[LisaDL]

Hi, I live in Georgia with my husband and his two grown children (ages 22 and 19) for the last 10 years. The 19 year old is into drugs and drinking and is constantly laying out of work (if she even has a job) and bringing her drug friends into our home when we are not there. There is evidence she has used drugs in our home. She is abusive (yes it has gotten physical) and is just a very mean person. She continuously disobeys the rules of our home. In general, she is disrespectful and hateful, and I could go on an on. She is constantly calling me names, having phone calls at all hours of the night, stealing my things, and leaving a mess for others to clean up. Some of this I can put up with (though I don't want to), but I draw the line at drugs in my home. I have told her numerous times that if she cannot live by our rules she needs to find another place to live. She just laughs and says I cannot throw her out. What can I do? I would like to have her legally and permanently removed from our home.

Please advise.

Thank you,
Lisa

[Sentra]

Eh, yes you can throw her out, I believe. She is over 18 but still enjoying the freedoms at home. Sounds like you need to roll up the 'mom' sleeves and make her see things from your side. If you do anything to enable her behavior (for example, clean up after her or do any of domestics) then stop, immediately. Question: Does your husband put up with this?

[J_9]

Ah, but this is the husbands daughter correct? He is the one that should be doing the "dirty work."

[LisaDL]

Yes, this is my husband's daughter. I have been trying for years to make her see things from my side, but she refuses to listen. I believe a lot of what she does is done purposefully because she feels I have no say in the house. After 10 years I am still considered an outsider in her eyes. We recently moved into a new home and I don't want it to be treated like the old home. We purposefully downsized from a 6,000 sq ft home to a 3,000 sq ft home so she and her friends wouldn't have anywhere to "hide" or "hang out." I refuse to clean up after her. To say her room is a pig-sty is an understatement. I get "some" support from my husband, but even after all these years he feels guilt from how his kids were treated in his previous marriage (their mom). The mom was/is an alcoholic and drug-addict, so this kids didn't have much of a chance from the start. I allowed that to be used as an excuse for their behavior for many years, but stopped about 3-years ago. My stepson has "got with the program" and is very respectful, sweet, and does his part around the house. He plays by the rules. On the other hand, by stepdaughter goes out of the way to make life miserable. She is a miserable person and wants everyone around her to be the same way. I just want her and her drug friends to go away, and the only way I know to make that happen is to have her legally removed from our home. My husband will agree as long as I am the one doing the dirty work, which I don't mind. The result will be the same - she will be gone. Hopefully, this will open her eyes, she will wake up, and become the responsible young lady I hope she can be (some day). If it takes TOUGH LOVE for this one, then I'm there to give it! Thank you for your responses... Lisa

[AMiller]

I have been burdened with the exact problem for over 20 years. I was able to rid myself of this parasite at the sweet, innocent age of 28.

The father is not well and depends on me for his care. I am the only one working, cooking, cleaning or washing the laundry. I finally told her father that he could choose his partner for the balance of his life. It will be her or me. The step-daughter is no longer even allowed in the house.

Take action soon or this could go on for years.

[Fr_Chuck]

Been there, in south east GA before, I put his clothes in trash bags on the porch, and changed all the locks, when he could not get into the house, he finally got the message.

I did not have to call the police for him coming back but would have if I had to.

[RichardBondMan]

Her actions, behavior indicates she has a serious problem which you are apparently aware of, why not try to get her treatment and don't forget counseling for yourself and the stepdaughters father - it will help you deal with the issues that are affecting you too.

[J_9]

Yes, this is my husband's daughter. I have been trying for years to make her see things from my side, but she refuses to listen.

I have seen this so many times. It is not your place to make her listen to you. It is her father's place to make her listen to him.

Try and look at it this way...

They are blood. He is her father, and in her mind you are the intruder. In her mind you are "taking the place of" her mother. That is always bound to end in arguments.

When it comes to blended families it is always better for the "newcomer" (you) to be more of a friend to the child (daughter in this case). Once you begin being the rule maker and the enforcer, then you become the bad guy.

The blood relative is the one in blended families who should be the disciplinarian unless you two have been together since her infancy.

I understand you have been trying for "years to make her see things from my side," but she is not going to. You are not her parent. Her father is and so is her birth mother.

I don't know how old she was when you got together, but if she was over the age of about 6 you will always remain "the bad guy." All children, no matter what age, try almost every tactic in the world to get their parents back together. So she is going to do what she can to drive you apart.

