needs a psychiatrist. Hurting animals stealing etc. She has too many problems for any bootcamp too help. One would have to recognize right from wrong, and I don't think she would know the difference!

N0help4u · Aug 25, 2009, 09:17 PM

I think the boot camps are more for teenagers that are out of control. I have never heard of any for grade school age kids.

dwb79 · Aug 26, 2009, 06:31 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

SHE DOES NOT NEED A BOOT CAMP she needs a psychiatrist. hurting animals stealing etc. She has too many problems for any bootcamp too help. one would have to recognize right from wrong, and I don't think she would know the difference!

I have taken her to see one and they say there is nothing wrong with her that she is just a child. No one is wanting to help me anwer what is wrong with her.

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 06:34 PM

Take her to a better shrink. It sounds like she just behaved herself when meeting with the other one. It will take awhile for her to feel comfortable enough around one to act like herself. There may also be a therapist in the area who has an observation room where the shrink sits on the other side of a two-way mirror and observes the way the child interacts with the parent.

To me it sounds like she has a lack of discipline in her life. What do you do when she misbehaves? Is it the same thing every time? Do you stick with long-term punishments, like grounding?

danielnoahsmommy · Aug 26, 2009, 06:54 PM

For the simple fact she wilingly hurts animals is a clear sign she has a "mental ilness" most classic serial killers ex jeffery dahmer(sp?) started this way. Not to say she will become one.

Find her more help you must be your child's advocate! You cannot stop until she gets the help she needs. In the meantime don't get pets and very closley supervise your child when around other children. Leave her home when you go shopping to avoid her stealing.

Alty · Aug 26, 2009, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by dwb79

i have taken her to see one and they say there is nothing wrong with her that she is just a child. No one is wanting to help me anwer what is wrong with her.?

Then get a second opinion, a third opinion, then a fourth.

You're her parent, you have to make sure she gets the help she needs.

Boot camp for a 7 year old, I don't think so.

Something is going on with this child and it needs to be addressed.

azdesertchick · Aug 27, 2009, 01:19 AM

Originally Posted by dwb79

i have taken her to see one and they say there is nothing wrong with her that she is just a child. No one is wanting to help me anwer what is wrong with her.?

I can't believe any therapist/counselor/psychiatrist would say its normal for a 7yr old to hurt animals and steal from anyone and stores. You definitely need to take her to a different one then!:eek:

Jake2008 · Aug 27, 2009, 01:50 AM

It is ridiculous to suggest that this child does not have serious mental health issues. It is also ridiculous for you to suggest that boot camp for a 7 year old is appropriate.

You say you have tried everything. What exactly have you tried. If the psychiatrist is saying there is nothing wrong with her, perhaps he is thinking that there are severe problems within the family that have to be addressed, and that is what is causing her behaviour. How long ago did she see the psychiatrist?

Something traumatic has happened for her to abuse animals. It is NOT normal behaviour for a 7 year old, and is a big red flag.

I don't understand how you go from 'trying everything' to help her, to boot camp. There is a huge gap there.

You don't have the luxury of passing this problem on, it is your obligation as a parent to deal with it.

If you don't get a grip on this now, you will likely not only experience more heartache, but she will not get the help she needs, and delaying that, will affect her development.

dwb79 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

take her to a better shrink. it sounds like she just behaved herself when meeting with the other one. it will take awhile for her to feel comfortable enough around one to act like herself. there may also be a therapist in the area who has an observation room where the shrink sits on the other side of a two-way mirror and observes the way the child interacts with the parent.

to me it sounds like she has a lack of discipline in her life. what do you do when she misbehaves? is it the same thing every time? do you stick with long-term punishments, like grounding?

We have tried everything with her. When we spank her she will turn and look at you and laugh we have try taking her toys, tried putting her in a corner we have try everything and nothing works

dwb79 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

for the simple fact she wilingly hurts animals is a clear sign she has a "mental ilness" most classic serial killers ex jeffery dahmer(sp?) started out this way. not to say she will become one.

find her more help you must be your childs advocate! you cannot stop until she gets the help she needs. in the meantime don't get pets and very closley supervise your child when around other children. leave her home when you go shopping to avoid her stealing.

I understand that. But I can't leave a 7 year old at home no one will watch her because of how she acts..

hheath541 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:44 PM

How do you discipline her?

dwb79 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:45 PM

I have taken her to 3 different doctors and they all say the same thing (theres nothing worng with this child) Nothing has happened to her for her to act this way she has been acting this way since she was 2 years old? I have tried everything.. the family doctor is the one who said that she might need boot camp. I'm not giving up on my child I love my child no matter how she acts. But when you have tried everything it runs thought your mind what else can I do for her. She just went to the last shink about a mouth ago and I have tried to get another shink to see her but they all say the same thing (theres nothing wrong with her).

dwb79 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:47 PM

We put her in the corner, spank her, take her toys, ground her, what else can I do..

