[affection]

Hi All - Please help!!

Im new to the dating game since being widowed many years ago! I met a fabulous man who after two years of separation is going through a really bad divorce - his ex is very agro and so is her family. He asked me out on a date after many text messages. I accepted because he said he was looking for love - no love no sex is his moto... That works for me! The date was super great! A week later he was still dating other girls and pitched up at the theatre with another date, knowing well I will be there with my best friend! He said it was an accident - yet he suggested which play we go see.
I told him he was a jerk with some hard-hitting words... But I realised I was over-reacting and said sorry. He was quick to accept that we be friends.

He came home and never stopped coming over - adores my kids and of course the intellectual connection and physical chemistry between us is immense.

But he has never dated me after the first date... conveniently he comes over to my place chills and romances and leaves! The romance and intimacy is intense - we have have oral sex - no full on sex yet. Two months later he ased what I wanted - I said would be nice to have exculsivity! He shreiked - said he likes me not love me and I love him but not in love with him.

He is still dating new girls constistantly - and never asked me on a second date.

I asked for some clarity from him? What do you call this thing we have?
- Is is seeing each other?
- Are we going to be date?
- Is this lust?
This approach led to another argument - because instead of answering my questions - he asked: "Am I leading you on?" Yes was my answer!
And he instantly told me there is nothing...

After 10 days of behaving like a peacock on msn,, Online - offline repeatedly... rying to attract attention!! - so I thought it was funny and I said Hello... we admitted to our misunderstanding and over it now! He said he is missing me and the kids too... and want to come back to visit us like he used to... Thing is I never got an answer as to where I stand with him...
What's your opinion please? How can I change the situation?

[h_leann_b]

Sounds like he keeps you around just for the sexual aspect. Once a relationship reaches that level, its hard to go back and just date without being sexual. Since he is going through a messy divorce I am doubting he is going to settle down right away. If you are looking for long term right now then it doesn't seem like he is the one for you. If you just want to have fun and have sex with him, then do it. But I doubt he will ever see you as a relationship. You will always be a friend with benefits.

[talaniman]

I think he made it plain in words, and actions, that he doesn't want to date exclusively, but you got hooked anyway. He dates around, which is okay, for you too, actually.

He doesn't want what you want though, and may never, so don't let his charm fool you into accepting what you can get, and seeing more into it, than it is.

Now you can have fun, if you don't get emotionally, and physically attached, but until he asks you out, you leave him alone, and its wise to keep him away from your kids too.

Sorry, but you have allowed this to go to far on your part, and have to back off to a safe distance, or stay out of this situation altogether.

Either way protect your heart, and learn to define what you want, and don't jump in to far, without a lot of thought, and time to see what your jumping into.

[artlady]

What's your opinion please? How can I change the situation?

You can't change the situation and I suggest you either accept him on his terms and if that doesn't work for you than let it go.

Just because he said he is looking for love does not mean he has found it with you.

It sounds like a great friendship with benefits but nothing more.

You sound a little desperate and that's not attractive,in fact I think most men would be totally put off by it.

Don't settle just because you are lonely.

Honor yourself and don't allow him to play you!

[armygirlfriend8]

Just let go of him. Sounds like that he don't want a relationship anyway but you can try to be friends with him..

[N0help4u]

His motto is looking for love - no love no sex

So you make him stick to his motto and when he comes over it is JUST a visit.
Keep in the back of your mind that whatever he is doing with you he IS doing with these other girls.

SO IF you care to continue seeing him it can't go any further until you are 100% sure he is over seeing other girls.
While he may have not come right out and explained things his him hawing around is answer enough.
He basically told you where he stands. You can't mold it into the image you want it to be.