[Username717]

My dad is some what a dictator in our house. My brother mother and I can never say anything against his opinion otherwise there is a risk of him getting angry or violent. He has hit me, my brother and my mother in the past and once when I was about 8 years old he slapped me so many times that I had a bruise on my temple the next day and headaches long after. I thought I was going to die and my father promised that he would never hit me again after this incident but he broke his promise and when I confronted him with it he pretended he didn’t remember. My mother says she considered leaving him a lot of times but either didn’t have the money for it or thought it would be better for us to grow up with a father. My dad loves us and does a lot of good things for us, but it’s the way that he talks to us that kills me inside. I can’t say he is a bad dad because he supports us financially and tells us that he loves us and he has taught us a lot of good things, also spiritually but I never feel happy. I don’t understand how a man that is so close to God and is supposed to have so much control over his ego cannot understand that when he uses harsh words and sometimes violence it hurts us. My dad recently had a heart attack so now only part of his heart is functioning and he often mentions that we are ungrateful children because we don’t help out enough in the house and we have worked him near to death etc. He makes me feel very guilty by literally blaming me for his bad health when he is angry but my mother tells me not to take it seriously. However my father never apologises and just acts as if it didn’t happen. He is quite old and grew up in the war so he had a tough childhood himself so that may be an explanation for his behaviour but there is nothing I can do about it and I just wish I could get rid of all the pain I feel inside. I have no confidence and sometimes even think of suicide even though I wouldn’t do it. I talk to a psychologist but I still feel depressed and put on a lot of weight the past couple of years and I don’t know what to do.

I live at a boarding school so technically I have kind of moved out but I still have to come home in the holidays. I’m almost 18 but the thing is since my father is at a risk of dying soon as only 40% of his heart is working I feel as if I can’t not be in contact with him because I know he needs our support. It’s just hard for me to tell him I love him because I feel as If I’m not sure if I mean it and don’t want to be fake but he gets upset if I don’t say that I love him. Once he felt my room was untidy so he picked up everything on the floor and burnt it. And I feel as if he uses his death as a threat because he always refers to himself as ‘a dying man’…He is very old fashioned and even said to my 19 year old brother that he cannot bring women in to his new apartment…I’ve never had a boyfriend and I feel as if my relationship with my dad my have something to do with this because I've learnt that the relationship you have with your father affects the way you interact with other men but I don't know what to do about it.. I really want a boyfriend.. and I just wish my dad could understand me but I know he won’t change.

I deeply wish that I could get my dad to go to anger management but unfortunately that is out of the question. My mum says he would get angry and feel insulted. He takes everything personally and cannot see anything from anyone’s point of view but his own…today he confronted me again because I forgot that I shouldn’t eat food in the lounge and I apologised and explained that I had forgotten about the rule as I have seen him eating there myself and he responded by saying I was disrespectful and that he would make me sorry. My mother told him today that I was depressed and he said that sadness comes from egoism and told me to dry my tears of self pity when I started crying.

I told him that he was hurting me by what he was saying and that was when he told me to dry my tears of self pity. He also believes that the reason we get upset by what he says is because it is the truth and 'no one likes to hear the truth'. I do try to stay away from my home but I am stuck here for the summer holiday. My mum says she is sorry and she understands and prays for me daily but it doesn't stop my dad's words from hurting me.. I eat junk food when I'm sad because I feel it's the only source of comfort I can find so I have put on weight and my dad can't understand why.. and my depression is causing me to be demotivated with my school work so it's a vicious circle.

[reckless]

Obviously your dad is a terrible father. You can't justify his actions because of his rocky chidlhood. You obviously can't be mean to him because that's not going to you anywhere. You can act nice to him, but every time you get close, he's just going to abuse you. You can do nothing but distance yourself from him, but even that might make him angry.

You have nothing to be grateful for but his money. Those stories were ridiculous. He clearly has mental problems. The only reason you have to stay with him is because he is of the same blood as you. He has fulfilled none of the requirements of being a father except for creating you.

Stop eating junk food and start doing something constructive like writing down your feelings or getting a new hobby.

I'm sure you can get a boyfriend. There's somebody out there for everybody. It'll be even easier when you take on a new hobby, like playing a sport, painting, dancing, etc. put yourself into situations where you'll meet new people.