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wantingababy · Oct 21, 2006, 02:25 AM

Earlier this year, my boyfriend made me chose between him and having a baby. Stupidly I chose him, and had an abortion which I so deeply regret.

Straight after my op the doctors fitted me with a coil which gave me endless problems so I later had it removed.

Since then I have desperately wanted a baby, and 9 months later my partner has said he wants one (I don't know why he couldn't have said that 9 months before) but now after trying, I can't get pregnant and my period is always 10 days late.

I am so scared that I won't be able to have children and the only person to blame is myself.

J_9 · Oct 21, 2006, 07:01 AM

You will be able to have a baby! An abortion does not make you sterile.

But I would rethink having a baby with this man, before marrying him, who already made you abort one.

How old are you 2?

If he wants a baby now, then you should be married. He was a mean and curel person to make you chose him or the new life you were carrying. Who is to say he won't get scared and do it again, or leave you all alone as a single mother.

At least with a marriage certificate it would be harder and more expensive for him to leave.

wantingababy · Oct 22, 2006, 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

You will be able to have a baby!! An abortion does not make you sterile.

But I would rethink having a baby with this man, before marrying him, who already made you abort one.

How old are you 2?

If he wants a baby now, then you should be married. He was a mean and curel person to make you chose him or the new life you were carrying. Who is to say he won't get scared and do it again, or leave you all alone as a single mother.

At least with a marriage certificate it would be harder and more expensive for him to leave.

Thank you very much for your advice, it makes a lot of sense, you are right what makes me think now is different? I think its my guilt for doing it that I want to replace the baby I lost.

Thank you so much, you have made me re-think it all completely xxxx

valinors_sorrow · Oct 22, 2006, 01:54 AM

Maybe you not getting pregnant so right off the bat is a cosmic indication to stop, rethink this too... I have found when I align myself correctly, things do seem to fall into place.

I'm with J_9 on this one. Creating a baby should best be done in an relationship environment that is stable, committed and frankly really prepared for a load bigger than you will be imagining. As parents, you owe that to the child.

This may be a blessing, to have caught yourself in time, so you can now create more time to reconsider and let your future baby have a better beginning than some kind of knee-jerked emotional back lash to having a regretted aboration?

Heal first, then think differently about it. You owe that to you!

JoeCanada76 · Oct 22, 2006, 02:35 AM

Quite honestly, you try putting all the blame on your boyfriend for you having a abortion. Whether you like to hear this or not. You chose it too. You had the option no matter what your boyfriend was saying to have the baby or not have the baby. I have heard stories of women who have had an abortion do have a harder time becoming pregnant. Especially if it is with the wrong person. It is not to say that you can not get pregnant again. Maybe when you find somebody else that is more supportive of you and future baby's. I of course agree with J9 you should be with somebody that you can trust and that will be by your side and will not pressure you into anything you do not want to do. Remember you are the one that is carrying the baby and it is your final choice and decision in what happens with any baby. Also I would like to add. If you did get pregnant with the same man, whose to say he won't change his mind again while you are pregnant or even after the baby comes.

Joe

JoeCanada76 · Oct 28, 2006, 05:38 AM

Wantingababy, Why do you disagree with the truth. You heard the truth. As far as I know That is what you were looking for. I said nothing wrong in my post to make you disagree. Whether it hurt your feelings or not maybe you should re read my post and then maybe you will understand what exactly I said, because I do not believe you read it properly. All I gave you was facts and truth from your post. If you do not like hearing the truth that is really not my problem. Then maybe do not come here and ask questions when you know that you are going to hear the truth. I guess the truth hurts. Wake up and make the right decisions for yourself and your first baby and your future baby's then it might not hurt so much.

Joe

wantingababy · Oct 28, 2006, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Wantingababy, Why do you disagree with the truth. You heard the truth. As far as I know That is what you were looking for. I said nothing wrong in my post to make you disagree. Whether it hurt your feelings or not maybe you should re read my post and then maybe you will understand what exactly I said, because I do not believe you read it properly. All I gave you was facts and truth from your post. If you do not like hearing the truth that is really not my problem. Then maybe do not come here and ask questions when you know that you are going to hear the truth. I guess the truth hurts. Wake up and make the right decisions for yourself and your first baby and your future babys then it might not hurt so much.

Joe

Its all very well saying that it was my decision too, but you are unware of the full circumstances. If you read my actual post I was asking if the abortion could have affected my fertility not for anybodys moral judgement. I accept responsibility for my actions but am grieving for my loss also, yes the truth hurts, but as someone who is obviously a parent I would have thought you could be a bit more tactful. Thank you for your advice, but it hasn't exactly put my mind at rest.

JoeCanada76 · Oct 28, 2006, 11:45 AM

Like I said before. Many people who have abortions are unable to or do have trouble getting pregnant in the future. That is a fact. It is not no judgement from me but just stating the facts and the truth from your post. I am not here to put your mind at rest. I am here to tell you the truth. There was no judgement in any of my posts to you.

J_9 · Oct 28, 2006, 12:01 PM

I am glad you are re-thinking your options now. Yes, you are grieving, but having a baby will not make up for the loss you have already suffered. That loss will always be there.

There is no replacement for loss. I am sorry to tell you that, but there is not.

I understand, in a way, why you disagreed with Joe, but I totally agree with him. Yes, it may hurt, but sometimes the truth does hurt.