Alty · Aug 28, 2009, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by dwb79

we have tryed everything with her. When we spank her she will turn and look at you and laugh we have try taking her toys, tryed putting her in a corner we have try everything and nothing works

You say you've tried everything, give me a list of the things you've tried, I guarantee you haven't tried everything.

This child needs help and she needs it yesterday.

If she laughs when you spank her, doesn't care if you take her toys away, hurts animals, steals etc. then it's very obvious that she has a severe problem. She obviously doesn't feel remorse for the things she does, if this isn't addressed properly it will only get worse.

Lack of empathy, lack of remorse, this is scary stuff.

Like I said before, find a different doctor, keep going until you find someone that will help.

Alty · Aug 28, 2009, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by dwb79

we put her in the corner, spank her, take her toys, ground her, what else can i do..

Stop doing the things that don't work and find something that does.

We can't diagnose your child here, we can only give you suggestions, it's up to you to decide what you will and won't do.

She needs more help then anyone on this site can give her. She needs more help then you alone can give her. A professional child psychologist needs to get involved before this gets even worse.

I can't say it enough. She needs help.

hheath541 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by dwb79

we put her in the corner, spank her, take her toys, ground her, what else can i do..

Do you use the same punishment every time? Do you follow through on groundings or just give in when she complains and throws a fit.

As for stealing; embarrass her in the store. Before you leave the store, but after you check out and are away from anything she might snag on the way out, make her empty all her pockets. If she refuses or doesn't do so properly, then you go through them yourself. If you find that she's still managed to steal something you drag her back into the store, take her to service desk, give back whatever she stole, and make her apologize.

If that STILL doesn't work you can talk to store security and have THEM talk to her. Have them take her back to the security office and explain what happens to people who get caught shoplifting. If THAT doesn't work, get the cops in on it.

Your area police should be willing to scare her. Have them handcuff her, put her in the back of a police car, and drive her down to the police station to talk to her. Then they'll bring her back home, still in the back of the police car.

Before you think I'm overreacting, the same tactics were used with my brother when he was that age.

Jake2008 · Aug 28, 2009, 09:02 PM

I think it is enough to say that whatever you have tried, is not addressing the problems that are causing the behaviour.

A kid who misbehaves once in a while and gets a swat on the bum, or their toys taken away is appropriate.

Your daughter's behaviour is beyond that, she is hurting inside, and expressing herself outside, to such an extreme degree that she willingly inflicts pain on helpless animals is, as I said before, a big red flag. Something is seriously wrong here.

You say you have been to psychiatrists, and it sounds like they do an observation, and then decide if a diagnosis/treatment is necessary. Not many Psychiatrists are in private practise today.

It is hard to accept that you believe the only alternative is boot camp which is a desperate thought to a quick solution for your daughter.

Please continue to speak to professionals in the field of child care/management and that offer parental support and guidance in dealing with a difficult child.

I don't know where you live, I know the resources in my area. You need to dig, make phone calls and appointments, and get her the help she needs.

Good luck to you. I really feel sorry for this 7 year old, and I hope she gets the help she needs.

artlady · Aug 28, 2009, 09:40 PM

I had a very challenging child,who had boundless energy to the point that he was tested for hyperactivity.

I know the challenges with a child who is strong willed.

You have been overwhelmed since she was two.That is too young.She cried and I bet you gave into her,always.

That is a reflection on your parenting.

I believe you love you daughter but I also believe you never knew how to be a effective disciplinarian.

I suspect that you did not have solid parenting skills when you had her.
Maybe you never learned them but now ,until you can get help,there are some things you must do.

I would stop spanking,it often makes children more aggressive.Its a short term solution that works on toddlers mostly.

I would make a chart and when she is behaving she gets stars or whatever she like ,stickers of her favorite character.

Sit down and say we are going to make a chart just for you.When you do (insert behaviors you want to see),you get a star"
When you get 5 you get a surprise.

A child that age would be happy with a little figurine from the dollar store.

If you are naughty,you get a star taken away.

Make SURE she knows exactly what the rules are.She also has to be told,if you hit your brother ,you will go to bed an hour early.
If you fuss about it you will have no tv the next day.

Its all about following through.Making the rules clear and sticking to your guns about consequence's.

Repetition and consistency are the keys to discipline.

You have to give lots of positive reinforcement.When ever she is being calm and playing nicely ,praise her"your playing so nicely,Im proud of you". Look for opportunities to give her praise!

Kids will be bad just for attention.Give attention for good behavior and they will want that more.

Consistency and they must know the rules and you need to enforce them calmly and with the knowledge that you are the parent!

danielnoahsmommy · Aug 29, 2009, 01:33 AM

Your doctors were quacks find another. Any doctor who sugggests that a child who injures animals and children is normal bad behavior needs a doctor himself. It is not normal and If you let this go it will be your own fault. It is not normal by any means.

As far as spanking... I don't believe in it. It teaches it is OK to hit to get your point accros. This is NOT why your child is not bhaving. Something else is going on with her and I am sure there is oast history you are not telling us!