You have to get on her good side. Be her confidant, be her friend, be her mentor. But by all means, do not be her disciplinarian.

[s_cianci]

Contact the sheriff's office and have her served with a notice of eviction. That'll give her probably 30 days, then she's out. Then change the locks and put her things out on the curb.

[teenam1111]

Pack her bags and change the locks . She's an adult . Leave her a note that she's not to come back on the property . If she does you will take legal action against her. With her being a drug user she may take her things and run!! Also tell her that you have your neighbors on the "look out" if you will . That if they see her around your house for them to call the police immediately . If she doesn't know the law . And is ignorant to that . Then she may just move on . Becaue eventually down the line . What will happen someone will overdose in your home , your home could become burgalarized , or the police could come an seize YOUR property... because of her... Be tough . Let her know that you do hope she will get help . Oh you could order her into drug rehab . And hope that will work .

[Ace High]

If you get the chance, I would get photos if possible of her drug use. Photos are hard to dispute, then she will know you can be serious. Also be obvious about taking photos of her friends, they may not want their photos available to the cops. Make sure they see you take photos of their cars with license plates. If they are shopping for drugs, then they may be aware that a lot of "drug places" may be "marked" and a lot of cars are photo'd at such locations. The friends of your "daughter" may not be happy to have photos of their cars that may be used as evidence of them being present at local drug locations. I also would make sure to "clean" your daughters room and photo anything I find. As long as she is in YOUR house she had no right to privacy as far as I know. If she wants privacy, she can move out. Any drug I find, would be promptly deposited into the toilet and flushed. I would make myself as unpleasant to be around as possible. As a 1st resort though, I would have to tell my husband that I was staying at a hotel/motel till he removed his grown daughter. And then take out cash from his account, or your joint account and stay at a hotel that he would not guess to look at for at least a month. Then see if that accomplished anything. The break may be good for you. -- it may show whether you could count on your husband to make the push that needs to be done. This is his daughter -- he should be the one pushing ---- Ace

[Angelikat]

Hi! I am in the same situation w/my 18 yr. old son. I have to evict him but dan't find out how to do so if I am not the landlord just a tenant in the same home. Did you find out any legal rules for your situation? If so please write ASAP! My situation has become very dangerous.
Thanks! Angelikat

[dreemr57]

State of Georgia Landlord Tenant Law
Official Code 44-7
The Statutes posted are current through the 2001 Regular Session of the General Assembly. However, the Statutes posted from the 2001 Regular Session may not yet be in effect. Users of this service should note that the effective date of the Statutes are not listed on this service and are advised to verify the effective date of any Statutes posted on this Web Site. Any person or entity who relies on information obtained solely from this Site does so at his or her own risk.

44-7-7.

Sixty days' notice from the landlord or 30 days' notice from the
Tenant is necessary to terminate a tenancy at will
Go to this website: Georgia Eviction Law
Or use a professional cival eviction company --
Eviction Services -- Cobb County Sheriff's Office, Marietta Georgia
Look at the list of professional eviction companies that can help you fill out the forms and walk you through the steps..
Good luck

[wynelle]

Is your husband aware that the daughter's drug use in the home constitutes approval and/or permission of the homeowner? And that in Georgia, is grounds for the state to confiscate the property?

Is he ready to lose the home? And any vehicles she uses?

Your husband (not you) needs to offer drug rehab. If she refuses, he needs to tell her that he will be photographing all vehicles parked in front of the house, that she is not allowed to have friends in the house, and that the locks have been changed and she is only allowed in the house when he is physically present. That she must be in the home by 11pm, and up and out when he leaves for work. Period. End of discussion. ANd he then must practice tough love and make ithappen.

But it sounds like he won't do it. So you may as well pack up anything you don't want to lose and take it with you to your new apartment.

[dreemr57]

Also.. I have another suggestion.. I used immediately work on a restraining order.you have grounds for a perfect case... I know that's going to be tough to throw out your own child.. but.. just explain to her, you are closing down your home to her , and will open up your heart, and when in a few years, she's shows you to be a productive citizen and loving daughter respectful of your wishes, she maybe be welcome back in your home( use.. with extreme caution, I learned my lession twice around) good luck

[wakjak]

OMG This sound exactly like my 18 year old daughter. She has been a terror and nasty since she was a child and put so much stress on my marriage that we finally separated after 20 years.

