[survivorboi]

Today was my 1st day at school, I've been thinking and thinking about this all summer. In the morning when I waked up to go to school, I felt pretty confident that I'm going to have a great school year (my previous year was a heartache and I want to start over this year). As soon as we got to school, I started acting nervous, anxious, and I started acting all serious. When we sat down with my group, I didn't talk at all, I felt that I didn't have anything good to say and that I was annoying them. My heart started to ache because this was exactly how I wish it wouldn't happen. I thought that maybe this year I'll start over. I wanted to make the most of my school, of all the kids that go there. I wanted to make friends this year, and I wanted mostly to be Happy.

I sat there and wished I was at home, I wished that I have the courage to just push away all those insecure thoughts racing through my head. I look at other kids; they all are so happy, chatting away with each other. I was the only one sitting there quiet, sad look on my face. I don't know what to do. I went to the restroom and told myself that I can do this, I told myself this is going to be okay, I'm just feeling like this because today is the first day (I've been at this school for 2 years, this is my last year).

At lunch, while we're standing waiting in line, people are talking and joking around, while I stand like a statue. I didn't even know how to stand comfortably. At home, I would never stand still, I'm just not that kind of serious people. I would jump around, laugh so loud my parents get mad, and joke so much. My heart aches at the thought. I thought that my whole life is going to be like this. I don't want to only be happy at home, where I can be happy and myself, I want to be happy everywhere.

I know that some of you guys are thinking I'm introvert, so that's how I act and that I should accept myself. But I know for sure that the real me, the one that's locked inside the emotional wall, is as extrovert as it can be. The reason why I'm so unhappy and heartache is because I'm being such the opposite of the real me. I'm acting all serious, and quiet, the EXACT opposite of what I really am.

I don't even know what to expect anymore. I know I should be making the most of my teenager years, before it's over. But I just can't. My mind is always thinking of ways to get myself out of this, but all those thinking just come wasted when I'm actually around other kids my age. Around adults, I'm okay because I know that they're nothing like me and that they won't judge me. Around kids, I just keep on thinking that I should be quiet, because if I say something people will judge me. If I'm myself, I'm very very crazy. I do crazy stuff, none of it is bad, but I make crazy faces and everything. I always make people laugh (and my inside is smiling too).

I dreaded at the thoughts of going to school just because of that. It sounds so simple, but it effects my whole entire personality and my ways of thinking. Just imagine what it feels like being tense and unhappy for 7-8 hours a day and you'll know how I feel. I don't know what to do...

[data6170]

There's help for you, so don't give up. Sit down and talk to your parents about it and see if you can get some counseling. I totally understand what you going though and I kind of wish I would have gotten some type of therapy when I was younger. I would not like to see someone as young as you to suffer for years as I had. If you get counseling. Opt for behavior cognitive therapy and pray. Praying helps a lot.

[survivorboi]

Theres help for you, so don't give up. Sit down and talk to your parents about it and see if you can get some counseling. I totally understand what you going though and I kinda wish I would have gotten some type of therapy when I was younger. I would not like to see someone as young as you to suffer for years as I had. If you get counseling. opt for behavior cognitive therapy and pray. Praying helps a lot.

I feel pretty lucky to get this problem early. I believe that everybody goes through this sometimes in their life, just different times. Now somebody might look happy, then a few years later you meet them and they're different. I feel pretty lucky that I have this problem now, because if I waited until I grow up and start feeling this way, it'll be a lot harder to pull through. I'm a kid so maybe things aren't so stressed as adult things, so if I pull through this now, I'll become experienced on this when I'm an adult and that would make me tougher and stronger mentally =)

[Golden_Girl]

I feel pretty lucky to get this problem early. I believe that everybody goes through this sometimes in their life, just different times. Now somebody might look happy, then a few years later you meet them and they're different. I feel pretty lucky that I have this problem now, because if I waited until I grow up and start feeling this way, it'll be a lot harder to pull through. I'm a kid so maybe things aren't so stressed as adult things, so if I pull through this now, I'll become experienced on this when I'm an adult and that would make me tougher and stronger mentally =)

Just continue to work through it and not give up, also seek help so they can help you through this even if it's just to have them to listen. As some people say your trials you go through will make you stronger, and then you will be able to help others who are also going through such trials later on. You can also try writing your feeling in a journal.

[survivorboi]

Thanks :)