You remarked about abortion affecting fertility not moral judgment. Look at that again, read it again. Abortion is a moral issue. You wanting to have another child with the man who talked you into an abortion prior to marriage is a moral judgment. Sometimes moral issues tend to cloud over other moral issues.

wantingababy · Oct 28, 2006, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Like I said before. Many people who have abortions are unable to or do have trouble getting pregnant in the future. That is a fact. It is not no judgement from me but just stating the facts and the truth from your post. I am not here to put your mind at rest. I am here to tell you the truth. There was no judgement in any of my posts to you.

Well thanks so much for your facts, maybe you should state your profession as a doctor or God as you seem to think you are. I don't need any more of your rubbish advice so no need to waste any more of your precious time. You are the most unsympathetic person I have ever come across so you can keep your opinions to yourself.

JoeCanada76 · Oct 28, 2006, 01:03 PM

You're the one that asked the question. When you got the answer you did not like, you lash out on the one that is trying to help you out. Maybe in the future you will learn. I never said I was god and never stated that I was a doctor. You can look up all the statistics and stories and learn from others who have had an abortion. Then maybe you will see for yourself that I was telling you the truth all along about the facts of what an abortion does to your fertility. I am not wasting my time here. I am here to answer questions and help people out. There are some people who obvously do not want help or do not want to be given an answer even though they asked for it. I hope you do eventually learn this lesson but obvously it has not begin to sink in yet.

mae1299 · Oct 29, 2006, 05:59 PM

I am in the same boat as "wanting a baby". You see, I had an abortion almost 7 years ago. My boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) and I were just too young and neither could face our parents to tell them we were pregnant. So we aborted. It was a difficult decision, but have asked God for forgiveness almost every day since then. Well, about five months ago, my husband and I decided it was time to try for a baby. We stopped birth control and it was out of my system within the first two months. I've been "monitoring" my ovulation day with an ovulation calendar and have tried a few ovulation detectors. I guess I'm writing because I fear that decision years ago will cost me ever being able to have children. I worry that I was given my "chance" and I made the wrong decision.

I never join these online groups, but was relieved when I found someone was in the same position I was in (sort of). What should I do next? I just want this SO bad.

J_9 · Oct 29, 2006, 06:04 PM

You need to wait. I know it sounds hard. But it takes most women 6 months to a year of "trying" before they become pregnant.

It all depends on what form of birth control you were on. Yes, it may have been out of your system after a few month, but your system takes a while to "bounce back" to its normal natural hormonal state.

Yes, abortion can make it hard for a woman to get pregnant in the future, but this is not the norm. It does happen, but not as often as people think.

mae1299 · Oct 29, 2006, 06:06 PM

It's so hard also because there are so many people around me that just keep getting pregnant. What do you mean wait? I was on Yasmin birth control since I was about 19. I am now 26. I know it was out of my system because my cycle is irregular and am breaking out (acne). Birth control has always controlled these two factors.

I just hate wanting this so bad. And I'm not getting any younger, you know?

J_9 · Oct 29, 2006, 06:11 PM

Heck, you are still young. I had my youngest at 38!!

What I mean by wait is don't stress (I know harder said than done, but stress lessens the chance of pregnancy, it changes hormone production).

You need to try every other night instead of every night (lowers the sperm count if you try every night). Make sure he wears boxers, not briefs (sounds hokey, but true).

There are certain measures one can take to increase the chances, but in all reality it truly is up to Mother Nature.

mae1299 · Oct 29, 2006, 06:41 PM

Thanks. It's tough also because my husband is not home during the week. He currently lives two hours away during the week and commutes home on the weekends. He is military. I just keep taking it out on him and blaming him and his job choice. I guess I'll just stop "trying" every weekend and wait until we're together to "try" again... which should be within the next month or so.

Thanks for your reassurance. I was just worried about making that decision years ago and really wasn't sure if that had anything to do with it.

JoeCanada76 · Oct 29, 2006, 08:15 PM

Mae1299,

Hello! It took my wife and I, 6 months each time we got pregnant to get pregnant. It was tough, because we wanted a baby so much. The first baby ended in a miscarriage which was very heartbreaking. Now we have a beautiful baby boy. It took a year and a half but we do have our baby now. You asked God for forgiveness every single day, but what you need to realise is you were very sorry and remorseful for that happening and you sincerely asked God for his forgiveness. Don't you think you have already been forgiven? You do not need to keep asking for forgiveness. I am happy that now you are ready to have children but it could take up to a year to get pregnant. Please be patient. Yes, abortions can have an effect on fertility in some people, but you need to try for at least a year before getting yourself checked out. Remember God has already forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself and once you are able to do that. I do believe that God will bless you with a beautiful baby yourself.

Joe

Amythest · Nov 8, 2006, 05:17 PM

I know this is probably poor etiquetee but the two above who are having issues with pregnancy after abortion I wish you'd comment on the girl who is young now and saying she wants to abort.

BUt I do hope you are able to have chidren. If you have asked for forgivenenss then I am sure youa re forgiven.

mae1299 · Nov 8, 2006, 05:24 PM

Hopefully this young girl is reading our posts and realizing that maybe she won't be able to have children after the experience. I will say one thing... I chose abortion many years ago thinking it was the "easy" way out. It'll never be a way out. Yes, you do not have to raise a child as a child yourself, but on the other hand, you have to live with the regret that you "killed" a person... and not just any person, your child. I really think that the young girl should re-consider what she is about to do. Think adoption. It may be a better option for all. If I could turn back time, I may have put my child up for adoption. I can't guarantee that I wouldn't have done the same thing, but hindsight is only 20/20.

BabyAbagail06 · Nov 22, 2006, 02:11 PM

I agree with all of them do what you want and make the right choice...