Last year she was living with a friend for 6 months so she could go to a special school for kids about to drop out. After I separated, I moved back to the area with my boyfriend. I have a 5 year old son and 17 year old twin girls. For the 6 months she was not living with me, my house was clean there were no fights, and no destruction of property.

She moved back in and was sweet for the first 2 months because my boyfriend gave her the rules, then went back to her nasty self. She drinks, brings her drinking friends to the house all hours of the night. She smokes pot in her room. (Her room is shared with my 5 year old son, so he is evicted from the room and only keeps his clothes in there. She won't let him play in the room. The purpose of her staying with me again was to go to school. She goes to school 2-3days a week, sometimes. She already has more fines from smoking on school property and stealing than I can mention. The school has imposed so many fines against her that when she does get her license it will automatically be suspended for 6 years. She tells me to go F myself, all the time and that I "Have" to take care of her because I am her mother. Her room has god knows what growing in it. She has a violent temper and fights with her boyfriend on the phone and kicks the walls and breaks things, like kicking the radiator off the wall, punching holes in sheet rock.

Because I had a custody battle with my ex for my 5 year old, she tries to threaten me to report me to child services. She cleans out my freezer, throwing out good food, completely empties refrigerator into the garbage and fills the sink. Naturally she doesn't wash the dishes. Then she tells me You have to buy food or I'm calling child services on you. She can't hold a job because once she gets paid from one job, I believe she spends her money on drugs and then doesn't show up for work again and gets fired.

My boyfriend has tried laying ground rules which my ex never did, and yes she resents him for it but we stand behind each other at least.

Her boyfriend comes over and she cooks him whatever meats I have in the freezer, she actually made 2 london broils, just for her and him in one week which was supposed to feed the family! She leaves all pots and pans in sink on the stove, food in her room, all over the place, she cares about nothing.

My 17 year old twins, one is getting just like her, I had her arrested for assault and locked up for 6 months, apparently that didn't help. Now she is pregnant and thinks she is having a baby in my house. The two of them are both trying to gang up on me and terrorize me by doing absolutely everything they can they know bothers me. (Like throwing out my food). She needs to leave too!

My other 17 year old twin, is my only sanity, she stresses out trying to clean up after them so I won't get upset. She tells me I' have to be more strict and that I should throw them both out. She goes to school, doesn't drink or smoke and is basically a great kid.

I know I can legally thow the 18 year old out, but the 17 year old pregnant one is the question.

We are only living here since last August, I purposely got a house we can't even fit in so everyone has to share a room, no guys sleeping over (but they still try). There is no living room, just a formal dinining room, so they have to sit around a table if any of their friends are here. This house is so small we trip over each other, my poor 5 year old has to sleep with me and my boyfriend every night.

I do have another option... My boyfriend's parents own a house about 15 miles away. I can move in there with the good teen and my 5 year old and then they will have no choice but to find a place to live on their own. They can always go to their father's house, which they never wanted to do. It is not my house and they will have no right to move in at all when he says no. But I will have to pull my son out of Kindergarten to switch his school and I hate to do that to him after all he has been through already with the divorce and moving. The location is horrible, the nearest real grocery store is 30 miles away, my son will not have any friends on the block and I will constantly be in the car driving my daughter to work 15 miles away. The house will also cost probably twice as much to rent it, we would have to cover his mom's mortgage. The house doesn't offer that much more additional space for the price.

I am at the point that now I hide food for my son, so I have snacks when he wants it, otherwise they will eat everything with no consideration for him and my next paycheck. I have a 12 inch refrigerator in my bedroom and they accuse me of having so much food, ummm I can barely fit a gallon of milk in it.

I have turned off the additional phone line they had. I turn off internet whenever my good daughter is not home so they can't go on line. They have actually broken into my bedroom window from outside to steal things when we were out, several times. They have stolen money, liquor, snacks, the telephone, anything they want, even my private items, like my underwear! I don't own this house we are renting and will be responsible to repair this stuff when we leave. The last house we were renting, we got thrown out because my landlord couldn't handle the police coming to my house anymore. My 18 year old has burns all over the carpet and she actually destroyed the entire door frame off the door from trying to force it closed not to let my son play in the room.

Sorry for the rambling but there is soooo much they have done. I feel I have given them all I have, I came back here and gave each of them another chance, but now it's my health that is at risk from the stress. I am almost 47 years old, there has to be time for me to have some happiness in my life and I think they purposely want to destroy my relationship. My boyfriend is also at his witts end, they are not his kids and he is putting up with a lot from them, how much more will he take?

Open to all suggestions