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shainaboo · Jul 12, 2009, 07:58 PM

So one of my extremely close friends is dating this guy who I'm in love with. I told her that I really liked him before they started dating but she didn't seem to care. The guy has told me several times that he does want to be with me but he doesn't want to hurt his girl friends feelings. I would never want to hurt my friend because she's always there for me but you really can't help who you love... what should I do?

Katt1997 · Jul 12, 2009, 08:02 PM

If you told her and she didn't care, there's a problem there! If she's your friend she would at least acknowledge the fact that by dating him, it could hurt your friendship! Hope this helps!

jjwoodhull · Jul 12, 2009, 08:04 PM

First, she knowingly and willingly hurt your feelings without discussing it with you. She is not someone you should want as a friend.

Second, he is dating her but talking about being with you. He is not someone either of you should want as a boyfriend.

Start hanging out with people who are loyal and deserve your time and attention.

makapuu · Jul 12, 2009, 09:17 PM

You should respect their relationship. If you two are meant to be together, they will break up because something is missing between them, and not because you are suggesting you loved him first.

Jake2008 · Jul 12, 2009, 11:30 PM

Well, yes, you can control who you love, and how, and when.

He is involved with someone else, who happens to be a close friend of yours.

While he's having a relationship with her, you and him have somehow spent some 'quality' sly time together, at least enough to determine that you both want each other.

So, you have questionable loyalties to your friend. Not the other way around. She hasn't done anything wrong, but you are otherwise engaging in pursuit of a relationship with her boyfriend.

You don't make a good friend in my opinion, and he doesn't make a good candidate for an honest relationship with either you, or your best friend.

If you want to destroy a friendship, you're on the right path. If you want to have a relationship with a loser, you are also on the right path.

If you want to regain yourself esteem, values, and integrity, drop him, and make it clear you are not available, because it is just wrong.

I wish · Jul 13, 2009, 06:38 AM

The conclusions:

1) You have a horrible friend. She knows how you feel about this guy and instead of helping you out, she takes him to herself.

2) This guy is a cheater. He's involved with someone else, yet he tells you that he likes you. Sounds like a player to me. Telling you that he doesn't want to hurt her feelings means nothing, because once he stops caring about her, he's hurting her by staying with her (whether she knows that he stopped liking her or not). ** If he really liked you, he would have broken up with your friend before even telling you that he likes you.

Have some self-respect. Get new friends whom you can trust and find another guy who isn't a player.

redhed35 · Jul 13, 2009, 06:59 AM

Had to spread the rep I wish!

To the op.
This guy choose your friend,not you.

She is your friend,so what if she knew you liked him too,alls fair in love and war if you were both single at the time.

Sounds like this guy thinks he's on to a winner,two woman,one he already has and one in the wings.

If he does finish with his current girlfriend and starts dating you,what's to say he won't have another girl ready to go when he's done with you.. you'll have a broken heart and no friend for comfort.

Leave them alone.tell him to get lost,preserve your friendship,and be happy for your friend.

Guys come and go,good friends are harder to come by.

roxypox · Jul 13, 2009, 07:02 AM

Your friendship is questionable altogether.

Like I Wish points out both of you are disrespecting each other.

1. she did disrespect your feelings which makes her a bad friend in my eyes,

2. now you are disrespecting her feelings, which makes you a bad friend as well

3. he is bad news either way, seeing (from what I gather from your post) that he is sneaking behind her back sweet talking you.

Not all friends and friend-circles follow the same social codes, so in her eyes it might not be such a bad thing to what she has done, while others would never dream of doing the same thing.

But what you are doing makes you no better then her. You are talking to him and he says he wants to be with you and not her and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. But he is with her and that makes him unavailable. He is of limits and you need to respect that!

You and your friend need to re-evaluate your friendship and even though you can't help who you like and crush on: you need to get over the guy and move on. He choose her, and like redhead writes; there really are plenty of available guys out there.

Btw. How old are you guys?

shainaboo · Jul 13, 2009, 09:30 AM

I'm 21 he's 23

roxypox · Jul 14, 2009, 07:51 AM

Okay, so the three of you are in your early twenties...

Have you thought of a possible solution yourself... or given any thought to the advice you've been given here?

88sunflower · Jul 14, 2009, 07:57 AM

Get over him and move on. I am wondering how can you love him if you haven't spent time with him? Wait, so he is cheating on his girlfriend with you? Well that's pretty noble. Why waste your time. All your going to do is end up in all this drama that's not needed. Walk away and don't look back. Your just setting yourself up for some huge gossip around the rumor mill and a huge heartache. Save your friendship and find a boyfriend of your own.

bassplaya284049 · Jul 17, 2009, 10:11 AM

Try and suffer through it. It may end sooner then you think. Then again you may end up finding someone else and ull forget about it

talaniman · Jul 17, 2009, 11:05 AM

The guy has told me several times that he does want to be with me but he doesn't want to hurt his girl friends feelings

So you have been going behind your friends back, and making your case to him.

Your are not her friend, and neither is she yours. But he is taken, so go get your own. I would tell you to get some better friends, but that would require you to be a better friend, and I don't see that happening.

slapshot_oi · Jul 17, 2009, 11:27 AM

This sounds like a soap opera.

You're giving him all sorts of power by telling him that you want him and he will use it and he will not be nice about it. I guranetee he says the same line to your friend. Stuff like this goes straight to people's heads.

You would be very wise to let it go and find someone else, otherwise you will get hurt.

shainaboo · Aug 4, 2009, 11:54 AM

So last time I posted my best friend was dating this guy who I love... they recently broke up. I feel like I want to start dating him but am very unsure about how this will effect our friendship. Please help

Melii · Oct 4, 2010, 03:55 PM

Well I suggest you first talk with your friend to c cause you wouldn't want to risk your friendship over a guy but in all this give it some time so that things cool off a little

martinizing2 · Oct 4, 2010, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by Melii

well i suggest u first talk with ur friend to c cause u wouldnt want to risk your friendship over a guy but in all this give it some time so that things cool off alittle

It has been over a year with no activity on this thread.
It should be cooled down.

beachloverjohn · Oct 4, 2010, 09:27 PM

If you don't mind being his second choice, then I guess it's all right.

If you don't care if you remain friends with your best friend, then go for it.

And if you have no self respect at all, then I say give yourself to this guy.

If you can handle ending up alone when this relationship ends and feeling like you betrayed your best friend at the same time, then date him. I just hope he's worth it..